DH Christmas works do and lack of comms

[menopausalminnie1]

DH out on his Christmas works do tonight. He left at noon. Said he’d be home by 5pm. Said he didn’t want to stay later as it’s a Police do and they get utterly mental.

He’s 52 years old. Got a call at 6pm to say they won’t let him leave (?) so he will be home about 8pm. Fine. I actually don’t care what time he gets home ….if he said to me it would be midnight that would be fine, but because he says 8 pm I have done things like prepare him some food, put up the Christmas tree as a nice surprise, lit some candles and I’m sitting here waiting like a numpty

It’s now 915pm and he hasn’t left the city (we have find my friend) so earliest he could be home is 11pm with ZERO comms to actually tell me this.

i can’t imagine a scenario where i say ill be home at a certain time and then do the opposite.

not a huge deal but a bit frustrating.

Its a big birthday for me tomorrow and I’m guessing he will be asleep till lunch time

This.
It all sounds a bit pathetic really.

I’m sitting here waiting like a numpty

He never fucks me

Dump the sexless loser and find someone who wants to come home and jump your bones. Why are you wasting yourself on him? Do NOT have kids with him!

Mildly annoying that he's said a few different times and then just stopped communicating. He could of just said that he's going to be staying "don't wait up" and that would have solved the problem. When I go out for a Christmas do. Might be back by 10pm or 5am, but I'm not gonna say a time since I have no idea.

Comms could have been better. He's drink. Leave him to it and go to bed.

Hope you have a lovely birthday tomorrow! If he chooses not to get up or wake up please go out and don't let your plans for the day be ruined.

For goodness sake op, it’s his Christmas do- he wants to let his hair down, as I’m sure will you when it’s your Christmas do.

He's 52, she's 50, that ship has sailed....

When it’s big nights out like Christmas we always say see you when I see you. No pressure to get home and no worrying when they are going to come in.

The only thing we promise each other is to text if we are going to be back after midnight so the other can go to sleep

You see posts on here about how terrible it is to go on big nights out as adults but it’s no issue for us. It’s fun and we don’t have any trust issues so no drama there.

it’s a Police do and they get utterly mental.

Mental how?

Out of control drinking, drugs, fights?

Sorry I know it’s not the point of this thread but a bunch of coppers getting on it and getting mental doesn’t fill me with confidence.

Generally, once I got a call to say “they aren’t letting me leave” I would have laughed at the idea they’d be back for 8 and not expected them home until the early hours. I think taking things literally when there’s a pretty clear underlying narrative is a lesson in frustration and makes for unnecessary conflict.

The big birthday tomorrow puts a different skew on it though. If you had good reason (either discussion or it’s a norm in your relationship) to expect him to be up for celebrating tomorrow and doing things for you, I would be more than a bit disappointed he let an annual piss-up get in the way at the last minute. If things tend to be more low key and flexible and he’ll pull it out of the bag at the weekend or something, then I would not be sweating it.

It’s many years ago now, but when I worked in a hotel we used to dread the police section house Christmas functions. Many kegs were emptied; we ran out of every type of glass; buffet food trampled into the floor; most spirits also completely ran out. Add to that being seen as ‘fair game’ as a 22 year old waitress. Nothing horrific, but a lot of smiling whilst batting hands off your backside.

I'm not sure why you feel the need to sit there "like a sap". He has gone to a work do. People often have the best of intentions to leave at a certain time and then get distracted or actually start to enjoy themselves. I wouldn't bother telling my husband a time I'd get home, he just knows that I'll tell him when I'm leaving. Also, if you have find my friend then you know where he is. You are sounding a little bit needy to be honest but from your post about your relationship are you being triggered by insecurity?

Don't be ridiculous, they're not likely to be on duty!
I recall almost carrying a naval officer back to the small patrol boat he commanded and when we asked when he was next on duty he said he was already on duty!

I'm an idiot

Sorry I'm on the wrong thread aswell :-(

The OP can find it, take her mind off her husband's night out!

Just because they’re not on duty doesn’t mean they should be able to “get utterly mental” (work party or not) which implies excessive alcohol, potential drugs and inappropriate/dangerous/abusive behaviour. Like I said, doesn’t fill me with confidence for a bunch of a coppers.

If it were any other night, I'd be fully on DH's side. But it's the night before your 50th? Why aren't you there too and then grabbing dinner together afterwards or something as a Bday eve thing?

i can’t imagine a scenario where i say ill be home at a certain time and then do the opposite.

Really? I've done it a few times at functions when I get into the swing of things and lose track of time.
My work xmas function is later this week and I'm just going to say I'll be home when I get home and don't expect to hear from me in the meantime.

Is there a man on the face of the planet that finds the Christmas tree being put up a "nice surprise?"

Why did you though? You already anticipated he wouldn't be back for ages so don't sit there like a sap. Next time if it happens again just get on with whatever you want to do anyway.

I think your comment he doesn't fuck me is what the root issue is here. That completely sucks. I hope you guys can get back on track and sort that issue out. HUGs the party isn't the issue but that lack of sex is a huge one.

You can’t just go to someone else’s Christmas do.
and why should he have to cut his night short for a meal with his wife that can take place and other day

Don’t wait for him tomorrow, get up and go do something you want to.

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