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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Vile text

488 replies

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:47

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

OP posts:
TitaniasAss · 01/12/2024 10:50

Absolutely tell the school. I'm in a secondary school and this kind of thing happens all the time (so many children have unfettered access to phones). We would want to know about this.

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:51

TitaniasAss · 01/12/2024 10:50

Absolutely tell the school. I'm in a secondary school and this kind of thing happens all the time (so many children have unfettered access to phones). We would want to know about this.

Thanks TitaniasAss

I wasn't sure but I'll mention to school on Monday (it's only primary school! I'm so shocked!)

OP posts:
Smithhy · 01/12/2024 10:51

Your DC has shown good maturity to share these messages with you. I would be blocking this other child from messaging your DC.

I wouldn’t raise it with the school however, it’s your decision to allow a 10yr old a phone. Did the mum respond?

Greenqueen40 · 01/12/2024 10:53

Yes of course mention it to school! God knows what's going on at home if he's sending messages like this!

LimeYellow · 01/12/2024 10:53

Yes I would definitely tell the school.

ThinWomansBrain · 01/12/2024 10:54

What was the Mother's reaction?
School or police.

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:54

Smithhy · 01/12/2024 10:51

Your DC has shown good maturity to share these messages with you. I would be blocking this other child from messaging your DC.

I wouldn’t raise it with the school however, it’s your decision to allow a 10yr old a phone. Did the mum respond?

Thanks

He's in yr 6 and often plays out with friends so he has a phone for safety. The only children he's allowed on WhatsApp are his close friends (of which this boy is one). I honestly thought this boy was lovely and I know the mum quite well. I'm so shocked!!

DCs older brother is 13 and has had a phone since year 6 too, for walking to school. He also has WhatsApp and we've never had any issues!!

OP posts:
JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:56

I haven't heard back from the mum yet. Shes really lovely so I expect the text will be full of profuse apologies ...

OP posts:
bifurCAT · 01/12/2024 10:56

Telling mum is one thing, and kudos to your son for his maturity in both sharing it with you and for allowing it to be sent to the mum, but sharing it with the school is another thing completely.

If you feel it's necessary, I'd ask your son for his 'permission'. He's the one who's going to feel the repercussions at school if word gets around. If he's happy to leave it as it is, I'd leave it too. If you really want to tell the school, ask him, tell him why, and tell him what you hope/think it will achieve.

Switchingitup · 01/12/2024 10:57

Yes mention it to the school - they will be limited with what they can do but this is something that they need to be aware of in case this escalates at school as well as for monitoring the other child, as a message like that would raise questions about their home life.

RedVelvetIcing · 01/12/2024 10:58

My daughter’s school would say what happens outside of school isn’t their responsibility. I was told this when she had problems on the way home from school 🤯.

Ponoka7 · 01/12/2024 10:59

We told my GC's school when some similar happened. They told us to phone SS/childline and possibly the police. The safeguarding school lead was informed.

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 11:02

bifurCAT · 01/12/2024 10:56

Telling mum is one thing, and kudos to your son for his maturity in both sharing it with you and for allowing it to be sent to the mum, but sharing it with the school is another thing completely.

If you feel it's necessary, I'd ask your son for his 'permission'. He's the one who's going to feel the repercussions at school if word gets around. If he's happy to leave it as it is, I'd leave it too. If you really want to tell the school, ask him, tell him why, and tell him what you hope/think it will achieve.

Thanks. We'll give it quite a bit of thought. I don't really know why I should/shouldn't tell school. I suppose I'm a bit worried about how/why/where the heck this boy heard this language and what what was going on at home to lead to him send this text. Also wondering if school might want to do a general phone safety chat with the yr 6 group and what is / is not ok to text? Not sure really!

OP posts:
Nap1983 · 01/12/2024 11:02

Id await the mums response see what she says. Id probably tell her if any more texts or anything being said about your son “telling” and ill show school or police.

Butteredtoast55 · 01/12/2024 11:02

You do need to tell the school, not least because there could be safeguarding implications and certainly it's possible there will be fallout in school. Forewarned is forearmed so the school can handle things from a more informed perspective if they are aware there's been an issue outside of school.

Pancakeflipper · 01/12/2024 11:03

Please inform school. Safeguarding team need to know.
Other children might be getting similar texts. Other stuff might be going on.

Itsallgoingtopot · 01/12/2024 11:07

As a teacher, definitely tell the school.

As an out of school issue they may not act on it but it is always worth them knowing what’s going on so they can keep an extra eye on things.

Pussycat22 · 01/12/2024 11:08

Well, he's learning it from somewhere.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 01/12/2024 11:10

Tell the school and remove WhatsApp. It's not safe

Seashor · 01/12/2024 11:10

We would want to know at school and it would be logged.
I would wait for the response but I would let mum know in no uncertain terms that if their child does it again or if there are any repercussions from their son then you will be taking it further and by that you mean the police.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 01/12/2024 11:11

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 11:02

Thanks. We'll give it quite a bit of thought. I don't really know why I should/shouldn't tell school. I suppose I'm a bit worried about how/why/where the heck this boy heard this language and what what was going on at home to lead to him send this text. Also wondering if school might want to do a general phone safety chat with the yr 6 group and what is / is not ok to text? Not sure really!

The parents should be telling their kids what is and isn't OK to post. Why any child thinks it's OK to send abusive messages to someone else is beyond me.

Comtesse · 01/12/2024 11:11

No 10 year old needs access to Whatsapp, sorry.

InSpainTheRain · 01/12/2024 11:12

Not your original question, but your son can say "My mum checks my phone and found it", so he's not a snitch. I'd also tell the school.

Curtainqueen · 01/12/2024 11:12

Comtesse · 01/12/2024 11:11

No 10 year old needs access to Whatsapp, sorry.

I thought they weren't allowed on WhatsApp until 13 anyway? This is why children need protecting from social media.

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 01/12/2024 11:13

Curtainqueen · 01/12/2024 11:12

I thought they weren't allowed on WhatsApp until 13 anyway? This is why children need protecting from social media.

Edited

Correct