Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

@Givemethereins a number of us have made that point; I agree, just because a message can be communicated via different media, it doesn't mean all those media are exactly the same.

Aside from anything else, if the objective of having a phone is to be able to communicate with parents and just 5 close friends, why not stick with a basic phone and sms? Why allow a platform which the child shouldn't be using at his age, and where videos, GIFS Etc can be sent? It seems the OP has chosen this, with restrictions to just this group of friends, without any awareness about the messaging it sends to her son that she's allowing something which has a minimum age requirements several years older than he is.

The message is, of course, vile. I'd be furious, I'd definitely inform the school and possibly the police. However, it puts the OP in an odd light that she's made this parenting choice completely unnecessarily when an age appropriate form of communication would have enabled her son to do everything he needs to do

Perhaps all of you that are determine to discuss the rights and wrongs of children having phones make your own thread to discuss it.

As it stands the OP has on many answer given their reason as to why her DS has a phone.

The only issue that is important issue on this thread is the vile text and what to do. And again the OP has stated what she has done with the advice she has been given. And has spoken to both the parent (who she know well) and the school.

Some might say both the weapon and the ammunition are valid topics. As this a public discussion forum, both can be discussed.

I don't see the need for some of the holier than thou comments about kids and smart phones.

I'm in the camp of not giving them, both my teens have a Nokia brick that does texts/calls so they can contact me in an emergency, and I'm making noises about maybe getting DD a smartphone when she starts college next September, but my disabled/autistic 18yo still doesn't have one, and wont, because he's always either with family or his teachers.

They both have access to internet at home on tablets/computers which i can monitor, but aren't allowed Instagram, snapchat, WhatsApp or TikTok.

These are choice I've made having seen the damage snapchat/WhatsApp did to my friends kids when they were at primary school, but I'm not going to sit here and judge another parent for making the choices they feel work for them and their kids.

Thank you

Ive seen much worse than that in conversation over gaming and apps like snap chat from 10yr olds. it saddens me as the kids shouldn't be talking like that but parents defend that kind of chat when approached about it.

But none of the comments ARE 'holier than thou', they just point out the obvious cause and effect here. If OP doesn't want to hear it that's her decision.

Some kids have always spread obscene material to other kids, since before they had phones and internet. They're doing it a bit younger now, and more knowledgeably, but nothing much has changed there.
What has changed is that so many parents are able to talk well to their children about it, and that is wonderful.

👍🙏🙂

Not on this scale they haven’t.

I don’t believe for a second that entire days were taken up for senior teachers, on with dealing with smutty magazines or obscene notes 30 years ago. Which is exactly what’s happening for teachers now, with stuff happening on phones outside of school.

As OP herself said in relation to the whatsapp message her son received: 'I've never seen anything like it'.

I think it's wrong to suggest that there is equivalence between what children were exposed to prior to smartphones and now. There's been so much research done on this now too, and it's all really alarming. I would plead with those who argue that 'it's always been this way' and 'we give our child a phone to keep them safe' to read this article. It's just one of many bits of informed and evidence-based pieces out there on this topic. The report published by the children's commissioner that it references is really shocking reading. I completely respect OP's point about parenting choices and everyone doing what they feel best. But I think that as a society we do need to be more aware of what our children are being exposed to, or potentially exposed to, on their smart phones.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jun/02/teacher-smartphone-children-mental-health-internet

Unfortunately we've let the Genie out of the bottle with regards to what DC can access either via their phones or the internet. There are some very clever kids out there who will always be able to access what they shouldn't and share it around.

It's not just the internet, there are some horrifically graphic violent films and programmes on the TV as well.

I really worry about my DGC and their generation, it seems nothing is off limits with what people will produce in the name of entertainment

Absolutely agree. This is 100% a safeguarding issue if a child is being told to kill himself.