To resent having to make a big deal out of in laws birthdays

[beedsy]

Because I think birthdays are for children and adults should only really celebrate big milestone birthdays.

But MIL forces all these birthday celebrations on us. Every year. Yet we never force our own birthdays on her or the rest of the family.

I resent having to make a big deal out to FIL birthday when I haven't forced him to make a big deal out of mine. It's the same months so always especially annoying.

I don't want to put people out and wouldn't expect them to celebrate me. But I always have to celebrate them and any time I have not been able to, it's been a big deal and I've been resented for it. Can't people just invite other birthday loving people, rather than expect people who don't make a big deal out of their own birthday - to make a big deal out of others ? Wouldn't that make more sense ? Leave us party poopers alone.

See I wouldn't mind someone saying something like "it's my birthday on the 11th and a bunch of us are eating at _ at 7pm if you're free", good for you celebrating and I'll be there if it's feasible. I would resent the expectation that I make myself available every single year or get a hissy fit.

YANBU to resent hissy fits over the issue.

YABU to pass judgement on how other people to choose to celebrate their birthdays. If people wish to celebrate their birthdays as adults, that is their choice, and should be respected like any personal choice. (Just as people should respect my own strong wish never to be reminded of my birthday.)

Whereas I would like the whole concept of milestone birthdays to be abolished, but don't feel that way about adult birthdays in genera!!

I agree that people should not make a fuss if someone can't come to their party, whatever the occasion. People can have all kinds of reasons - health, prior commitments, childcare, etc, - and it's hurtful not to accept them. But are you certain that you haven't conveyed to them your disdain at adult birthdays? That would be a more understandable reason for them to be offended. If not, then they're being a bit U to kick off.