Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

I’d either reply ‘back atcha’ or just a 👍 then accept the friendship is over

If there is any 'awkwardness' then she has caused it, OP.

It was incredibly kind of you to lend to her last time, if naive, and she really took advantage. I'm so glad you got the money back.

I'd be replying to her with a simple 'Once bitten, twice shy' and keeping my finances to myself moving forward.

If they don't know you have it, they're not likely to ask for it.

This is better!!

You did the right thing. You don't end up in repossession trouble with your mortgage lightly (if indeed she is). She is still most likely lying to you. How would she have got her hands on 4k next week to repay you if she can't this week? I'm sure the mortgage company would have held on for one more week. Is she borrowing from Peter to pay Paul? If you had wanted to maintain the friendship I would have just said no but she has used you, lied to you, hidden things from you so I wouldn't feel bad about what you said.

I cannot actually believe what I’ve just read! The manipulation and barefaced cheek of this woman is staggering. Mortgage debt and will pay you back in a week my ass. Scheming, lying cretin. She is a dangerous person and I would let everyone close to you know exactly the kind of devious, shameless, advantage taking piece of shit this woman is before she tries to extort anyone else.

Don’t allow her to spin any kind of narrative to anyone else about you and give them the cold hard facts as they are about her because fucking hell doesn’t she deserve it. To try and emotionally blackmail you into lending her your life savings for your child from their deceased parent and your husband is nothing short despicable. Especially when she’s behaved so untrustworthily and frivolously as she did before. That is an enormous amount of money that you could have lost.

As kind as you were OP don’t ever lend anyone that money again that belongs to you and not anyone else. Protect your daughter’s future and your own. No friend alive is worth jeopardising that for and no real friend would ask regardless of how “good” they are for it.

That's her problem.

Just reply telling her you didn't intend it to be awkward, you just don't want to lend money as you find it too stressful.

You could always say the money is tied up in investments at the moment so not accessible.

Sounds like there is more going on than you know about. You’re right to not lend it to her.

Do not lend her or anyone any money ever again. Anyone asking you for money is not a friend.

That's good that your friend is now feeling awkward. She may think twice before asking anyone else for a loan and may even consider sorting out her overspending. Hope so.

Your response was perfect. Now block her on everything and forget about her. She is not your friend. You deserve better.

Your reply should be ' no - thank you for making this awkward ' and then block. But I am petty 😆

Perfect reply!

Fucking hell. She's like that fish from Finding Dory.

Do not give her the money under any circumstances. You’ll never get it back this time. Simply tell her that money has been invested and you can’t access it right now or make up something like you’re helping a family member out or using it to replace the insulation/boiler/house repairs or something so you don’t have the money to give her. In fact you could just say you don’t have the money to hand at the moment and leave it there. You don’t need an excuse. She will have to sort herself out. She’s using you!
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Edit - Ignore my post. I see you have already replied to her and read her the riot act. Good on you! That will teach me to read the full thread first.

She’s the one who made it awkward! I would never ask a friend for a loan, let alone then take a luxury holiday!!

As you’re new to the forums:

• she’s a CF
• No is a complete sentence
• fooled me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

You could reply

”that was your own doing”

Wow @Goldilock1234 she really doesn’t seem able to read the room if she thinks you made her feel awkward? What about how you felt when she even asked? Cheeky cow! Shown her true colours now the Bank of OP is closed!

OP, no is a complete sentence. Send back a text just stating the word "No". Reply to any pitiful begging texts "No" or don't reply at all.

No, don't lie to her. Tell her she mugged you off the first time and you would be daft enough to lend her four quid let alone four grand.

She can go to the bank if she needs a loan. If she has the means to pay it back next month she can prove that too them and they'll have no problem issuing it 🤷🏻‍♂️

Do not give her the money

I am inclined to think, don't reply at all

Read the OP's posts. She's dealt with it. Amd very well.

My apologies I cross posted . Well done @Goldilock1234 , that's a brilliant response

You did the right thing op. Not sure how long she had your money but that's a lot of months you lost interest etc. No way you would want to lose more interest by giving money back to her again. Also, even if she gives the next lend back eventually, she will ask again to borrow again and it will never stop. So good that you put a stop to it once and for all.

Please follow this up with just a “ditto” and leave it there. What a cheeky sod!