DH Christmas works do and lack of comms

[menopausalminnie1]

DH out on his Christmas works do tonight. He left at noon. Said he’d be home by 5pm. Said he didn’t want to stay later as it’s a Police do and they get utterly mental.

He’s 52 years old. Got a call at 6pm to say they won’t let him leave (?) so he will be home about 8pm. Fine. I actually don’t care what time he gets home ….if he said to me it would be midnight that would be fine, but because he says 8 pm I have done things like prepare him some food, put up the Christmas tree as a nice surprise, lit some candles and I’m sitting here waiting like a numpty

It’s now 915pm and he hasn’t left the city (we have find my friend) so earliest he could be home is 11pm with ZERO comms to actually tell me this.

i can’t imagine a scenario where i say ill be home at a certain time and then do the opposite.

not a huge deal but a bit frustrating.

Its a big birthday for me tomorrow and I’m guessing he will be asleep till lunch time

Police?

Why are police officers knobs away from work?

Ahhh you can’t blame him because you’ve put the tree up and lit some candles as a surprise while he’s on a works do.
You’re getting a bit OTT about him talking to female colleagues. You need to get over it or he’ll come home and you’ll be mad and ruin your day tomorrow. Take it for what it is and tell him when he’s not pissed and get over so you can have a nice birthday. Sure he won’t let you down on your birthday ? If he does, spend it with someone else or take your self off for a relaxing time or night out

I do think that mobiles are a nuisance in cases like this, he's out and will be back eventually, wanting deadlines etc is so controlling.

Somebody who's in PR or the emergency services.

You're not a 1950s housewife, stop pining. Do something for you. Watch what the hell you want, manspread on the sofa, have a nice bath with the candles. Obviously no one going out for a Christmas party is back by 5pm, even small children.

Oh come on, OP. He's absolutely fine and he was NEVER going to leave at 5pm. He's enjoying himself! Don't be so prissy, stop clock-watching, and go to bed with a good book.

Not sure why you cooked him food or lit candles, seems a little bit like your trying to show him he’s better off being home than at the work do (unless it’s just leftovers from your meal). save that for another night and let him have fun tonight

My DH is always like this. He only goes out about 4 times a year. I don't know why but he always says he won't be late, but then he gets swept up in the fun and drinks far too much. Then he rolls in at 3am. I'm just pleased he has a good time and blows off some steam.

As long as it's not a regular thing OP then I wouldn't be bothered at all.

Oh, and nobody rolling in from a party cares in the slightest that their partner has lit candles and put up the Christmas tree. Most people wouldn't even notice!

This! Why didn't you make your own plans instead of revolving everything around the moment he walks through the door? Honestly.

Works Christmas do is one night per year. Unless there is a backstory, why would you be monitoring his movements and why would you be demanding a specific return time? let the poor guy have some unfettered fun.

It seems really controlling. He's a grown man, he can find himself something to eat.

But why do you need to know what time he will be home? Why?

He's out for the evening. Make your own plans, take a bath, binge watch, whatever.

I used to do that. Now I don't.
They will never leave the company early. All those early times were simply lip service to you.

Sorry Op but I agree with this, it’s like you’re entering into a ‘pick me!’ situation with a night out / his work colleagues. I feel bad for you that your relationship is in such dire straits at the moment but I don’t think this battle is worth having. He’s out, he’s probably drunk, just let it be.

Try not to work yourself up.
Stay calm. Easier said than done I know.
I started doing it back it wasn't well received and it soon stopped!

Everyone thinks they’re going to leave the office party early; nobody ever does. He was never going to be leaving at 5pm. When DH tells me this, I just laugh and tell him not to wake me up when he gets in at “5pm”.

If he wasn't having fun, he would be home. He is having fun, let him off. I'd let it go over my head, make sure he can get in and leave some water on his bedside.

He's out at his Christmas do and doesn't know what time he will be home. This is obvious. Why the need for "comms"?

I obviously don't know you or your DH, but if either me or my DH said we'd be home at 5pm on a work Christmas party, the other would just laugh, regardless of what is happening tomorrow.

I do get your frustration though, but it would kick in for me if DH said he'd be home by 12am and still not back at 3am with no communication.

That's all right, you can have a lie in too.

Id head out early tomorrow if I were you. Go make a nice day of it for you. He is having fun today/tonight and will be rough tomorrow with the fear and horn thrown in. Works christmas do's take on a path of their own. Enjoy the peace. I put you are not being unreasonable but I think your choice now, as sober one without the influence of drunk/daft colleagues is leave him to it and focus on you. Happy Big Birthday. Enjoy yourself. X

It's his Christmas work night out ?

I don't know why you did dinner for him, surely if he had arrived home in time for dinner he could have had something quick/simple.

Is putting up the / a Christmas tree a surprise for him ? or is it a surprise that you have done it and he doesn't need to ?

and candles ? what for.

waiting like a numpty - waiting for what - him ? why

why not get on with your evening ? what would you usually do ? read / sew / knit / watch tv

or were you trying to set the scene for a bit of romance, if so why choose tonight.

setting him up to fail and you for disappointment.

Regarding your 50th Birthday tomorrow - surely plans will go ahead as planned ? and if he doesn't get to stay in bed til noon so be it.

He's an adult and he doesn't need 12 hours sleep / in bed.
if he is hung over, shame.

Your day can continue. Make sure you enjoy it.

When on a night out we just let each other rnjoy it, see how it goes and expect and plan the next day for DP to have a lie in.

If last communication is don't know when I'll be home, fine, grown man can look after himself.

Yes the police dos may get a bit messy but don't they all? Especially in high pressured jobs where you get so much abuse so a bit of comradeship and pissed fun is actually therapy! I don't think it will be P Diddy scale so just chill.

That's a bit of a generalisation.

What has he done in previous years?