Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

This is why 10 year olds shouldn't give their phone numbers to each other. I'm not a huge fan of such young children having phones at all but if you absolutely feel they have to then don't let them message their friends without supervision.

They aren't but they lie.

Thanks!

These one's parents know they are on it though.

This. Tell your son to blame you 100% for any fallout from this hut it has to be reported. I knew of similar and the child who sent the messages was experiencing abuse, which was stopped and the child protected. No fallout occurred, all were grateful.

thanks

100% tell school. If they aren’t aware of dynamics they can’t keep an eye on your son around this child.

I had a similar situation in year 6 with DD OP, and I was gobsmacked. Shes now in year 7 and this kind of texting if rife especially in groups, so I advise you think now about boundaries for secondary school and communicate that to your son

OP, you seem to be avoiding this point so I'll post the terms of use from WhatsApp themselves. 10 years old does not meet the minimum age requirement.

When you join WhatsApp, you must meet the minimum age of use requirements. We encourage you to review these guidelines on how to use WhatsApp responsibly.
You must be at least 13 years old (or such greater age required in your country) to register for and use WhatsApp.

Yup. Their parents lie thinking they know better.

My DD had a phone from year 6, because she started to walk to and from school.

Although WhatsApp is 13+ you’ve got exercise common sense and discretion. You can put a WhatsApp account on another device so you can monitor it even when their phone isn’t even in your hand. You can also see when they’ve read a message. Nothing wrong at all with having WhatsApp, this other child could have sent it just as easily via text message.

As distressing as these things are, they are also sadly part of real life. It doesn’t do well to shield kids from it. Taking it as an opportunity for learning for everyone.

Let school know tomorrow. I'm a primary DSL - this is literally my job for the first hour or so of every Monday (and often other mornings) - sorting out phone issues from the weekend, speaking to children and contacting parents. I used to do things like run intervention groups, support individual children, meet with parents etc but now that time is sorting out issues on WhatsApp, tiktok or Snapchat.

Grown kids here and no intention of derailing the op's post but FFS this is shocking.

Absolutely this.

Definitely tell the school

I'd tell school too. Is there anyway the other boys phone has been hacked or an older sibling has got hold of it or anything?

i don’t want to derail the thread, but I worry that giving a child a smartphone is seen as keeping them safe. They are far, far more likely to have an adverse event online or with social media (inc WhatsApp), than they are in the real world. When they’re playing out, they can access a few streets, maybe a park. When they’re online they can access the whole world- and the whole world can access them. It’s really not the answer to child “safety”.

I would strongly urge people with under 14s to consider “dumb phones” rather than smart phones for their kids.

School, police and social services for me! Absolutely disgusting. Don’t expect the school to do anything which is why I said the police. You can guarantee they are sending this to others and it’s good to have a log of everything. Social services because there’s clearly something off with this child sending the message. I’m so sorry for your son but well done to him for showing you. Makes me so angry and upset that this happens, so many innocent children have taken their own lives after things like this and more action needs to be taken against the children sending these messages

Really pleased your son felt confident enough to share this with you. However other children may not feel that way and a tragedy could result. If you make it clear to the school that they need to be careful about how they know about this issue then you definitely should go ahead and tell them. Ok

Please forward the message, in full, to the school, and ask that his class teacher, HoY and any pastoral staff are made aware of its contents and its perpetrator. Your son needs to be protected and this child needs to be taught not to bully before hitting their teens.

I agree with this. My DC had £10 Nokia burner phones until they were teens.

Just to reply to those who are not happy about my son's use of what's app.. (sorry I wasn't meaning to ignore you)

I fully understand those who don't agree with WhatsApp. For those that judge my parenting decision to allow WhatsApp from yr 6, I understand. You can form whatever opinions about my parenting choices you choose. Every family makes their own tech choices. I have made a different parenting decision to others.

We made the decision as a family to allow whatsapp and monitor very closely and have v good relations with our children and know who they r on WhatsApp with. DC received this message from someone who is meant to be a good friend. He's only allowed in a WhatsApp group with his best friends. We have known this boy for more than 4 years and I know the mum enough to have been out for coffee, for drinks etc.. with her. This boy could just as easily have sent a text or written a note. There isn't really a difference between texting, writing and whatsapping if proper precautions are taken.

My older son is 13 and has had WhatsApp from the same age. No issues. The only issue we ever had with older DC is that a girl who liked him in year 5 was obsessed with sending him love letters (actual letters!) which got a bit aggressive towards the end! If people want to be mean, they will use tech, or old fashioned letters! Or simply just words. I don't think we can blame the technology in this case. And actually, in a weird kind of a way, I'm pleased I've seen the written evidence and have seen a different side to this child. Without this text I might have continued to think this boy was all sweetness and light. Now I am aware he's likely v troubled. I can advise DC to be a bit careful around him and keep me informed how the friendship is going. Maybe if I do mention this to school it will also help with safeguarding and keeping this boy safe. WhatsApp isn't all bad.. It's possible the boy is crying out for help. I don't know.

I would tell the school and also the police and social services, given the sexual nature.

With a smart phone I can track where my DD and can track her communications from my own phone.

And TBH I don’t think it’s healthy to shield them always from adverse events. Adverse events are part of life, they have to deal with them at some point. My DD having similar happen to her in year 6 like the OP’s son was initially awful for her but has given her a new strength and perspective. It’s not a bad thing in the long run

i think tell the school on Monday morning, the text is very disturbing, it may have been from a unsuitable website or person online. the school will have policies in place and information for students about online safety. It could be happening to other children and the school will have a bigger picture.