Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

People make mistakes and the boy has a track record of being kind.

Hi sunshine

It's great that you have done your research and made the decision not to give your child a smartphone or at least to be on the side of those that have made that choice (do you have children? What age?)

However, for many people, giving a child a phone is also a very well thought out and researched decision and not something they 'got sucked into' (which implies they've just been a bit silly or foolish and not made the 'right' choice..)

There is no right and wrong. We will all make individual parenting choices depending on our own circumstances and that's ok (back in my day some parents allowed their kids to watch grange hill and read mizz magazine. Others did not allow thier kids such influences! (I was allowed both bytut had friends that weren't allowed either!!) I don't think either was 'right', they just made different decisions and I'm sure intent on both sides was good and well meaning. I'm sure there was judgement from each side, but ultimately it's just different parenting decisions!)

Indeed.

In fact, I seem to remember reading mizz and just17 when I was about 11/12! And looking back I'm a bit 😱 recalling some of the incredibly
inappropriate sexual content. Not sure my mum had a clue what was actually in those magazines!

Def inform the school as he may claim your son has sent him similar text, maybe his older brother has sent it not him?

I turned out relatively ok despite being allowed to watch grange hill and read mizz! So did my friends that weren't allowed those luxuries!!! (despite both sets of parents likely thinking the other's choices would damage their children..)

Yes I do, eldest is the same age as your ds. No doubt if I didn't you would dismiss my opinion. Maybe you will regardless.

I'm sorry but comparing having frequent on-line access with Grange Hill or mizz is just laughable. The internet access is so clearly why this incident has happened. Many teachers have come on to say they deal with it day in day out.

You say you're comfortable with it, so that's great, but then you also claim to be so shocked about it?

I think you handled the situation perfectly. I would have done the same. My boys also have mobile phones for the same reasons your kids do. They work great for us. As you've said everyone parents they way that works for their family.

No I wouldn't dismiss your opinion.

I think it's ok for parents to make the decision about smart phone access themself and to decide what access they give. If you choose not to allow you child a smart phone, that's entirely fine. A very valid opinion. It's also fine for a parent to make a different decision (IMO!)

I guess every family, school and community is different. Different families will make different decisions based on their own circumstances, schools and communities.. I think that's ok. I respect your decision.

I don't think the comparison to grange hill and mizz is that different. Parents over the centuries have made different decisions for their children, each thinking they are right and the alternative decision might harm their children, be a bad influence, lead them down the wrong path. I really don't think this is much different.

In the future it will likely be something else. At present, it's smart phone access... Parents will always be divided on child rearing opinions (when mine were small.it was about crying it out Vs co sleeping or some variation!..)

We r all just trying our best to be the best parents we can be and that will look different for everyone I guess....

Thanks @Cotswoldmama

Definitely tell the school and also child protection in the police. Kids have been horribly affected by that type of communication and that child needs to realise there will be serious consequences.

Definitely tell the school. We were in a simular situation to you when my youngest was in high school but it was on Musically now Tik Tok (videos were being shared and they were aimed at her and some horrible comments). We informed the parents and the school. I hope you get this sorted.

I think you handled it in the optimum way too. One of the key features is that everyone knows for certain what was said and by who. When it comes to resolving these sort of issues this is very important. Much easier to sort out than the he said she said scenario which is what you would be dealing with if you're son had not had the phone.

I would tell the school, just so they can be aware of the situation. Any chance it could be the older brother?

Dammit your not you're!

It matters not!!!! 😂😂

Good point! Thanks!

We had similar happen at our daughter's school in Year 6 in a WhatsApp group lots of the kids in that year we're in including dd's best friend who ended up being bullied via WhatsApp with similar messages. Her parents went straight to the school who took it very seriously and talked to all the kids about phone safety and cyber bullying. They also sent a message out to all parents about it as well.

Schools will support with this.

Absolutely tell the school. Sorry late to the messages before I get gunned down and patronised. They think they're big and clever but once know adults are watching them it's different. Horrible and cowardly bullying. If he gets called a snitch he can just say if I sent that to you would your Mum like it? X

Tell the school, I work in a primary and we’d want to know.

They're not but many primary kids use it, most innocently but some clearly not. X

Sadly so true, parents need to take more control. As per it's the lax ones who allow it and get defensive when approached.

Aren't you keen to talk to the boy's mum to find out what was behind the text? What he's said about it? For instance, was it a copy & paste job? How are his parents handling it going forward? Are they confidant he's learned his lesson and it won't be happening again?

It's weird but we all know that actually there is a big difference between WhatsApp message and a text. An sms is like an official notice , used for more formal information or if between friends then it will be very short and still a bit more straightforward and formal than chatting in WhatsApp.
WhatsApp is where you can let it all hang out. Txt silly jokes or emojis or whatever, scandalous thoughts to your bestie.
It's a very different platform and I imagine, your sons friend would not have been so inclined to send something like in an sms or written down by his own handwriting in a note!??
I think that argument - there is no difference btw whatsapp and sms/ written notes is obviously too flimsy.