To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

My son had a non-binary student teacher, on a long term placement, who he had to refer to as "Max". He said loads of people forgot and even the teacher occasionally called the student "Miss", I wouldn't worry about it.

Why?

I doubt the teacher is expecting an apology or any further discussion on it. For those saying Mx has been around for years, it might have been but if the OP's child has always had to call teachers Miss or Sir I can see why she slipped up there.

It is not acceptable for the teacher to behave this way, humiliating a student like that is a no no. It’s not like your DD consistently did that to her. A slip here and there is to be expected.

You are allowed to have your own views no matter what anyone else says. you dont have to use their ideological genders if you don't want to.

I don't think the teacher humiliated the child at all.

It’s hard to convey in text but DD said it was a mini telling off, rather than jokey. Like when kids get told off for being disruptive and a teacher might say “Really Ruben that the third time I’ve told you off this lesson” kind of thing

And they try and say it’s not a modern day cult….

That would make more sense.

"Here Mx" sounds to me like replying with "Here Mister" to a male teacher. It isn't an automatic response.

Mx, Miss, Sir aren't pronouns anyway!

I don’t need to do anything in my own home, least of all pander to the delusion of grown adults. I’m not pretending a woman isn’t a woman. I’d always respect pronouns to their face, frankly because gender critical people never win and I’m not in the business of cutting my nose off to spite my face, but in private I won’t respect what I don’t respect

What utter nonsense.

There was a male teacher at my child's school in Loughton who asked to be referred to as Mx. He was planning to transition although at that time presented entirely as male, so was using Mx as a stepping stone, I think. I assume the teacher wanted to be called 'them' when being spoken about too. It's an absolute nonsense of course, everyone with a brain knows that, and I view it as wanting power and control over a group of vulnerable people, as all children are. I mean I'd go ape that my daughter was pulled up about this in the first place, disgraceful really. Isn't it against government policy now or something?

I think would be pointless for me personally as I have a very feminine first name that’s fooling no one! I like the idea of using Dr though 😂

Being compelled to use pronouns in this way is being forced to subscribe to an ideology that many don't believe in. This teacher is entitled to perceive themselves how they wish, they cannot demand that other people, especially children, hold that same belief and change their language accordingly. It's akin to being made to pray to a god you don't believe in. It's not "kind" or "inclusive" it's compelled speech.

Oh and to clarify the teacher expects pupils to use they/them pronouns but DD said she’s never had to as how often do you say “he/she/them” in front of a person. I’ve actually taught her it’s rude to refer to people as “she/her” etc in front of people (I of course, like my mother before me, ask her if she is the cat’s mother)

Yes.
HTH

I disagree the teacher is in a position of power. They should have the ability to use basic humanity to realise they are teaching children who make mistakes. They should be secure in themselves not to make a child feel bad.

No you are right, it's actually worse than that. It's teaching children to ignore biological reality and lie to their innate sense of male and female, something which provides children with protection and safety. Knowing who is male and female is vitally important, as is being able to express it.

Your DD used the wrong word, the teacher corrected her. It’s dealt with and done, and there’s absolutely no need for you to stick your oar in now.

You may have your own personal thoughts about the trans issue, but it’s basic manners to call a person by whatever they choose to be called.

Mix 🙄 for goodness sake. Teacher should be focusing on teaching rather than this pointless nonsense. No she shouldn't have shouted at her for making a mistake, especially when shes being asked to deny reality.

I wouldn’t have pandered to her delusions in the first place tbh.

DD is trying her best. I would tell her to keep trying to remember to use MX just as this is how the teacher wants to be addressed and as she is having a tough time at school just make it as easy for her as possible. I personally think it is a load of old self indulgent tripe too and whilst they are in school the children should come first.

But tutting at home about it being ridiculous isn’t going to help DD.

Completely disagree with this- children should know when teachers are teaching and enforcing what we might call shit.

Parents do not have to blindly and obediently do what Mx. says, nor do we have to teach our children principles we disagree with because Mx. would prefer. That’s quite the over reach isn’t it?

I might go as far as saying “when in school this is a necessary accommodation for you to make, but there is no requirement to believe something you just don’t.”
If you think I am going to start reciting that catechism you are sorely mistaken, and the answer is no.

At some point the teacher will probably decide she wants to go back to Miss anyway & the whole thing will start again.