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Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
Bestfootforward11 · 02/12/2024 22:17

No do not lend it to her. You had huge hassle trying to get it back before, she has dug her own hole on that. It looks like she does not take managing her own money seriously or returning money borrowed. While it might be ok for a friend to ask for a loan, they have to accept the response, whatever it may be. If the friendship cannot withstand not being lent money then it’s not a friendship I’d want.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/12/2024 22:18

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

And how did she make you feel by continually dodging repayment of the previous loan. She's a Cheeky Fucker. You are absolutely right to have told her where to go.

CheeseyOnionPie · 02/12/2024 22:20

Wow she’s got a nerve. I would reply back reminding her that last time you lent her money she promised the same and you had to chase her down for it. No way. Bonus if she ends the friendship.

EdithStourton · 02/12/2024 22:21

There are friends and friends, OP.
This one has shown what sort she is.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/12/2024 22:25

I can't believe you didn't distance yourself once she returned your money.
But even more incredulous that she's expecting to borrow another chunk from you after behaving so disgracefully the last time.

cakewench · 02/12/2024 22:31

Respond to that last text from her with just a 👍

Or “awkward was me trying to get the last loan back from you for months whilst you swanned off to the Maldives. Unfortunately that’s led me to be less inclined to believe your stories.”

However, the 👍 will get to her much more than the truth will.

Enterthedragonqueen · 02/12/2024 22:31

Ask her to lend you money, she'll drop you like a hot potato so problem sorted.

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 22:35

I mean who the hell asks to borrow 6k? I think you are extremely lucky that she kept her word (eventually), but do not expect her to keep it every time.

How are you with budgets OP? I only ask because I had a friend who was asking me for large amounts of money (not in your league though) and whilst I could afford, I wasn't prepared to lose it.what I did was offer time helping her go through income and expenditure. I felt that I'd offered support and so didn't feel any guilt - not that I'm saying you should feel ANY guilt for refusing.

Undisclosedlocation · 02/12/2024 22:39

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

She doesn’t feel awkward. She’s ANGRY

Her lovely cash cow has switch off the supply of ready cash and she’s now attempting to manipulate you into feeling guilty -doubtless to try and keep negotiations open

She is not a friend in any way. Block and ignore

deste · 02/12/2024 22:43

Tell her its been invested in a long term investment and you dont have access to it. Please don’t give her it.

Normallynumb · 02/12/2024 22:45

I wouldn't dignify her reply with a response
She has the hide of a rhino to even think about asking for another " loan"
Let alone say you made he feel awkward!
I'd be done with her
You've been through enough, OP Please yourself over being a people pleaser
I used to be like you until I realised they wouldn't reciprocate if it was me.

Sj07 · 02/12/2024 22:51

I wouldn't be making any excuses about where the money is, or what it's tied into, or how you can't access it. Just say no. Trusted you once and you let me down. It won't happen a second time. Also NO is a complete sentence.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 22:56

Wordau · 02/12/2024 22:14

This!

Cheeky fucking cow. She's no friend.

I'd reply saying, "I'm not surprised you feel awkward, asking me for another loan after what happened last time. It's a shame you've got yourself into financial difficulties again, but you reap what you sow."

Show quote history

I had a friend who would send me text messages asking for money: "I haven't a pot to piss in..."

I'd eventually get back the money. Next time, she'd ask for more. I'll not go into it all, but in the end I wrote off two hundred so as not to go through it all again.

SpryCat · 02/12/2024 22:58

You were damn lucky to get it back in the first place! I would say no you are not lending money out again to anyone as it was a real hassle and stressful last time getting it back. A true friend will understand and accept that and if she plays up ditch her.

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 23:00

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 22:56

I had a friend who would send me text messages asking for money: "I haven't a pot to piss in..."

I'd eventually get back the money. Next time, she'd ask for more. I'll not go into it all, but in the end I wrote off two hundred so as not to go through it all again.

Show quote history

Yes, I've written off money before, and the feeling of saying 'Just keep that but never ask me again', has been the most liberating feeling in that situation.

Movingonup313 · 02/12/2024 23:02

In four weeks time, or whatever timeframe you like, text her and ask to borrow money off her. If you get it, make her repeatedly ask you for it back. Make it a long process which infers you dont have access to the inheritance any more. She wont ask again.

If she doesnt loan to you - she will still get the message that you no longer have access to that money.

Sorry for your loss - its difficult enough with leeches.

All the best to you.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 23:02

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 23:00

Yes, I've written off money before, and the feeling of saying 'Just keep that but never ask me again', has been the most liberating feeling in that situation.

