Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

I'd say together you must be joking after last time... what a knob

It would be a no and don't ever ask me for money again.

Don’t lend it. If you don’t want to tell her no then just say you’ve used most of it to pay a chunk off of your mortgage and the rest is tied up in a savings account for DD that doesn’t allow withdrawals. She doesn’t need to know the truth.

Just tell her you value your friendship but the money is tied up and not accessible. She’s taking the piss, this is your money and you are not obliged to lend her a Penny piece. If she gets the hump then she’s not a true friend and just move on. You don’t need ‘friend’ like that in your life, you owe her nothing.
live by the mantra… ‘Never a lender nor a borrower be’

If you want to reply to that, maybe:

If you feel awkward, that's actually completely appropriate, and that feeling should tell you something. Shame you didn't feel to awkward to ask me again after the last time. Please don't put me in this position again.

It actually only takes a few days to get your money if you want to cash in premium bonds.

Maybe you were thinking that you may as well wait until the next draw takes place before relinquishing?

Well, that's a good point. I know you've already texted her now, but I'd send her a final text asking for the interest you lost. See you awkward she feels then 😆

Another reply suggestion:

Not awkward enough to actually apologise though.

Absolutely not. Do not give her a penny!!! Tell her she took the piss and broke your trust last time

"It is only awkward because I helped you out to the tune of 6 grand then you messed me about over paying it back! You blocked me from seeing your holidays on SM so that you could plead poverty when I wanted my money back and lied to me. I am genuinely shocked that you would have the bare faced cheek to ask again after that. I think its best that we have no further contact as I simply cannot be friends with someone who thinks its ok to treat people this way"

Your money is in a stock and share ISA with no withdrawals (or something similar) I think….

She’s the one in the wrong! What a doofus.
honestly, you were a very generous friend to loan her money the first time and she took the absolute piss with you by not paying you back when she could and prioritising luxury holidays over returning the money.
she can go sod off

Not sure if it’s been asked or answered but if she’s asking for £4000 today where will she be getting the money from to pay you back next week

No.

i hoped you charged her the interest you lost on the 6k.

if she is choosing luxury holidays and a car whilst owing you money it indicates that she is struggling to spend within her means. If she needs money she can take an official bank loan out,

I had a friend like this, it took me a long time to see it and I forgave a lot of the debt, but now I would never lend her money or be her friend. Despite me going NC she still texts on the odd occasion asking if I can lend her money. I don't respond anymore. Do not give this person any more money, you are not responsible for digging her out of self inflicted holes. She will need to have a conversation with her mortgage company, if she's telling you the truth

Oh send this! It's perfect.

I would reply with: not as awkward as it was for me knowing you were in the Maldives and refusing to return 6k to me. You lied about that to me, pleading poverty, I don’t think awkward is quite the word you are looking for.

I find the amounts she asked for to be odd... 6 grand then 4 grand!!!! That's not someone overspent on their budget or missed a mortgage payment!! That's a seriously CF thinking she actually would get away with not paying it back. She really was using you as a free money ATM..... I mean, how does anyone need to borrow 6000 one week with the promise to pay it back quickly ?? Where was she getting it from to repay you ?? Total chancer. I've been done like that before with much smaller amounts, a niece, and I did give her 2 "loans".
So she thought it okay to ask for a third... that time the answer was NO... no explanation.. no excuses... Just NO !!! And I never was repaid. I now do not ever lend money to anyone .... and I certainly would never let anyone know how much I've got. You're well rid!!!!

Well if you didn’t know before, you do now - it’s all about her, and her cheek knows no bounds. I wouldn’t bother replying just block and forget. I’ve just read your post about her blocking you from seeing holiday details etc on FB. She comes across as a bit naive if she didn’t think that would get back to you some other way - via mutual friends for example. And it also demonstrates nicely that she went out of her way to stop you from finding out because she knew perfectly well she should have paid you back before indulging herself. She has a money problem and you’re right to step back and not get any further involved.

“No you made you feel awkward”

@Goldilock1234 my reply would have been "absolutely fucking not"! I'm glad you told her and stood up for yourself. I'm really sorry your friend isn't who you thought she was

No way just say its now put away for your child

I can not actually fathom how someone could be so unbelievably rude! To ask you for money again in the first place and to then accuse you of making her feel awkward! What an utter bell-end! You do not need “friends” like this in your life. The level of CF’ery is off the scale.

This, OP. She's being the cheekiest fucker there is.

Please send this.