For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

4 adults should be able to corral a baby.

It does seem safer to just visit them and the baby in their home, however might they like to come as a couple and get a sitter for the baby occasionally?

When friends have children the dynamics change. You are quite within your rights to stop having them over but the friendship will drift

They have a baby now. If you want to stay friends with them you'll have to adapt. Seems reasonable. It's not like they're asking you to join them at baby rhyme time or tumble tots.

How much devastation can an 11 month old really create in your precious home?

You don't sound very welcoming or considerate. I'd be prepared for this friendship to wane if you can't accept the changes that are necessary when children come along. It's fine if friends with children are not for you, but if you still want the friendship you're going to have to make some compromises.

There won't be a huge amount of devastation from the baby, but board games and movies will get more and more difficult, unless you don't mind lots of interruptions.

You'd be surprised how much damage/chaos a baby can create.
It's also not precious to want to keep your home nice.

Surely you could just pick some rooms and move some things out of reach?

If you decide to have children one day, read this post back and give it a rating out of 10 for how much of a nob you sound.

You're probably lovely but like another OP has said, you'll need to adapt if this friendship is to last...

@GlovesScarfAndBoots i don’t really want to childproof my home fpr 2-3 hours.

@GinForBreakfast idk but we have breakable stuff that a baby would find interesting

So you have never had them back to yours since they had the baby?
Surely they can bring a playpen if you cba to clear floor level dangerous objects, but you are a pretty crap friend.

It's completely up to you. You can choose things over people - this is a choice people make, and think is right and good for them. So you will get many people on this thread saying this is fine. And it is fine. So long as you recognise that over time, in small ways, the more often you choose things over people, the fewer people you will have around. If that's what you want, go one way. If you don't want that, go the other.

@inquisitiveinga what if we don’t want children? But ofc people will try on make others feel dumb about that

@Nolegusta really? I'm assuming they're not planning to give the child a line of coke and a flame thrower. She's not even a year old so perfectly able to be contained.

Oh no way. I have 2 (12 and 14) I'd be on edge with a baby / toddler.

I wouldn't want to risk the baby getting injured in some way; you never know what dangers might be lurking in an un-childproofed home. I lost a button battery a couple of weeks ago and still haven't found it; that sort of thing that could kill a small child if eaten.

Don't then, just lose a friend.

@pelargoniums @NotbloodyGivingupYet why? Not everyone want baby or children at their homes or feel comfortable. Also they where very into everyone coming to their house the first months lol

Do you always exaggerate to this ridiculous extent?

Why not say, "We'll come to you while she's at this stage, then when she's old enough to stay safe here, you can come to us."

It makes far more sense for you to go to her anyway - why does she want to be taking the baby home when it's late and cold?

You can do whatever you want.

Your friend can also be upset that you no longer want them to come over since they’ve had a baby however.

So there is a risk it impacts the friendship.

Utter rubbish.

I have a one year old and I always check with my friends before bringing my daughter and take no issue if they’d rather she not visit.

My friend had a bbq in summer and I asked if it would be ok to bring her and she said I could but it was more of an adult event with a silent disco etc so not a lot to entertain her. I took no offence and thanked her for the invite. I chose to have a child, not my friend and yes my life has changed but my daughter is the centre of my universe and not anyone else’s.

If you were my friend I’d say no worries at all. I’d prefer staying at home and not carting everything anywhere anyway. You are allowed to have your own preferences, it shouldn’t be an issue in my opinion.

This.

I don't have a childproof house and wouldn't want the responsibility for a baby's safety.

No need to insult the OP. We all don't want a child-centric lifestyle, and that's not an inferior choice.