Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

You seem very small minded. Why would anyone care about someone "raising an eyebrow" at their child's name. It isnt the 1950s.

Anyway it's on her husband to suggest some names she might like now!

@IamnotwhouthinkIam

You could try spelling it Ottillia

Not quite the same sound but very close, and the Germanic 'e' at the end of words doesn't really exist as a sound in English.

The children of middle class, professional parents generally tend to grow up and have middle class, professional jobs. She’ll go to a girls’ grammar or private school in a middle class area. It’s possible she’ll decide to become a beautician or mechanic but unlikely enough that I’ll take my chances when choosing a name.

I work with children in a not posh area, we have Margot’s, it’s not posh. We have all the flowery pretty names. No Octavia’s though. The “cool kids” are called things like Jane and George. Interesting!
Anyway…your OH is being unreasonable and rude to you imo
Wonder what names he actually likes?

Hey, at least we don't say Penneh-lop or Ermy-own like the French.

Mine was the same, had no suggestions but hated all of mine. In the end I said he could say no but had to at least sleep on it and give a suggestion of his own! People replying on this thread clearly have no idea of current naming trends when they’re suggesting names like Hannah & Sarah as timeless classics, to me they are a bit dated now and scream 80s/90s. Margot/Ophelia/Ottilie have become quite popular so definitely wouldn’t be bullied! I love all your names but sadly my partner would have vetoed them all too.

If he doesn't like them, he doesn't like them. It's not a crime.

Then he needs to come up with some alternative suggestions.

I disagree. I didn't think Shakespeare won names are mainstream and not associated with a character the first thing that comes to mind when someone say Juliet is Romeo and Juliet and likewise Ophelia makes me think of Hamlet and The painting of Ophelia floating in the water. I don't automatically thing if Harry Potter when I think of Hermione any more than I do when I hear the bake Harry.
What I think I'm trying to say is that people will have.different associations with names

Ultimately I think your husband needs to make some name suggestions. And hopefully then you can meet somewhere in the middle.

My kids left primary school over ten years ago, and because of this thread I’ve suddenly become really curious to know what the popular names are now (I don’t know any of the mums so will probably never know). It was all Mia’s, Evie’s and Freya’s back then.

@Plum02 Ok, you've lost me there. You've already decided your daughter's life path and she's not even born yet.
How do you know what she'll be like? She might not be academic and might not get into a grammar school. She might hate the private school.
Various people I know from middle class homes haven't gone into typical middle class jobs.
I think your name choices are the least of your problems tbh.

@blushroses6 Sarah and Hannah are biblical names, they weren't invented in the 80s and 90s.

Ok so ONS data from 2022 which is the latest published.

Penelope is no 32
Margot 59
Ophelia 81
Ottilie 83

Hannah and Lucy are 90 and 98
No Rebecca, Sarah, Rachel or Jane in top 100

Anyway I must seem very overinvested now! I am currently looking for baby names of my own and I love a bit of data.

Nobody should be made to feel ostracised because of their damn given name!

It’s not a “you” problem if people have an issue with your name!

Ah yes as opposed to these silly modern names like Penelope 🤔

And Octavia, of course. The feminine version of Octavius, the founder of the Roman Empire. So modern.

Never said these names were modern though?

I’d ask him to come up with 10 that he likes, and you’ll be able to gauge the types of names that he likes and hopefully then find some that you both like.

If he doesn’t come up with any, he loses his veto rights!

I like the names you’ve chosen, not that that’s the point. I named my twins 20 months ago and remember the pain of finding some we both liked!

A couple of ideas, hopefully along a similar vibe but you never know what he/you may end up liking. Mabel, Thea, Ada, Eloise, Elodie, Felicity, Elspeth, Violet.

I honestly think some people just see "Sebastian" and "Ophelia" and have a knee-jerk reaction which stops them taking in any other information.

I don't really like those names either, but it's completely beside the point.

I also think, as well as people not being aware of modern naming trends, they're forgetting how names mix and blend together in a classroom, and indeed in life. If I say "Ophelia, Clementine and Penelope" it might conjure up quite a concentrated image of a posh trio. But if I call the Year 2 register "Aisha, Betsy, Clementine, Darcey, Elena, Funmi, Grace, Harriet, Irina, Jaydyn, Kitty, Mei-Ling, Nina, Ophelia, Penelope, Quinn, Rosie, Saoirse, Tallulah, Udaya, Verity, Wynter-Rose, Zoe" - do they really stand out? Will it matter? And if I'm at work and I have to email Ophelia, Dave and Ahmed every time I want a report, am I really going to be thinking for long about the picture their names paint, or am I going to be thinking about my report and which of them is likely to get it to me faster (based on past performance)? A name is one small piece of information that gives a picture of a person, soon overshadowed by reality - and then reality influences the impression of the name... e.g. every time I see Ophelia I will think of the kind of colleague that replies to emails in a very perky way with lots of emojis, or of the shy little girl in Y2 who sticks to Aisha and Darcey like glue.

I'm afraid you do the pj wearing school runners all go for names like that in my area.

Why the fuck couldn't a beautician be called Ophelia or Octavia? Mad!

but we chose a name that is international, class-neutral and timeless

In your opinion.

A lot of factors decide if a name is classic or boring, rich or poor …. Even a few miles makes a difference and culture is so pin pointed to areas.

Oooh you haven’t taken his surname - then tell him if he won’t constructively contribute to naming his child with you, the woman growing his child then baby will have your name. I don’t have my husbands surname, I gave babies his surname with the understanding that we agreed on first names I loved or I would not be sacrificing my last name, end of story. In your case I’d start suggesting names as Margot <mysurname>. Beatrice <mysurname> and see his face, say coolly that he wasn’t contributing and was actually being a dick about it so why shouldn’t baby have my name?

no idea what happened to my English then but I’m sure you get the gist. I like your names :)

if you think Octavia is named after a car that says all you need! It’s a beautiful name.