Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 02/12/2024 10:00

I would add that no one loses their house in a week. There’s no bill that can’t wait until next week.

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 02/12/2024 10:00

Not sure why people are saying to 'tell her it's invested', don't lie and just say 'no'! Fgs

Raininginparadise2 · 02/12/2024 10:00

Allthehorsesintheworld · 02/12/2024 09:55

No. Your money is invested in an account for DD and you can’t access it.
End of.

This

Branster · 02/12/2024 10:00

Don't lend her anymore money!
She gas reeled you in, of sorts, so you might believe she will pay it back like she did last time (late but still paid back).
Your responsibility is to look after your own family, not after her family.
If you feel awkward about it, just lie and say you spent it to clear off an old bank loan where you defaulted or something like that. You don't want her to think you can take out a new loan to help her out.
Do not give this woman any more money, ever. Unless you're happy to never see it paid back.

AnonymousBleep · 02/12/2024 10:01

BeensOnToost · 02/12/2024 09:55

Just rip off the plaster and reply now so it's out of your hands.

Don't feel bad, she should feel mortified asking once, twice is just a pisstake. Reframe your mind: it is awful of her to put you in this position. She is positing you as the person with the power to decide her fate.

I'll bet she just wants to buy something but knows she can't ask without a sob story.

Coincidence that she's asking over Black Friday weekend???

Show quote history

Yeah, this. She doesn't need it for her mortgage, she's buying a holiday or something.

AnonymousBleep · 02/12/2024 10:02

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 02/12/2024 10:00

Not sure why people are saying to 'tell her it's invested', don't lie and just say 'no'! Fgs

Because her friend will think she can wear her down if she thinks she can still get her hands on the money. Easier to say she can't access the money than she won't.

Borninabarn32 · 02/12/2024 10:02

Absolutely not. If she can pay you back next week she can pay her mortgage next week. They're not going to evict her and sell her house in the space of a week especially two weeks before Christmas.

Mummybud · 02/12/2024 10:03

Please do not give her any money, and evaluate whether she is really a friend. I’m so sorry this has happened to you again.

TPJB · 02/12/2024 10:03

I think you are entirely justified in saying no. If necessary make up the excuse that you have tied it up in a non accessible account. She will get the message. It is really sad that as soon as someone comes into a little bit of money, so called friends think they are entitled to a share.

Irridescantshimmmer · 02/12/2024 10:03

Continue to stand your ground with her, abd keep saying no to the 4K, as you are still waiting fo the 6K.

She is using you as a cashpoint.

JadeSeahorse · 02/12/2024 10:03

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 02/12/2024 09:19

Nope! No! No! No!

Tell her the money is invested and can't be touched for a long time.

Do not fall for any more sob stories and DON'T feel guilty!!

Been there, done that.

Definitely this!

You've now invested the whole amount in a high interest fixed rate bond which can't be touched for several years.

What a cow! 🤬

ElsieMc · 02/12/2024 10:04

I have been asked for money for a car by a family member.

It was £15,000. Mine cost £4500. It was a no from me. My savings are in a lock up account and the best move we made.

Cash aside please stop thinking of this person as your friend. She is a user who has caused you stress. You were lucky to get it back so please do not go back there. Do not feel guilt and block her today.

TeeBee · 02/12/2024 10:04

Wow, who on earth asks to borrow that much money from a friend in the first place...let alone when she has been so ropey in paying you back the first time and causing you lots of stress. She is the cheekiest of fuckers. I'd honestly just reply back a flat 'No'. You'll soon see how much your friendship means to her. Her overspending and relying on you to bail her out is doing her no favours whatsoever. You need to take a massive step back and let her learn to become a grown up.

CagneyAndLazy · 02/12/2024 10:04

You can't lend it to her as you've invested it in a longer term bond, so unfortunately you can't help her out.

But to be honest I'd be a lot more blunt than that - and I have been in the past with 'friends' - and tell her that after the stress she caused you last time there is no way you would consider it again.

A true friend wouldn't put you through that. If she falls out with you over it then she's shown her true colours with regard to your friendship.

DoloresDelEriba · 02/12/2024 10:04

Do not lend her it. I lent 5K to a good friend. She never mentioned it again or made any effort to pay me back. In the end I said - ooh about that 5k, don't worry about paying it back - because I was so mortified she hadn't even mentioned it. She knew I would because I am kind (or stupid). Do not be manipulated like I was. Say NO.

2Rebecca · 02/12/2024 10:05

Why is she still your friend? You don't need people who use you like this in your life. She needs to learn to manage her money and live within her means

Nothatgingerpirate · 02/12/2024 10:05

Never lend her money again.
Simple.

mumuseli · 02/12/2024 10:06

As others have said, stay strong! It's clear you're now feeling stressed and bad, but just remember this all her issue and it's wrong of her to put you in this position. You've done nothing wrong! So make sure your 'no' is firm and clear. You shouldn't even have to give excuses, but if it helps you feel more comfortable then you can make a firm excuse to explain why it's a no. But the main thing to remember is you have every right to say no (especially after her history)! x

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 02/12/2024 10:06

@Goldilock1234 I completely understand your upset. A few years ago, I helped my friend so much that I even allowed her to live rent-free for a few months in a cottage on my property. And the odd month here and there when I knew she was struggling.

But she has completely taken advantage of our generosity and as angry as I am, I am also very very hurt by it.

Now she is off on temporary disability leave and awaiting a diagnosis of 'possible' MS. She's already said that she almost couldn't afford rent this month and I'm going to have to be the monster that insists on it every month as I need that money for my own family to survive.

Urgh, it's an impossible situation and entirely of my own making. I should've been stronger earlier on. DON'T BE ME!!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/12/2024 10:06

That's quite a brass neck she's got.

Butchyrestingface · 02/12/2024 10:07

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house

Presumably you TOLD her about the inheritance? Stop bloody telling people.

poppetandmog · 02/12/2024 10:07

Do not give her the money. If you don't feel comfortable telling her why, just say it's invested and you don't have access to it (not that your finances are any of her business, but the people pleaser in me would feel the need to provide an explanation.)

CagneyAndLazy · 02/12/2024 10:07

Just to add, OP, I'd tackle this very much on the front foot with her; tell her you can't believe she's even asking after what happened last time.

There's no need to explain yourself to her, make her think about her behaviour, not yours.

bluebalou · 02/12/2024 10:08

Just say it's tied away in an isa and can't be touched ( aka cheeky bitch after last time )

Latevictorianpleasureseeker · 02/12/2024 10:08

If you need an excuse tell her you have put all of the inheritance into your pension and you can no longer access it until your late 50s

Swipe left for the next trending thread