To resent having to make a big deal out of in laws birthdays

[beedsy]

Because I think birthdays are for children and adults should only really celebrate big milestone birthdays.

But MIL forces all these birthday celebrations on us. Every year. Yet we never force our own birthdays on her or the rest of the family.

I resent having to make a big deal out to FIL birthday when I haven't forced him to make a big deal out of mine. It's the same months so always especially annoying.

I don't want to put people out and wouldn't expect them to celebrate me. But I always have to celebrate them and any time I have not been able to, it's been a big deal and I've been resented for it. Can't people just invite other birthday loving people, rather than expect people who don't make a big deal out of their own birthday - to make a big deal out of others ? Wouldn't that make more sense ? Leave us party poopers alone.

But we get together enough as it is and I don't particularly enjoy it. Relations aren't the best.

You’re forcing them to attend an event and they also need to bring something to it

Dont you throw parties for your kids then if you’re against this?

What do they do that gets your goat every year? Or is it just because they celebrate their birthday?

If its just a meal out/party youre just being very miserable. I could see why they would be miffed if you were invited and you patronise them with. Im an adult and dont celebrate birthdays.
God forbid an adult has a bit of fun one day a year.

Or is it lavish gifts/weekends away you are supposed to cough up for?

Why can't you Put yourself out to have a bit of fun with people ... suggests you don't like them

Would it be any better if they didn't celebrate birthdays but just did random parties instead ?

I wouldn't care.

I throw my kids parties every year and my in laws can only ever come at the end, if at all. It wouldn't be a big deal. My kids don't even notice it. They're with their friends having fun. Not thinking about grandma..

Well I think it’s a huge shame as my kids would be gutted if they didn’t see their grandparent son their birthday.

Why are you forcing their birthdays on their friends?

And imagine the thread if they didn't invite you?
You sound insufferable.

The parties I throw are for kids and I don't get offended if one of their friends can't make it..

So you’d be fine if your ILs didn’t buy a present for your kid’s birthdays?

So the problem isn't birthdays... it's that you don't like them much and you'd rather do other things.

You can inform.your DP you will conspicuous by your absence and reducing your appearances to family events. You will have to accept backlash at this. That could work in your favour- that they stop inviting you.

So your title has a few extra words in it... Let me see if I can fix it for you "AIBU to resent the in-laws". Do you think it sums your problem up more accurately?

But you are mean spirited, so why do you object to them reaching that conclusion?

So when your eldest child turns 19, no celebration? Honestly? Because it isn't a big birthday?

So you invalidate your ILs wanting a party simply because they’re adults?

Why are they only for children though?

I work hard, do so much for the family, and spending a huge amount of time spinning plates just to get through the week. Damn right I want people to celebrate me on my birthday. I can’t BEAR this “I’m not that important” attitude people take in the name of “I’m not self indulgent” It smacks of low self worth and martyrdom. Almost like personal enjoyment stops when you have kids. Fuck that. Stop being a misery guts and join in the good time. Not everyone has to have your negative attitude, and we all have to grin and bear days with others sometimes (I’m sure your kids birthday parties will bore the pants off many people yet they still show up).

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman with their friends it's reciprocal. No one is forced into it. Kids love birthdays and attend each other's birthdays.

In my case it's not reciprocal, because I never put my in laws out to celebrate my birthday.

Do they throw big parties or do they just want people to go over for their birthdays?

Life is stressful enough, sometimes people need something to look forward to and if that’s their birthday then so be it. Don’t be a party popper. You were raised differently. I’m sure they would gladly make a big deal out of your birthday too if you wanted.

Birthdays are for everyone it's your special day.
Better than Christmas when you supposedly celebrating a babys birthday you never knew.

So what. Thats your choice. It didn’t mean you can just go “Oh I’m not coming to rural life doesn’t work that way

I eloped and no one came to my wedding. I don’t use that as an excuse to not go to other people’s weddings.

@Catza I would resent anyone who got upset if I didn't attend their birthday every year.

News for you OP

Adults can have fun and throw parties without needing any kids to justify it

What is it they expect? A big party? Family meal? I don't think a meal twice a year for mil and fil would bother me and I'm not a big celebratory person!

Oh don't be such a misery guts.

And what is "getting upset "

Them saying "oh that's a shame I'd live if if you could come" is one thing - they are entitled to their own feelings

Throwing a tantrum "you are being horrid if you can't make time for my birthday " is different

But considering you attend other people’s parties, what you’re inadvertently saying is “I go to birthday parties just not YOURS”. Can you see how hurtful that would be to someone who cares about you?

When your DC is 19 will you stop celebrating their birthday?