To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Kids get miss and Mrs mixed up all the time. I often don’t know what my kids teachers are. I’m not sure they really care!
And in secondary school it seems to be quite common to call all women teachers ‘miss’ often without the surname. It’s just a catch all name.

Telling off a child for using it is ridiculous, as you say. She knows they are female. She can’t deny what her eyes see.

I can’t believe this is even an issue. If you want to raise your daughter tot be polite and respectful to her teachers, she can address her by her non-binary pronoun.

And if you want her to get on in a world made up of all of us and, have friends, and good relationships, teach her equality principles at home. Literally never hurt anybody to be polite.

I'm a primary teacher and a married Ms. The 30 children in my class always get it right; not one of them has called me Mrs D-B.
They say "Good morning/afternoon Ms D-B" to the register.
But the staff appear to struggle far more! Even my book labels are incorrect 😆

Thinking about it, every single school that I've worked in has used "Here!" as the expected response. Occasionally, a child will respond with "Present!"

Why do they have to say "here mx". Why not just "here" or "present" if they want something more formal. Do all the teachers insist on "here sir" "here miss" etc? If not why is this one teacher insisting on this. Seems like they are looking for people to get it wrong? Or constant validation of their "identity"? Either way they are pity on themselves and their ideology ahead of their teaching and the children imo. If it is normal for the school, perhaps it should be changed just to make it easier if everybody including the non-binary or trans staff if people don't have to say miss sir mx whatever. They'll have to say it less then so they'll be less "misgendering" or opportunities to get it wrong.

she didn’t misgender her. she is a woman

Precisely.

This is entirely about the teachers identity and nothing about the actual register process or the child.

@lifeturnsonadime What do you suggest a child calls the teacher if they would like some help etc?

Personally I would have thought any sane person would see someone claiming that a person simply expecting the basic manners of addressing them how they wish to be addressed, as actually indoctrinating children with a harmful ideology, denying sex, encouraging children to transition or kill themselves if they can't and lobbying for men to aggressively shove their way into female spaces for the sole purpose of harming women and children, is mad and taking a small action to an extreme end to make a point. A point that many people find discriminatory and is actually so.overdramatic it can't possibly be true. I would have thought it spoke for itself as it clearly takes such a small thing as please call me X to the extreme.

But that's just me (and some other posters who are repeatedly told they can't possibly right and obviously hate women for not hating the trans and non-binary genderists, whatever a genderist is, it's not a term I recognise)

Has anyone asked this teacher, do you deny sex, hate women and want violent men in vulnerable women's spaces and to encourage children to disfigure themselves or commit suicide? I bet not, but if they did, I'm sure she would say no. Because no one wants that. Obviously. It's so absurd we shouldn't have to point it out.

Teacher? ‘Teacher can you help me with this’ would avoid gendered honorifics if the child doesn’t want to use them.

A child should never be required to validate an identity.

I've actually seen a non-binary teacher in the States advocating for "Teacher" as a gender neutral term.

When I was a 6th Yr, I volunteered at a local nursery and all the children there used to refer to the staff as "Teacher".

Women are mad for pointing out the harms of gender identities?

that’s in addition to pearl clutchers that we had earlier.

I’ll remind you that single sex spaces only came up on this thread after the ‘genderists’ arrived to tell us women to stop our pearl clutching and suggesting that society shouldn’t be based on sex but on gender !

Narcissists and ego maniacs should not be allowed to be teachers.

It absolutely works. Unless you have an agenda there really can’t be an objection to it.

@SwordToFlamethrower Why are you assuming them to be either?
I'm a married Ms and also a primary teacher - do you assume anything about me?

Eh?

@Sword You said about narcs and egomaniacs?

i think you’re misunderstanding this. The teacher in the OP is saying they are non binary and castigating kids who don’t call them Mix.

Ms isn’t an issue and I’m assuming you wouldn’t shame a child who called you Miss or Mrs either ?

@SerenePeach The girl made a mistake, teacher corrected her. The teacher suffered no real harm. I don't think the daughter needs to take on the whole trans issue, she is already going through enough.

@WearyAuldWumman "Teacher" is not my name.

@lifeturnsonadime Of course not, but I would correct them.

Oh ok. But your not requiring them to go along with a gender identity , that is to lie about what they see with their own eyes like the OP teacher that is requiring children to affirm their belief that some people are neither men nor women?

Most teachers don’t care all that much about what they are called by the way, education is more important than being precious about such things .

Do we actually know they are non binary? I mean the OP stated they are, but this might be an assumption. As far as I can work out there was no shaming, just a correction of a name. No big deal. Maybe the correct response should have been "Never mind, try to remember people's names (as this is simply common courtesy) but we all make mistakes sometimes" and then move on (like the teacher probably did within a couple of seconds).

Egomaniacs and narcs is quite an apt description. A child is being bullied and teacher is making a big deal about how she is gendered. That's the height of egocentricity, IMO.

I wish kids could be kids another be burdened by all this gender stuff. The teacher has her spare time in which to be into this activist stuff, no need to bring it into the classroom.

Whether teacher is non binary or not is irrelevant to a student's learning.

The child said the teacher told them she was