For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

So basically what you're saying is childfree people can never complain about pretty much ANYTHING otherwise they're pathetic. Because parents will always have it worse. Whether that's having spare time, sleep, worries etc. I think that's a disgusting point of view personally. I'm glad in the real world my friends with children don't think like that.
I don't have children (not through choice), and sometimes I DON'T have time to do certain things. Sometimes I'm fucking shattered and exhausted and the thought of doing something is too much. I'm allowed to feel and think and say that. Just because a parent might also be fucking exhausted and not have time to do something doesn't mean I'm pathetic for feeling the same just because I've been "lucky" enough to have 3 miscarriages and no children.
As i said, luckily all my friends are normal people. If my friend asks if I've watched a certain show and I say no I haven't had time they don't start ranting that i don't know the meaning of no time and I should have had plenty of time to watch it because I don't have children. If they ask me if i want to go out and I say no sorry I'm shattered they don't take offense and tell me I can't possibly be as tired as them because I don't have children.
So while I may well have more free time than my parent friends, they aren't weirdly angry about it like you are.

So what if a non parent has more free time? Does that mean their parent friends are entitled to demand they use it on rolling the child proofed red carpet out for their offspring simply because they have more free time than parents do? That's beyond entitled, and just stinks of resentment. The vast majority of us chose to have our bairns, knowing that free time would probably be a foreign concept for quite a few years and that our unchilded friends' lives would likely continue as they did before!

As those of us who are parents know, it is actually quite a bit of trouble to think of all potential hazards and make your home totally child safe. And for a child that would only be an occasional visitor, entirely not a reasonable ask.

What a complete and utter crock of shiite.

You had the first 6 months when the baby didn't move at all to have them over. You wouldn't have needed to do a thing to "babyproof" your house -- excuses, excuses. You are not a good friend to them.

oh ok, your cogent argument has convinced me.

You might not like me saying it, but it's correct.

Excellent post Boxoo. I've definitely come across that nasty sneering attitude towards non parents many times on here, but thankfully never in my own life. I'm so sorry about your losses x

Well said, @Boxoo

Childfree people have jobs, eldercare (or in my case sibling with cancer care), volunteering, side gigs (in my case freelance work that takes up several evenings per week plus large share of weekends), health issues, household maintenance & DIY, hobbies like sports clubs that carry an obligation to other people/specific timings, and other family/social obligations to list a few.

We aren't sitting around binging box sets and drinking wine. It's so insulting and mindless to imply that those without kids are self-indulgent, well-rested hedonistic slackers.

@Boxoo Well said.

I have children and if I heard patronising bullshit like that from any friend I would distance myself.

Parents who whine on that they are the only people who have things hard are bores.

Different people have different challenges in their lives, its not a competition.

I am fussy about my home despite having 3 children.
Mine ate at the table only, because I didn't want sticky hands on lovely furniture etc.
So shoot me!

If I wouldn't have my own eating all over the house making a mess, I sure as shit wouldn't have other peoples children.

My niece is very chill, lets her children run riot. Eat everywhere and lets them run around uncorrected. They are actually lovely kids, but not in my house.

She was talking a few years ago of visiting with 3 under 5 for the day and I told my husband knock that on the head after we had seen them in action in his sisters beautiful home🙄 total carnage.

Not in my house. My husband blew them off and his sister quietly said to him, "I can't see Hillary tolerating such a mess" and he said, "exactly!"
No apology, just not happening in MY home.

I think people who do imply this are looking back at their own pre children days with rose tinted glasses and don’t remember that they still did have responsibilities and obligations and irritations, just different ones.

It really isn’t correct. My home and free time are no less important than that of someone with kids. Thankfully my friends realised it didn’t make sense for us to host as they had everything for the kids at their homes and they could be put to bed as normal.