Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Please don't loan this leech any more money! Ever.

You know she won't repay it when promised and you will have to hound her for it. You know it will cause you upset and un-necessary stress.

You can either lie, tell her you don't have access to it. Or, tell her the truth. Tell her how she was a lousy friend last time you loaned her money and you won't do it again.

Two points:

1. financial matters are private. why on earth did you share with her how much you inherited? I have a few close friends but none of them know how much I earn, how much I have in savings or how much I may or may not inherit. Please learn not to share this info with anyone else, it is absolutely none of their business and also opens you up to abuse.

2. this woman is NOT your friend. I'm sorry for you losing someone you previously liked and trusted but at least you no longer have the wool over your eyes.

Don't lend any more money. She seems to be treating it like her money, but it isn't. It's yours. She isn't managing her finances if she has overspent by so much and is also spending on luxuries. This money will make a big difference to you, so don't put it at risk. If you want to avoid an outright 'No', could you say its not accessible at the moment?

Echoing PP, no need to feel bad or upset with her for asking, just say no explaining that it’s not accessible, invested, locked savings account etc.

If it is easily accessible and not earning you any interest you should have a rethink about that as well. Putting it in premium bonds would be better than nothing and would still be easily accessible if you did need it etc.

Some people wouldn’t dream of asking to borrow money and others wouldn’t hesitate, thinking it’s up to you to say no.

Dont overthink it!

And she caused the awkwardness, not you.

Block her she's a cheeky bitch

Eeeeeee horrible manipulative bitch she is! Block Block Block don't ever let her into your life again don't waste your breath on speaking to her

If the “friend” was in any way decent, we wouldn’t be having this conversation because @Goldilock1234 would not have found it necessary to make this thread.
My apologies for mistaking a dollar sign for a pound sign.

Sorry, it was not my intention to make you feel bad for saying dollars and I apologise if I did. I was just correcting it to pounds for accuracy.

Just say it's out of reach. No need to give details but if pressed just say fixed term deposit no access
End of

She is using you unfortunately. Do not give her anymore money, even if she promises to pay it back. I would lend my friend £100, but 4k!? That's ridiculous. Don't let her make you feel guilty.

She's a fucking prick isn't she.

I wouldn't even engage in the conversation. You've told her you won't be doing it again and there is no need to feel any angst about it or explain yourself.

Reading your update..I'd block her ...she a user not a friend.

Just tell her you e put it all in to a pension or is a where you can’t access it.

I'm impressed at how you handled it. Good on you for sticking to your boundaries and not being pushed around by this 'friend'

Fabulous! Somehow you are in the wrong, despite what she put you through. No good deed goes unpunished.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO………….
Actually just do it once, and I’d be honest
‘I helped you last time, and you didn't repay the money as promised and it took an awful lot out of me to get you to honour our agreement. I resolved then that lending money to friends particularly any sum over £50 is asking for trouble. I’d rather be honest with you than make up some excuse. I wont be able to loan you the money you have requested’.

She should feel fucking awkward.

She knew exactly what she was doing and how you felt about it. Hence the blocking of you from all from her posts about her extravagant spending while she still owed you money the last time in spite of repeatedly promising to pay you back.

Fuck her. She's not your friend. This just confirms it.

Don't be daft. Block the scamming ratbag.

Do not lend her any money. She completely took the piss last time.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty, she's got a bloody cheek asking you for more money to be honest.

Someone who borrows 6k from you, and then goes on luxury holidays and buys a car before paying you back is treating you like an absolute mug. She hs not your friend.

Send her a postcard from Barbados. Well done OP.

Do not backtrack, and do not allow her to be the victim in this. From her message you can see she is a selfish, manipulative, crafty cow.
No apology just all about her.

I would be so annoyed I would be tempted to show her this thread, it may make her think, but I dought it she will just go on to some other poor bugger.

This!

Cheeky fucking cow. She's no friend.

I'd reply saying, "I'm not surprised you feel awkward, asking me for another loan after what happened last time. It's a shame you've got yourself into financial difficulties again, but you reap what you sow."

This.
Fixed Term ISA and you can't access it.
Sorry. Shame.