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Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
RedVelvetIcing · 02/12/2024 09:28

I thought you were going to say a modest amount like £100 but £6k!? AND a further £4k!!

Do not give her a penny and tell her to fuck off. She will bleed you dry if she could and as a single mum you need that money for yourself.

I’m sure her debt can wait a week.

romdowa · 02/12/2024 09:28

Why do you feel guilty? Do you think she felt guilty when she delayed paying you back your 6k? Tell her you can't help and I'd be making it clear she wasn't to ask me for money again.

Squirrelblanket · 02/12/2024 09:28

Is this a serious question?! Say no.

IVFmumoftwo · 02/12/2024 09:29

Don't lend her it.

Flumoxed · 02/12/2024 09:29

Tell her to speak to her mortgage company to arrange a payment break. Tell her the money is tied up in a high interest account and there are penalties if you take it out. If you lend it to her, tell her she will need to pay back more than the value of the loan to cover the penalties.

Coconutter24 · 02/12/2024 09:29

“No, I told you how stressful it was having to chase the money last time. I’m not doing that again”

What would she do if you didn’t have this money? She’d have to sort it out herself. Don’t feel bad not bailing her out that’s not your responsibility

LostittoBostik · 02/12/2024 09:30

Do not lend it to her.

She doesn't need to know your situation in detail. Simply say you do not have the money at the moment and you can't help.

lizzyBennet08 · 02/12/2024 09:30

Tell her you ve out in a long term savings bond and can't access it for 10 years .

BeensOnToost · 02/12/2024 09:30

Look at it this way:

Why would you choose to spend £4k on being stressed out?

It's madness. Imo you were extremely lucky to have got any of your 6k back.

If you must, lie and tell her it's locked into no access savings or that you've already spent it so that she won't ask again. Or be direct and tell her you don't want to.

Hankunamatata · 02/12/2024 09:31

No - I'm not in the position to be able to lend money

Uricon2 · 02/12/2024 09:31

What the hell has she "overspent" 4K on?! It sounds like she has an ongoing serious issue with money management

Remember the struggle you had to get the money back last time. This time you might not be so lucky and TBH anyone who prioritised luxury holidays and a new car over repaying a debt as promised would no longer be considered a friend.

Jostuki · 02/12/2024 09:32

She is an unpleasant user.

You learnt the hard way never to lend money to friends and here she is again, popping up like a bad smell.

Say it once and once only when she asks to borrow money -

NOT A CHANCE IN HELL.

IVFmumoftwo · 02/12/2024 09:32

Say you can't access it and see how quickly she stops being in contact with you.

DeliciousApples · 02/12/2024 09:32

No no no no no no no.

Don't feel bad. If she'd kept her word and paid you back WHEN SHE SHOULD instead if later, you could consider it. But not under these circs.

As a pp said, tell her you can't access it as it's been invested. So that's that.

I'd offer to help her with a handhold if she wants to get her debts sorted and help her make an appointment with CAB or Stepchange.

Under no circs loan her any money. She's shite with money and will not end up better off unless she changes. Which she clearly hasn't

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/12/2024 09:32

You absolutely must not lend her any more. She has a problem managing money and cash injections will not help her. TBH I think you were very lucky to get the 6K back but it was a nightmare for you.
If you want to help her you could support her in getting advice about budgeting from Stepchange or similar.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 02/12/2024 09:32

You clearly are posting for reassurance so here it is:

Do NOT give this woman a penny.

You would be taking away security from your child to help out a freeloading piss taker who has no respect for you.

this is also 💯 correct…

When she says 'I can't afford my mortgage and will lose my house', what you need to hear is 'I've spent the mortgage money on a holiday and will lose my house due to my own stupidity' because that's what she's doing.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 02/12/2024 09:33

Tell her it's tied up in your pension.
Then block this CF.

Gingercatlover · 02/12/2024 09:34

Wow! So she can afford expensive holidays and then is not paying the mortgage? Doesn't add up and I would not lend it to her.

No genuine friend would put you through the stress she put you through the first time.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 02/12/2024 09:34

Just say your money is tied up in long investments so you can’t do anything to help.

Redburnett · 02/12/2024 09:35

Block her, she is not your friend.

Bjorkdidit · 02/12/2024 09:35

Don't make up stories about the money being inaccessible. It could be laid out on your coffee table in £50 notes and it would be no more reason for you to lend it to her.

Leaving aside the people who genuinely are short of money, in a lot of cases the biggest difference between people who have money and those who don't is that the people who have money have budgeted, saved and gone without while those who say they don't have any money, have always just spent every penny they've had.

IsawwhatIsaw · 02/12/2024 09:36

Just say no.
she’s not a friend and she’s using you.
Be prepared that once you refuse, you’re of no use to her and she’ll move on elsewhere.

Dashel · 02/12/2024 09:37

Hell would freeze over first after the first time.

Never lend more than you would happily give to that person.

If she doesn’t pay you back that sounds like a big loss for you so no, it’s not worth the risk and it’s not like she has a great track record, there is a lot of risk and no reward.

Gymnopedie · 02/12/2024 09:37

If she needs the money then she gets a bank loan. Not a Goldilocks loan.

But of course the bank will expect repayments to be made, and on time.

No way do you lend her the money, and don't feel the tiniest smidgeon of guilt. The money isn't there for her to get her mitts on any time she feels like it, it's for the security of you and your daughter.

SJM1988 · 02/12/2024 09:38

Just tell her no the money is allocated for now. Do not feel guilty and if she makes you feel guilty or keeps asking if you say no, step back from the friendship

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