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Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/12/2024 09:39

2024onwardsandup · 02/12/2024 09:18

Of course you shouldn’t give it to her. Stay strong.

This.

Mmhmmn · 02/12/2024 09:40

Why would you lend this person more money knowing what she did last time?

She has a serious problem with overspending. Send her to a debt advice specialist who can help her consolidate repayments. Also tell her she needs to get a grip and start being an adult! The fact that you have a bit of money is neither here nor there - it’s none of her business and you are not her personal cash cow!

FridayFeelingmidweek · 02/12/2024 09:41

Doesn't sound like a friend you need to have in your life. You have a child, the fact she's even asking you (again) is mad. Well done for saying no - keep strong on that. Perhaps tell her she needs to ho to a bank, and that if she asks you for money again the friend ship is over.

RedVelvetIcing · 02/12/2024 09:42

I wouldn’t even lie. Why should you? I’d be telling her not a chance in hell is she freeloading from me.

IAm16StoneHalloween2024 · 02/12/2024 09:43

Life lesson = when you come into money, that's no one's business but yours.

sonjadog · 02/12/2024 09:43

You would be a fool to lend it, and honestly, if you did something so stupid I would think you deserved the stress of trying to get it back from her again. She must think very little of you that she would ask you again after last time.

Jl2014 · 02/12/2024 09:43

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GIVE THIS WOMAN A PENNY.

readingismycardio · 02/12/2024 09:44

What a CF. you don't have to justify why you can't just give her 4k randomly because she "overspent". Wtf.

Scottishskifun · 02/12/2024 09:44

She has shown her true colours to you once before you weren't the priority and truly selfish behaviour.
You are not responsible for her finances she also has options available including speaking to her mortgage company about taking a mortgage holiday.
If she has 4k run up then she hasn't been paying her mortgage each month. If she has run it up on other things then she should investigate getting a 0% balance and doing it that way.

Don't apologise just simply say I won't be lending you the money here's the number for citizens advice.

Autofilia · 02/12/2024 09:44

"no"

"Oh...no"

"No I don't have that kind of money to lend hahaha"

"No, as a single mum who has no-one to help ME, I can't spare that amount for x months AGAIN"

Pick an option depending on how brave you feel, or cycle through depending on what day of the week it is or what colour knickers you're wearing.

Then slow fade her.

Lemonadeand · 02/12/2024 09:44

I’m amazed you got it back the first time to be honest. Did you get it all back.

”Sorry I’m not in a position to be lending money as I’m short of money myself.”

Friendofdennis · 02/12/2024 09:45

Obviously you must have told her about the inheritance. I would not be sharing information like this with anyone again so now she has it in her head that you can help her out again. She is irresponsible and manipulative as well. Please do. It lend her any more money.

godmum56 · 02/12/2024 09:45

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Londonrach1 · 02/12/2024 09:46

No and stay strong!

Friendofdennis · 02/12/2024 09:46

Friendofdennis · 02/12/2024 09:45

Obviously you must have told her about the inheritance. I would not be sharing information like this with anyone again so now she has it in her head that you can help her out again. She is irresponsible and manipulative as well. Please do. It lend her any more money.

Please don’t lend her any more

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 02/12/2024 09:47

Please don't. You aren't a bank and she shouldn't be taking advantage of you.

If you're a conflict avoider and don't feel like you can just say no then you could tell her you've stuck it all in a 12 month fixed bond to earn some good interest but can't withdraw it.

GoldenLegend · 02/12/2024 09:47

Absolutely not. In fact I rather think you’ve invested it in a long term bond and can’t get at it.

Dotto · 02/12/2024 09:48

You don't have to justify your decline, a "no thank you" will do. But if you prefer to lie, say it's tied up in investments and not accessible

TheBlueRobin · 02/12/2024 09:48

DO NOT LEND IT TO HER. If you are, you are just a fool and your 'friend' knows it

Maia77 · 02/12/2024 09:48

Noooo. She's shown you she can't be trusted.

FantasticButtocks · 02/12/2024 09:49

Send her a text for absolute clarity:

In answer to your request to borrow another £4k, After the last time - Absolutely not. Please don't ask me again.

ClairDeLaLune · 02/12/2024 09:49

Don’t lend it to her (obviously!) but don’t lie to her or make excuses. Tell her the truth - last time was really stressful for you and you’re not prepared to go through that again. If she says she’ll pay you back quickly this time, remind her that she said that last time. Then say you’re not prepared to discuss it further.

What a cheeky fucker.

Dotto · 02/12/2024 09:49

Tell her you've spent it all 😂

Dotto · 02/12/2024 09:50

You must be so disappointed in your friend.

Original poster
Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:51

Dotto · 02/12/2024 09:50

You must be so disappointed in your friend.

I really am very upset this morning.

OP posts:
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