Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

I realise this is a minority opinion, however —

If you grow another human being inside your body and then push it out into the world then you get to choose the baby's name and also to give them your own surname.

That's non negotiable, the absolute basic respect required for you and what you are doing as a mother.

I wouldn't even have the conversation, except in a 'fancy giving me your name ideas in case I happen to like any of them' way.

I will never understand why so many women give away their power or put up with any of the absolute shite they do.

All your names of of a certain type so I don't blame him for disliking them all. He does need to bring alternatives to the table though.

The names are all in one style indeed.
In the same time, if he wants a say, he should actually say something, give some examples of names he likes, so you can both start looking for some names in the intersection of your preferences.

I would just select some random name you don't actively hate and say 'right, this is her name, if you don't like it it's up to you to come up with something better.' Which will either force him to make an actual suggestion or end the discussion entirely.

I agree with him, the names are not great.

If you do, think of the teachers etc. that will have several Ophelia's in the same class or Margot's or whatever.

What suggestions has your DH put forwards so that we can gauge where he is on this vs where you are.

He sounds like a pig being so rude to his heavily pregnant wife TBH.

Orphelia sounds very pretentious

I love Ottile. Could be shortened to lily or tilly, or gorgeous as a full name. Just say unless he comes up with a name this is it.

Book of names is good idea. You can dig gently to see if your approach to names and what they represent to you is different from his. For example, we decided we both wanted names for our girls that would work if they became senior in their professions e.g, senior judge or surgeon or if they ended up as musicians or hairdressers. This meant pretty classic non flowery names - maybe a little bit commonplace but ‘take you anywhere names.

I got pregnant because I wanted to, not because I was doing a favour for DH which meant he got no say in his own children’s names.

I’d never want to give my children a name DH disliked so much.

The name Octavia has been around a long time before the car. I’m 35 and have a childhood friend called Octavia. I’ve always liked the name and didn’t even realise there was a car with that name until I suggested the name to DH!

I don't hate your choice of names Op
Whilst I probably wouldn't choose them myself they are not awful
What choice of names does your partner like?
You are going to have to reach a compromise somewhere.

Get a list of top 10 and he does his, then come together for a discussion.

She hasnt heard of manners or polite consideration of other peoples feelings, so I doubt she has heard of Shakespeare.

You clearly have a gift for choosing awful names from a certain ‘bracket’ but I agree it’s unfair of him to dismiss your suggestions without coming up with alternatives

I like those names op and think posters have been very rude on this thread.

Your dh is being a complete dick.

I'd ask him to come up with a suggestion and then, regardless of whether you like it or not, roll your eyes and say 'as if we're going to call our baby that' 🙄

I think go with a name you love unless he comes up with a better suggestion 🤷‍♀️

And yet you have managed to dumb it down by adding an r.

with names, both parents get infinite vetos. You are both going to need to work on lists. Maybe try name generators for suggestions.

Maybe stop spending hours researching names online and step away from the baby books.

Take him a list of names which transcend class and trends such as Anna, Isobel, Laura, Kate and Jessica. I would put money on him liking more traditional ‘boring’ names.

Once you’ve found some names he likes, you can got back to researching variants or similar names closer to your style that he might be amenable to.

😭😭😭

The name you like are all absolutely beautiful, if your DH has no better ideas, he should leave it to you!

Kinder app might be useful. It’s like tinder but for baby names. You like the names you like (you can add ones you like if they aren’t in the app) he likes the names he likes and see what matches you get. Hopefully you’ll find one you match on!

A work colleague of mine has just gone on mat leave, she's having a girl and is naming her Ophelia. I think Ophelia and Octavia are very pretty, feminine names.

My partner (at the time) didn't like my name choice for our Son. He quickly changed his mind when he heard that a famous boxer had given his newborn Son the same name... Fast forward 25 years, ex partner sees said Son (his only child) twice per year (birthday & Christmas) so I'm glad I stuck to my guns and gave my Son the name that I wanted and still love to this day.

Your choices are really poncy and class specific.
What names does he like? Maybe look at those and choose one that doesn't make anyone's blood boil?