Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

Wow. How was it for your son afterwards? We are having various issues but my son is ND and already up against it in school for being weird. Socially, the repercussions are something I'm sure many of us worry about.

Definitely mention it to the school too. Keep everything for evidence.

I'm just going to echo pp and say - you must tell the school. You must inform the DSL.
Your justification of WhatsApp isn't really convincing, he can text others, surely?.. There is a reason for an age limit on these things. We all think that our children will be more responsible! They're not, and they're exposed to a lot of stuff. He's only 10.

Has the mum replied to you? I'd be mortified if my child had sent something like this 😔

Restating, please, please, please send an email to the Headteacher, who is likely the safeguarding lead, of your school now

Do you not think the head teacher is entitled to have a Sunday off work??

This absolutely! I always tell my DD to blame me for everything she feels uncomfortable with. She doesn’t want to go somewhere? My mum said no. The teacher found out about something (such as this scenario) my mum checks my phone. She knows I don’t care if her friends like me I’m always happy to be the bad guy and it saves face for her to blame me and call me whatever to her social circle.

Good parenting 👍

This happened to my SD.

It was my DD that sent her the text.

Except that it wasn't.

DD was at a friend's house, and the friend had some lad friends there who got hold of DD's phone and sent the text deliberately to cause trouble.

Please check in with the Mum to get the full story and what she's done about it.

@JustWondering222

Absolutely inform the school for the reasons explained above.

And while your parenting choices are yours, I think you're being very naive to think WhatsApp is just the same as sending a text message. There are different features and apart from anything else, the fact there's a minimum age means teenagers some years older than your child are far more likely to be using it.

I’d be letting the police know.

School 100% as this child has learnt this somewhere and might be at home and there might be safeguarding issues with the other child.

I teach in primary.

Head won't have to respond this weekend, but it will be on their radar first thing Monday morning. As it needs to be.

Heads' inboxes generally have automated responses talking about response timelines, but will be monitored for safeguarding concerns, not just by the had by by their PAs, etc.

You can't control when people send emails, and you shouldn't because everyone has their own lives and schedules, but you CAN control when you read and respond to them.

I would let the school know. It might not be the first time somethings happened with this child and they may need to inform other agencies.

100% mention it to school, apart from anything else (safeguarding etc as others have said), your son is likely to feel quite sensitive tomorrow so they need to keep an eye on the situation.

Make sure you tell him to hold his head up high in this situation, he absolutely did the right thing in telling you but as others have said if he’d prefer to blame you for checking his friend let his teacher know he would rather this be the narrative.

The swearing would annoy me but the sexual language I would definitely raise with the school.

Please mention it to the school. There could be many other things that this child has done and it could be another piece of the jigsaw. If he’s using foul language he will be hearing it from somewhere and school may already have concerns. I can promise you that they will take you seriously (but may not say much!). Ask for the safeguarding lead.

That is nasty.

I'd be thankful that that isn't the act of me or any of my children

I would email the school headteacher today so it's on the radar first thing in the morning. But I would send the email before the mum replies because I wouldn't want to be discouraged from doing so in an apologetic text. You have to protect your child and you have a duty to report safeguarding concerns for the other child.

It’s literally just messaging. The OP has limited that to just friends.

It’s not social media. It’s a messaging app. Same as text messages - just sometimes cheaper.

Teacher here (obv).

I can tell you that this sort of incident happens every single year without fail in probably every Y6 class up and down the country.

The staff can teach eSafety lessons until they're blue in the face, telling kids that this is unacceptable, blah blah blah and the kids instantly forget everything they know when at home on apps like WhatsApp, TikTok, etc. It's such a grey area as schools have absolutely no power in removing devices or access at home. That's 100% on the parents. School should be aware of it though.

And it IS different from writing something horrible on paper. Namely as it can be shared numerous times and never reliably deleted.

Be prepared for the mother to deny her child had any part in it - the amount of times parents have insisted their kids don't even KNOW those horrible words even when presented with a screenshot is mind-boggling...

This has reminded me of a tragedy I read about. A teenage girl was told to kill herself by bullies in school. She did.

The message would have been sent by text if there was no WhatsApp. It’s not social media in the sense you mean. It’s no different from traditional messaging (which can be done on a ‘dumb’ phone too).

How do you know someone else hasn't got the phone and don't it. Dosent mean the actual friend did it.
I'd hope to get some sort of response from the mum and block his number in the meantime.

I am a primary teacher. Absolutely tell school, and ask for a meeting with the safeguarding lead rather than just trying to catch the class teacher. They will want to know and this may add to a pattern of evidence about something going on with that child about which you are not aware. He may be being abused or bullied by older children or exposed to inappropriate things.
I'd also take WhatsApp off your child's phone.

It's good to keep checking his phone too.

When I taught Y6 in London we had an absolutely horrendous outbreak of cyberbullying and had to get the police involved. Not to mention Y6 girls in nightwear Facetiming adult men when their parents assumed they were asleep. Take your child's devices out of their rooms at night!!!