Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Don't lend it to her and say you don't have access to it because it's tied up in investments, sorry.

you are not an ATM. You have invested the money

"No im suprised your asking after you messed me about last time."

Who overspends 4 grand anyway? She needs to learn to manage her money better.

Or “Hahaha you are joking surely after last time!!”

Honestly, I would just tell her no, and stick to it. You've already been through this once, and it caused you so much stress. You don’t owe her anything, especially when it’s going to jeopardize your own stability.

Real friends don’t behave like this.
Basically she’s exploiting your kindness. Don’t let her - protect yourself and then step away.

Surely her mortgage should be her priority, if she is not paying it by spending her money on lavish holidays and new cars then that is her own stupid fault. And £6k last time and £4k this time, that is some serious defaulting on her mortgage, please do not lend her the money i really dont think you will get the money back this time

Just tell her the money is locked away in investments and you cant get it out.

Tell her it's tied up in no access saving bonds or you've.given to your mum or whatever you want
But do not give her any money. It was hard and stressful last time. If she has a 4k mortgage then she has a salary to afford this. If she can't afford it this month then she's going to not afford it next month. She needs to call the bank and sort out with them not you

No way lend it .As others have said say it’s tied up for your daughters future

Do NOT lend her money. If she was a real friend to you she wouldn't even ask. Absurd that she can be having holidays and luxury cars and then asking to borrow money.

“Hi friend, I’m sorry I can’t lend anyone money at the moment, everything I have has been carefully allocated and is tied up in fixed term / higher interest accounts. I don’t have access to anything quickly. Hope you find a good solution xxx”

Just rip off the plaster and reply now so it's out of your hands.

Don't feel bad, she should feel mortified asking once, twice is just a pisstake. Reframe your mind: it is awful of her to put you in this position. She is positing you as the person with the power to decide her fate.

I'll bet she just wants to buy something but knows she can't ask without a sob story.

Coincidence that she's asking over Black Friday weekend???

Of course you don’t give her the money. Feel no guilt over doing so - she doesn’t feel guilty about depriving your child of that money.

She has holidays and new car but can't pay mortgage. It's her who has an issue with money, she can't control her spending and you are not her personal bank.

It would be a flat out no for me but then I don't lend money after SIL took the p*ss. If you need to make an excuse that it's not in an accessible account or you have invested it or even spent it, it's up to you how you let her down - either gently with an excuse or a thud with a flat out no and tell her to prioritise her spending

There should be no guilty feeling on your part, you have done nothing wrong

No. Your money is invested in an account for DD and you can’t access it.
End of.

£4k is a huge amount of money! Obviously you’d want to say “No, you made a fool of me last time!” but in the interest of remaining drama free I’d just say “Sorry, I’ve invested the money for my daughter. Hope you get sorted”
and ignore every future message. Don’t get sucked in!

You say to friend.
"My inheritance is for me, not you.
I bailed you out the first time & you caused a massive amount of stress with me having to chase you to get it repaid.
Since then I have put it in a 5 year savings plan. but even if I hadn't , I am sorry I could not go through that again, please don't ask me for money again."

Yeah don't do it. I would say outright you won't be lending money to anyone anymore as not getting it back on time causes too much stress. Then hold your ground.

You'd also be enabling what's clearly poor financial management on her part by bailing her out again - she needs to change her spending behaviour

You don't have to explain or apologise to her! Just say "Terribly sorry, Friend, I can't help. I hope you get it sorted." Nothing else is needed. Apart from anything else, about 7 other people probably got the same message from her this morning anyway. I'm sure you're not the only person she considers to be a soft touch.

Just say no. It’s allocated to stuff that you need to pay. Explain you are not lending money anymore.

Remind yourself how long it took to get the last lot back! You owe her no explanation and she has a bloody cheek thinking she could ask you again. Just a flat No, try the bank. I'd also keep your distance as she's not your friend.

YABU for even considering helping her again, you need to have better boundaries!!!

You say no sorry it's all tied up/ invested.
Is this someone you want in your life OP? Happy to take money from your own child 😳