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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 02/12/2024 09:18

Of course you shouldn’t give it to her. Stay strong.

theugly5 · 02/12/2024 09:18

Please do not give her any more money and end the friendship. She clearly doesn’t place any value on your relationship and is using you for money

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/12/2024 09:18

She’s not your friend. She’s a user and sees you as a cash machine. Don’t doubt yourself. You can just no, not after last time. It’s literally NOT your problem.

ThianWinter · 02/12/2024 09:19

Don’t lend her any more money, simply tell her the money is accounted for and she’ll have to get an official loan from the bank.

UserSchmoozer33 · 02/12/2024 09:19

Do not even think about lending money to this person again! You probably won't get it back and the stress is not worth it. Tell her the money has been spent (eg in mortgage overpayments or something) and don't discuss your finances like this with anyone again, even most family. You've had a lucky escape getting the £6k back so don't push your luck! Enjoy whatever the money is for.

Mumofgirls24 · 02/12/2024 09:19

Absolutely not your problem, don’t do it and don’t feel guilty. This is on her.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 02/12/2024 09:19

Nope! No! No! No!

Tell her the money is invested and can't be touched for a long time.

Do not fall for any more sob stories and DON'T feel guilty!!

Been there, done that.

ChaosHol1 · 02/12/2024 09:20

Just say "Im not in a position to help, good luck getting it sorted" she's got a cheek and not very much of a friend putting that extra stress on you then asking again after last time.

Otins · 02/12/2024 09:20

You are not unreasonable.

Do Not lend her the money.

Her overspend is not your problem.

And besides, I’m sure I heard you say you locked the money into a high interest account for 12 months….😉

Attheedgeoftown · 02/12/2024 09:21

There’s an old saying
“Fool me once, shame on you,
Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Could you tell her to talk to her bank and advise them she will pay next week instead?

LittleRedRidingHoody · 02/12/2024 09:22

Of course not! If you want to continue the friendship and feel awkward saying no, just say you've locked it in a high interest account you don't have access to because people keep trying to sponge off you

BlondeFool · 02/12/2024 09:22

Say you haven't got access to it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 02/12/2024 09:23

@Goldilock1234 you are not a personal loan company just for her! your money is all tied up in pensions now though, isnt it! this is what you say to her. no access to it.

Fraaahnces · 02/12/2024 09:23

No is a complete sentence. Tell her it’s invested and you can’t touch it. You’re not her fallback policy.

Bjorkdidit · 02/12/2024 09:23

It is not your place to fill the holes in your friend's finances when she manages her finances so irresponsibly.

When she says 'I can't afford my mortgage and will lose my house', what you need to hear is 'I've spent the mortgage money on a holiday and will lose my house due to my own stupidity' because that's what she's doing.

That money is for your own financial stability and security, not a no questions asked free overdraft facility for your feckless 'friend'.

Nap1983 · 02/12/2024 09:24

You would be a fool to lend it… and what a brass neck she has asking…

lastgreat · 02/12/2024 09:24

Please do not lend her the money. She is taking the actual piss.

Rainbow321 · 02/12/2024 09:25

That would be an absolute no from me.
Years ago ( and I'm talking years ) a much older work colleague asked for some money, not even a lot , some amount you'd carry in your purse .
I never received it back , and never lend out either.
Good lesson learnt.

Combattingthemoaners · 02/12/2024 09:26

She’s a grown woman and she is not your responsibility. You have already been extremely kind once and she took advantage. Don’t cave!

Chemenger · 02/12/2024 09:26

It is not your job to compensate for her poor money management. Don’t lend her anything. Tell her all your money is spent.

TenderChicken · 02/12/2024 09:26

I can't believe you'd even consider it. Absolutely don't do it.

Defrump · 02/12/2024 09:27

NO.

Pelagi · 02/12/2024 09:27

Adding to the chorus of YANBU above. You do not need to feel at all guilty or obliged to give in to this request. I would advise you to protect your own future.

Favouritefruits · 02/12/2024 09:27

Don’t give her a penny! Tell her it’s all gone and you don’t have anything left if you don’t want to say no. If she’s a true friend just say you don’t feel comfortable and see how she reacts.

Ohnobackagain · 02/12/2024 09:28

@Goldilock1234 just keep saying no. Try not to feel guilty; you have no reason to.