To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Say something. The other staff will be wanting you to as well!

Imo school will see your POV.

I'm a woman who gets called sir or mum regularly. I laugh it off and get on with the lesson.

You’re being massively unreasonable in not respecting this person. If they want to be Mix that’s their choice. Your DD should call them that. Getting it wrong once or twice is normal, but deliberately snubbing the choice is not kind.

I’d leave it. But stop telling DD at home that you think it’s ridiculous. It’s truly none of your business and saying Mx, as requested, is a respectful thing to do.

Was it actually misgendering or just a slip of the tongue, like when a kid accidently calls their teacher Mum?

I bet half of them just say HERE.

I work with non-binary people and accidentally misgender sometimes. It’s not intentional. But I always try and get it right.

I’d say it was a slip of the tongue by DD and you should all just move on.

But tutting at home about it being ridiculous isn’t going to help DD.

I have been mistaken for a man when I wore my hair tucked into a woolly hat and no make up 😂

That teacher is an utter twat.

Aside from making children participate in her delusion - it it utterly ridiculous to have to pretend a woman is anything other than a woman.

But to behave like that towards a pupil that made a mistake is poor. It demonstrates that she cares more about her “gender identity” than teaching.

I get called Sir all the time, and Mrs when I am a Miss. By kids and staff. I really can't be arsed to get upset about it. They talk to a dozen different people every day. I call my kids by the wrong name sometimes. I wouldn't raise it but be prepared to fight your dd's corner of she does get comeback.

I'd leave it, we keep getting told it's not a big deal sooooo it won't be will it?

DD swears it was an accident and I believe her. She had a lot on her mind at the moment with some very nasty girls and toxic friendships and her concentration is dipping

Whilst I think it's a load of nonsense i would just grin and bear it unless the the teacher makes a big issue ,I guess treat it as akin to your daughter accidentally saying the wrong name
If the teacher continues to make a big deal of it then say something.

The teacher is being ridiculous. Mx and Miss are easy to mix up. I got the occasional ‘mum’ and even once ‘sir’. I just laughed.
After the ‘sir’ incident I joked that I better shave tomorrow!

When I taught, the kids really couldn't get the Miss/Mrs thing right. I'm not sure adding more complexity helps.

Sorry but I am not telling my DD that sex is not a reality. Gender concepts are regressive and damaging IMO and I want her to know that how you look or your personality doesn’t define your ‘gender’, especially because she herself isn’t a “girly” girl.

I wouldn’t expect her to get into trouble unless she’s doing it repeatedly or deliberately.

But I do think it’s basic manners to address people how they have asked - however you personally feel. Is it really any different from calling a teacher Miss Smith and being corrected to Mrs Smith? I don’t see how she was “shamed”, she was corrected. No big deal, move on.

Mix?? I've heard it all now. I honestly despair.

This

I've misgendered someone before and they were fine about it, if the teacher was unnecessarily harsh then you'd have a point, if they were gently reminding her then that's fair enough. I think that your DD is very likely to come across non-binary people in the future and it's beneficial to her to start being more mindful of this. It's not about an 'agenda' it's about being respectful of people's choices. It's easy to make mistakes but also easy to try and work on them.

And you're right to carry on telling her it's a load of rubbish, no need to make kids feel more anxious than they are. It's no drama at all, it's only words,again as we keep getting reminded 😊

She's only 11...poor thing. Agree she didn't misgender anyone. It's was a slip of the tongue. We also live and are brought up in a society where overwhelmingly we use standard male/female pronouns and terms of address to people..this becomes habit and if we have to remember another way for a specific person, its only natural that mistakes or slips of the tongue will be made. It's not malicious or intentional

People are allowed to have their own points of view on this e subject
As long as the Op,s daughter doesn't deliberately call the teacher by the " wrong" pro nouns what's discussed at home is irrelevant.

Is it really any different from calling a teacher Miss Smith and being corrected to Mrs Smith?

This, you correct if you get a name wrong,

which is what Mx Teacher did.
No big deal, just an "oops, what am I like" and move on. Just like you would if you called someone Sir or Miss and they weren't.

I would consider that interaction you described between your DD and the teacher to be the end of it tbh. I think any escalation either by you or the school would be needless.

Seriously? Mx has been around for absolute years!