Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

There are at least 8 million Octavia cars that have been manufactured. Octavias will be sitting on many people’s driveways. That’s why many people will think of the car - it literally says Octavia on it - I followed a nice blue VRS one today.

It is also a girl’s name. Not sure there’s been 8 million Octavia girls since the 70s but it does seem to be more popular.

You seem to favour old-fashioned names. Which is fine but it is not for everyone. I suggest you both come up with a list and see if you can find a happy balance.

Hope your husband puts in some effort here and you are both in agreement soon. In the meantime, how about Serena, Seraphina, Phoebe, Beatrix, Sabrina? Elodie or Alyssa?

A decade out of date but still fascinating:

https://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/gallery/2013/feb/11/whats-in-a-name

Can’t imagine the Guardian doing this now.

Love this! Shows girls names are a lot more in and out of fashion than boys.

Agreed, I work in a state secondary and plenty of kids called Dorothy, Florence, Martha etc. Even kids with more unusual trendy names eg Starr, Pixie etc don't get made fun of for it.

No, just that a child with this name is likely to be miserable if she wants to become a beauty therapist or a car mechanic.

Which is a really odd take.

That's fascinating!

So you call your son James if you want the most timeless name, or David if you want him to fit in equally well on the board of a FTSE100 company, in medical school, on the football pitch or in prison. (Perhaps not anymore though, it's quite underused now.)

If I had a quid for everyone who has suggested they "both come up with a list" (when the OP's complaint is her husband's refusal to suggest any names he likes) my family could have a completely OTT Christmas this year.

If you gave him a print out of top 100/200 baby names would he refuse to tick any off he liked?

Well I like your names @Plum02 and I think your DH is behaving like a knob. Let him suggest something instead of being an armchair critic.

Sorry, but who wants to be named for a fruit?

@MissScarletInTheBallroom Where did I say she'd be "miserable"? You're just making things up now. Maybe you're the odd one.

You keep banging on about people with these names sticking out like a sore thumb in the sort of "working class" environments you seem to see as morally superior.

Well they're clearly not morally superior environments if they're stuffed full of people who will take the piss out of someone for being called Ophelia.

Is it any worse than being named for any other type of plant?

No! Not keen on those names either. But each to her own

@MissScarletInTheBallroom Again, never said working class environment are "morally superior". You really are making things up now. I said I wouldn't want a name that pigeonholes my child as being from a specific class or demographic because that child might not always want to stay in that environment. It works the other way round too, I wouldn't call my child Jaxon either.

Clementines the fruit were actually named after Pope Clement, and Clementine is the feminine version so the name came before the fruit.

Either way, I think it's a beautiful name.

Right but you're not the parent of the OP's baby.

One person's "classless" is another person's bland and boring.

You don't really know whether the names the OP likes are going to pigeonhole her baby or not in any case, because it's only with the benefit of hindsight that we can see what the naming trends were at the time our children were born.

There's no point banging on about how someone should call their child Anna or Emma because it's timeless and international and won't pigeonhole their child, if that person doesn't like those names. And it would be ridiculous if everyone called their child Anna or Emma, so as much as you might think these are the best names, presumably you acknowledge that there does need to be a certain amount of variety in what people call their children.

I doubt whether Lily, Ivy, Rose, Holly, Hazel, Heather, Daphne, Iris, Jasmine, Daisy, Rowan, Poppy and Violet are giving it that much thought.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom No but the Op made a thread about it on a public forum so I gave my opinion, just like hundreds of others. I didn't say she had to call her child Anna or Emma, those were just a couple of examples. Her husband hates all her ideas, which are all the same type of name - Insta mum/luvvie/(wannabe) middle class. I've suggested some names that in my opinion are more neutral and universal, that might be a good compromise.She doesn't have to take me up on those suggestions 🤷‍♀️ Honestly, you're far too invested in what I've said, I'm just a random person on the internet giving my two pennies' worth

But OP wasn't asking for posters' opinions on the names she has chosen. She was asking whether she was being unreasonable to be pissed off with her DH for dismissing all the names she has suggested without coming up with any suggestions of his own.

People have been really rude about the names, which is unnecessary.

You don't know what might be a good compromise, because her husband hasn't suggested any names.

He might want to name his daughter Chardonnay, and not like your "compromise" names any more than the OP does.

You seem to be missing the fact that the OP wasn't asking for opinions about the names, but about the fact that her husband is dismissing all her suggestions without making any himself.

As her DH hasn't come up with any names that he likes, I'm not sure how OP is being unreasonable. OP would like a grown up discussion but if her DH doesn't even have a shortlist of names, how will that happen?

Exactly.

The suggestions of them each coming up with a shortlist have been ignored because the OP's AIBU is that her husband is vetoing all the names on her shortlist whilst refusing to come up with a shortlist of his own.