Show quote history

Yup. That was it precisely.

She contacted me years after she'd borrowed the money (on FB): "How are you? I've got your money for you."

I told her just to keep it.

Owl55 · 02/12/2024 23:05

Tell her you have invested it for a fixed term and cannot withdraw any or you will be penalized ! Cheeky !!!

Ellie56 · 02/12/2024 23:06

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Cheeky mare - how rude! Shock
She did that all by herself!

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 23:07

@WearyAuldWumman bless you. I'm assuming the friendship fizzled out too.

I really hope the OP realises that it's much better to have decent friends that don't make you feel like shit for expecting a fair and honest relationship.

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2024 23:07

People can be absolute CF’s when they find out you’ve got a bit of money.

My friend was made redundant last year and the first thing her bf (of 4 years) asked when she got her settlement was if she could lend him 10 grand. When she refused he called her selfish - he’s no longer her bf btw.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 23:23

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 23:07

@WearyAuldWumman bless you. I'm assuming the friendship fizzled out too.

I really hope the OP realises that it's much better to have decent friends that don't make you feel like shit for expecting a fair and honest relationship.

Yes, and I agree with you on every count.

In my case she'd asked could she get my parents' cooker when I cleared out their house. She'd pay to hire a van. In the end, she got the cooker plus my dad's Craftmatic bed and I paid for the hire of the van, though she transported Mum's favourite chair to our house for her. (Her son and son-in-law carried out everything.)

[ETA She borrowed the 200 after that.]

The friend had volunteered to drive me to hospital for a day op - I hadn't asked; it was her idea. I was so relieved: DH couldn't drive since his stroke. By then, we were working in different places. When I phoned her with the time: "Oh, I have to take the girls to the dentist."

I'd intended to write off the debt in recompense for her driving me in. I paid for a taxi and a nurse managed to organise for patient transport to take me home after my op.

Being let down over the hospital lift hurt more than anything. The next time I heard from her was when she contacted me on FB a good while after I retired.

After my husband died, I discovered that she'd also borrowed money from other members of our department, though they eventually got it back. I was appalled. I felt that I'd failed my staff. None of us knew that she'd been borrowing from the rest. There should have been no need for it: she and her husband both had reasonable wages.

I think that I was a bit vulnerable: my social circle had collapsed as a result of working full time and caring for first my parents and then my husband. Looking back, I was grateful to have a "friend".

For the OP's sake, I'm glad that she's realised that her "friend" is a user.

Cornishclio · 02/12/2024 23:28

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

I would respond saying that it was not as bad as the way she made you feel having to constantly remind her to pay the first loan back while she was spending left right and centre. How entitled she is. That would be the end for me.

MangoRose · 02/12/2024 23:29

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Wow, she really has no self awareness!

You have 100% done the right thing. I lent a friend some money for her to come on holiday with me last year, stupidly did the same this year even though she'd only paid half off. She hasn't paid me regularly to clear it and every month asks for me to lend her small amounts between £20 and £40, she does pay that back but I feel like such a mug as I never say no and she continues not to pay me the other money she owes.

HereForTheAnimals · 02/12/2024 23:29

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 23:23

Yes, and I agree with you on every count.

In my case she'd asked could she get my parents' cooker when I cleared out their house. She'd pay to hire a van. In the end, she got the cooker plus my dad's Craftmatic bed and I paid for the hire of the van, though she transported Mum's favourite chair to our house for her. (Her son and son-in-law carried out everything.)

[ETA She borrowed the 200 after that.]

The friend had volunteered to drive me to hospital for a day op - I hadn't asked; it was her idea. I was so relieved: DH couldn't drive since his stroke. By then, we were working in different places. When I phoned her with the time: "Oh, I have to take the girls to the dentist."

I'd intended to write off the debt in recompense for her driving me in. I paid for a taxi and a nurse managed to organise for patient transport to take me home after my op.

Being let down over the hospital lift hurt more than anything. The next time I heard from her was when she contacted me on FB a good while after I retired.

After my husband died, I discovered that she'd also borrowed money from other members of our department, though they eventually got it back. I was appalled. I felt that I'd failed my staff. None of us knew that she'd been borrowing from the rest. There should have been no need for it: she and her husband both had reasonable wages.

I think that I was a bit vulnerable: my social circle had collapsed as a result of working full time and caring for first my parents and then my husband. Looking back, I was grateful to have a "friend".

For the OP's sake, I'm glad that she's realised that her "friend" is a user.

Edited
Show quote history

@WearyAuldWumman I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What a horrible person. I hope that things are better for you now, and I hope that you are surrounded by lovely people.

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