To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Some deliberately bring it to the classroom.

it’s essential to make children believers.

I personally think the teacher should be addressed by the title of their choice. Are most of us not afforded that?

"She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix)"
You might be right but I find it unlikely that a teacher would introduce themselves leading with that. I read that as the OP telling us they were non binary (which is why I am asking is it is an assumption) and the teacher asking pupils to call them Mx.

No, but it could be your title.

If a child at work couldn't remember my honorific and surname, I'd have no problem with being called "Teacher".

In fact, that happened when I was helping out at the nursery though - to be honest - I wasn't entitled to the title. I was only helping out as senior pupil, so the children had been told that they could use my forename. However, the nursery staff weren't going to get their knickers in a twist over 3 and 4 yr old children accidentally calling the 6th Yr volunteer "Teacher".

Thinking about it, it would be much the same as patients referring to the people helping them as "Nurse" or "Doctor". (It might be a bit old-fashioned, but I still say "Doctor" [no surname] when I'm speaking to our GPs.)

This

It's crazy. They can identify how they like but it's their private life and if a child forgets the wrong name or suffix, all it needs is a 'correction. Which did happen to be fair and hopefully it will end there, but I'm saddened that the OP is anxious about the possibility of repercussions for making a simple error at the same time as the school not dealing with her child's bullies.

I hate the way the woke religion is considered oh so important compared to a real traumatic thing like bullying.

Being accidentally misgendered is not a trauma. Some children and their lives because of bullying. Never heard of someone doing it from someone forgetting their pronoun.

So you personality believe that children should be compelled to use language that supports a persons belief that they are neither male nor female? And you are an educator? Are there any other unsubstantiated beliefs you think teachers should be entitled to promote in schools? Like flat earthing or anti vax?

I'll say it again: I'm now Mrs Weary. I get a bit of a pang if a pupil or a member of staff erroneously calls me Miss Weary, because I'm still getting used to being a widow...but I'm not going to turn round and snark at someone for getting it wrong.

As I've said earlier, I once said to a new group of pupils, "It's actually Mrs..." but I didn't - and wouldn't - tell them off for getting it wrong.

@lifeturnsonadime I personally think use of titles is a load of crap, but society as a whole still likes them. I certainly disagree with titles defining marital status, so I suppose I question why titles should define us as anything really.
As I've said, the kids in the class know I'm married but have no problems with calling me Ms D-B. They've not so much as questioned it.

@WearyAuldWumman I understand and if that is your preferred title then that's how you should be addressed. I'm sorry for your loss. I have made the decision that I never want to be referred to as a Mrs and likewise, would hope people would respect that and address me by my title of choice.

@everychildmatters I can understand someone wanting their title respected but other humans will get it wrong and it's egotistical to take it as a personal slight. The child made a mistake she wasn't deliberately choosing not to honour the teachers preference. I get that the teacher can't see inside the child's head, but whatever happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt? Mistakes happen. Teacher may have not meant it as harshly as the child has perceived it or it may be Mix or whatever needs to have some more coffee and chocolate or just shrug it off as one of those things.

Well that’s one way to avoid my question!

Ill ask it a different way:

if it becomes apparent that some teachers in schools are using the convention of ‘title’ to promote ideological beliefs such as that some people are neither male or female. Do you think that schools should ignore this promotion of ideological belief because of the convention of title or do you believe it is the responsibility of educators to protect children from ideological beliefs and abolish the requirement to use titles?

in other , simpler words, do you believe in child safeguarding or don’t you?

@lifeturnsonadime What do you believe the teacher should be addressed as?
Do you believe that children should be taught about transgenderism at all? It's in the PSHE curriculum btw so I am obliged to teach it.

Fucking hell she's not promoting any beliefs! She's not signing all the kiddies up to the non binary club!

She's literally saying I am this. Please address me as this and correcting people when they get wrong, like any of us would when addressed incorrectly.

Most normal people would go "ok then Mx!" And move on with their lives without having a three hour discussion about gender ideology or sex expression. No one is being compelled. No one is being converted. She is not asking children to lie or deny what they see. I highly doubt the teacher cares if the kids believe in her gender identity or not. She just wants be called Mx because that is what she is comfortable with. It's not a big deal and it's not that deep, she's not trying to transition all the children. Just call her Mx and move on.

Thank you.

I used Ms for a couple of years. By contrast with your experience, the kids could never get it right: it would either be "Miss" or "Mrs". In fact, I recall that the Assistant Head kept calling me "Mrs [Maiden Name]".

In the end, I switched to "Mrs [Married Name] because I'd changed my passport to my married name and having two different surnames seemed to complicate matters 20+ yrs ago.

Ive addressed this upthread. Teacher or here in the context of the register

Children should not be used as a means to .validate ideological beliefs.

Trachers can’t be compelled to refer to students according to their gender identity according to Government Guidance so logically children shouldn’t be compelled to use gendered language for their teachers either.

As a teacher it is frankly shocking that you hold so little regard to the safeguarding of children .

@lifeturnsonadime After all this banging on about protecting children from ideologies I really hope you're against faith schools and think all minors should be kept away from religion until they are old enough to learn about it themselves and make informed choices to participate.

@SerenePeach Exactly this!
Am I promoting my belief that I disagree with the patriarchy of the Mrs title because I'm a married Ms?
No.
My class just call me Ms D-B.

Absolutely.

gendered beliefs are no different from any other religious belief.

The gendered soul is akin to a belief in religion. It doesn’t exist it’s just a belief syetem. No place in school.

@lifeturnsonadime I won't accept being referred to as "teacher", and neither do any of my colleagues. I have a title and a last name, and the school policy is to address all members of staff as such.
Someone's title has nothing to do with safeguarding.

It does when that teacher has told children they believe they are neither male nor female. It’s unscientific nonsense. Like religion as Serene says 👍

OP is telling her daughter the truth.

It IS ridiculous.

Religion does exist. Demonstrably. What religious people worship doesn't exist but it violates peoples religious freedom to tell them they can't worship. Just like it is violates personal liberty to tell people they can't self define. The continued assertion that gender is religion is ridiculous. It can't be a religion it has no deity.

I'm a staunch atheist but I accept that I can't tell people they can't be religious. You need to accept you can't tell people they can't have a gender.

You're the one dodging @everychildmatters questions now. Do you believe children should be taught about transgenderism at all or should we just pretend they don't exist?

Anyway OP child safeguarding says that children shouldn’t have to go along with lies. A teacher who claims they are not male or female is lying,

stay strong for your daughter . Ignore the gender activists.

Being a decent person who respects people's choices in how they wish to be addressed does not make people activists. It makes them normal. Thank god this ridiculous thread is full now.