To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

In your op you say the teacher made a small comment on it and moved on.

Suggest you do the same. Teacher has probably forgotten about it

This person isn’t concealing their marital status (otherwise they’d just use Ms like loads of other teachers do) they’re denying their sex and expecting children to play along.

The tide is finally turning on the crap. Enabling twats is not the way forward.

The non binary types feed off attention. Its like oxygen to them. The very best thing you can do is say absolutely nothing to the school. Your daughter needs to call the teacher mx and enjoy the lesson. She knows the teacher is female as does absolutely everyone in the entire world. Some things are a hill to die on ,some things just aren't worth the bother. We have a transwoman in our walking group. They want to be called by a female name. I will always do that but they are no more a woman than I am the Pope. Choose your battles Op. Secondary school is hard enough without making it harder.

I thought she said it was a mistake? Why isn’t she sorry for making a mistake? Someone called me Jane the other day (my name is June, or similar). Absolutely no offence meant or taken, but they still apologised…

I’d be quite concerned that a teacher didn’t know that a title is not a pronoun.

But in all honesty I’d probably just leave it

Teacher was just correcting her preferred use of title. No one likes being told off, even mildly, but it's really no big deal.

Head teacher at my daughters school for divorced so is now Ms Smith not Mrs Smith. The kids are reminded/corrected regularly. I can remember a teacher at my primary school remarrying in the summer holidays and I was told off several times for calling her Mrs Oldname instead of Mrs Newname. The gender thing is a red herring here, I think.

Totally agree with the poster that stated that non-binary doesn't exist.
The only way you can mis gender someone is to call them the opposite sex to what they actually are- and it's usually a mistake!
By calling this teacher 'miss' your daughter did absolutely nothing wrong.

Sick of this shit.

The teacher is right. After 12 weeks she knew exactly how to answer the register. She was being very rude and disrespectful

But it IS ridiculous. I have just given blood, and the blood drop for the iron test is plopped into one of two containers. One for men, one for women. If a bloke turns up in a wig and a dress, his blood will still be plopped into the male container. (I like the word 'plopped'.) The world has gone mad.

I've never actually met anyone who uses Mx and have never had to say Mix to anyone. It's been around a while, but many people will not be familiar with using it day to day.

They love the attention.
The kid at secondary loves running around telling on everyone that refers to her as she rather than non binary and frequently gets them in trouble. Just because she needs mental health help doesn't mean all the other children should lie. Her parents are so wishy washy it's no wonder she's mixed up. All this acceptance rubbish, 😂she will be a furry next

Honestly this is going to turn into a massive debate about gender and sex which isn't helpful to your daughters actual problem. In my opinion, your daughters feelings are valid. I can see how it's humiliating to be told off in front of the class, especially at that age in front of your friends. I also think this teachers feelings are valid in wanting to be addressed in a certain way and feeling fed up at having to constantly correct people (I'm sure your daughter isn't the only one).

Teachers are trained to give every student a blank slate at the beginning of the lesson and start fresh. I think you should encourage your daughter to do the same, especially if she enjoys the subject. Don't write to the school and make it a bigger thing than it needs to be.

😂

Your attitude is spot on OP and your daughter is lucky to have you ❤️

It's entirely different. And I think you probably know that.

Ironically, the only person making it into a big issue is you. The teacher wasn't shaming your daughter. If someone calls me Bethany, I will correct them and say it's Stephanie. It's what normal people do.
You immediately make assumptions that the teacher is going to make a massive hoo-ha out of this exchange and you want to prevent it by making a lot of trouble yourself? Get a grip.

Maybe they should just be known and addressed as teacher

I do think it's incumbent on people who want an unusual form of address to be a bit patient and tolerant of others. You're asking someone to override years of ingrained response, it takes time to embed something new and mistakes are inevitable. Being too brittle about it means that people can't ever interact naturally with you, because from the moment they see you all they can think about is not getting the bloody pronouns wrong.

I think she identifies as someone who is never sorry (she certainly does with me anyway)

The teacher is an absolute joke frankly. Pushing her own needs and attention seeking behaviour on children. Children will slip up, children aren’t there to affirm her. How ridiculous. I’m lost for words. They wouldn’t be teaching my child that’s for sure.

Bollocks was she. It was a mistake. Did you never make a mistake when you had your own problems on your mind?

Educating children is a massive responsibility. You should never ever push your own agenda on a young person. Your job is to be impartial teach fact.

Don't worry about it. I've been called Mum and Sir by kids who go into autopilot.

A reasonable correction would have been "It's Mx", it the BS about 12 weeks and pronouns that makes it unreasonable.