For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

The word devastation came from another poster not me. Although losing a finger in a door would be classed as devastating in my opinion. This happened to a child I know.

@5iveleafclovers quoting you directly:

Of course an 11 month old baby can cause 'devastation'

If it's an evening event surely the baby will be asleep? Hence would be simpler to go over to their house.

Otherwise you'll have an over-stimulated toddler to handle.

Or they pay for childcare.

No I get where you’re coming from.

Maybe have them over for a coffee in the daytime for an hour, so they feel reciprocated? It is a bit rubbish always being the one to clean the loo ready for guests.

A baby the same age comes to mine and it’s not too bad. I just have pick up the cat food 😂

You sound nice.

I understand.

We have friends with kids the same age as ours (10 and 8). When we get together, the kids play really well and the adults have dinner and a few drinks. Neither of us has much in the way of childcare so it was a really lovely way of getting a little night out and we take it turn about to host the other.

Then nearly a year ago they had another baby (“happy accident”). He is a lovely little thing but to be honest it has totally changed the dynamic of everything. Now my friend is (naturally) back to talking about feeding, sleep, nappies etc and it’s just not where I’m at just now. The older kids still play well but now our adult chat is dominated, understandably, by the baby.

But. She has been a great friend to me over the years. So I am adapting and I’m engaging and being a person for her because I suspect it’s quite a lonely place to be, with a new baby when all your pals kids are older. But it’s quite boring sometimes, truth be told.

From the OP...I think you are using the term 'friend' loosely.

So they feed you every time? This is probably why they want to come over. Hosting is a lot of work no matter how many snacks you bring as a guest.

Say you will bring the food / buy a takeaway to be delivered to their house.

I think you are being overly precious about how much damage a one year old can do to your home but that is your choice. Make the hosting for them easier.

Yes, here's yours:

How much devastation can an 11 month old really create in your precious home?

Did you mean destruction?

Do you?

This, but also add ‘dinner is on us this time’ and turn up with take out and drinks.

I am childfree, but my friends used to bring their young children and babies over often - and stayed for a long weekend. My house was never baby-proofed, but between 4 of us adults we always kept the kids safe. We had fun, and the parents got a bit of a break. Just relax, OP, and invite them over.

Why do you want to know?

I would not invite anyone with a baby to my flat, unless they agreed to have their eyes on the baby 100% of the time. It would be dangerous otherwise. Although to be honest, the couple of times when a friend has come with her baby, that's what she did.

I think you should invite your friends and let them realise by themselves that your house is no longer suitable for your dinner parties

If you can’t move your breakables and tolerate their baby for a few hours then I wouldn’t say you are really friends at all. If I was said “friend” and read this post I’d tell you where to stuff your game night.

This.

This from me too. My home and garden are definitely not child safe because I do a lot of various crafts and DIY. It would take a MASSIVE effort to child proof it and them a massive effort to get everything out again. I could imagine parents walking in clutching the baby, taking one look and walking straight out again and I wouldn't balme them.

The quote marks around the word devastation should have given you a clue that the poster was quoting someone else. But you also could have gone back and actually read the posts too, before you decided to double down on your incorrect view.

Why not bring dinner for all with you?