Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Send this ⬆️

Say no, thst you have tied it up in savings, so not available and to avoid any issues in the future you've decided to never lend money again, to anyone

Nope. She can piss off!

Never lend money to anyone, OP. You can give it as a present to someone if you're feeling generous, but dont lend it - you may never get it back.

Do not lend to this 'friend'. She's not your friend.

If u can't afford to lose £4k, don't lend.

Just tell her it's tied up in investments and you can't access it.

She can ask someone else for help. Tough.

If she can afford to go on luxury holidays, she can afford to bail herself out.

She's the type to look out for herself and she'd never look out for you.

If you really must lend to her, make her sign a contract stating amount borrowed how much monthly payments are and date when it is to be all paid back. If she defaults, additional interest to be paid at x% per annum. Then if she still doesnt payback, you will have proof of non payment and a contract and you can sue her. If she owns her house, I'd put a charge against her house, plus interest.

But best to avoid all that hassle and don't lend in the first place.

Answer her this:

You feel really awkward — that’s rich.
You treat me like a bank and you feel really awkward???
If borrowing money from a friend was an Olympic sport, you’d win the gold medal.
The question is, am I a friend - or am I your bank?
Because no friend borrows $6000, hides what they do with it and then has to be hunted down for repayment.
And THEN has the absolute GALL to ask for $4000 more.
STOP BOTHERING ME.

Ditto
I'm so glad that you have some back up money to make your life a little easier. U truly deserve it OP

It's pounds, not dollars. It's tempting to send a high on the horse message (and OP would not be blamed for doing so in the circumstances) but I think a dignified silence (ie, no reply) speaks more volumes and will let the friend know she has nothing to hang her hat on to wheedle her way back in

Tell her it's locked up in savings now as you want to keep it for the long term / for your daughter. Also, this is what you should do!

Haven’t RTWT but this screams addiction to me- gambling, cocaine would be my top guesses. Of course don’t lend her the money, and do not consider her a friend anymore. It seems her spending/ addiction comes above genuine relationships in her list of priorities.

Cheeky moo

Well, if she didn't want things to feel awkward, she should have paid you back promptly the first time. That's on her.

You know she's taking the piss don't you OPV?
Stay strong.Just say the money is already allocated and tied up for something else.
Keep saying that over and over again.

I think "never a lender or borrower be" is a useful proverb to keep in mind. Much better to give money and hope the person pays it forward (if for a worthy cause), but even then people very quickly feel entitled and resent the power dynamic of having received or having become indebted to someone who was previously an equal.

In these sorts of situations, rather than lending money, it's far better to sit down with the person and help them formulate a plan to get themselves out of trouble rather than lend them money. Sadly your friend has shown themselves to be part of the entitled and resentful camp and that has permanently destroyed the nature of your relationship with them.

I'd definitely either cool my friendship with them (subject to them coming back with a grovelling apology and never acting like this again) or cut ties altogether. They now clearly see you as a cash cow and have no respect for you

Not your fault or your problem xx

Awkward??....

Awkward is having to continuously ask a so called friend that borrowed 6k when they intend to pay it back.

shes done that all by herself!!

block her - she is NO friend!

Absolutely this 👍👍👍👍👍

Tell her you've invested the money in fixed term bonds (1-year, 2-years, 5-years or whatever), so you can't withdraw it without a financial penalty. In fact unless you know you are going to need the money at short notice, the best way to get a good rate of interest and for the money to grow is to put it in an account where there is a notice period for withdrawals or fixed term accounts.

She sounds as if she's not one to take a hint, but it might make her think how lucky she was you didn't charge her interest last time.

I don’t really understand why you’re feeling that you even need to ask this question? It’s a very obvious no, and also what a shame someone you thought was a good friend is so untrustworthy. Well done for getting the £6k back, I highly doubt you would get the £4k back if for some mad reason you did lend it to her.

Don’t doubt yourself after her response. You’re totally justified and don’t need to lend anyone money, if she feels awkward that’s one her as she should have known that would happen and she should still feel awkward about last time.

I wouldn't bother with convoluted stories about investments etc.
Just a plain NO and block on all sm.

What a dozy muppet she is - she’s the one who made it awkward, not you!

Laughing until you cry emojis is the only reply on that one OP - it is difficult to think of her being made to feel awkward by anyone.

It takes 'more front than Blackpool' to get a friend to fund your trip to the Maldives after pleading for help with the mortgage!

Keep the friendship for its entertainment value... but don't let it get into your bank.

She has no shame does she.

This is definitely friendship ending. I would take screenshots of all messages between you as I'm sure she will be spinning her own tale about what happened.

You have absolutely done the right thing. Wishing you and your family a stress free merry christmas

Absolutely not. Unless you want to be blocked from her social media posts about a £4k holiday to Lapland.