For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

@AloneLike yikes! But same somethimes things fall down the couch where a baby easly could get under and eat or put stuff into its mouth. Baby/toddlers are also very quick

Her female friend dropping in for a coffee with her baby is 1 thing.

Going 2-3 hours eating / gaming / chatting is different.

I think people over egg baby proofing houses. Is it so difficult to move a few bits in one or two rooms? Surely you can do that. Your friend could bring a travel cot with them

What is it with the word dumb horrible word?!? Used more and more on here. Just don’t invite them, tell them why why does it need to be a big deal, surely they have a travel cot with toys and she’ll go to sleep if it’s evening. Otherwise skip it and see how long you remain friends. Not really a big deal is it

Life has changed for your friends - you either adapt or move on…

Good grief. One baby, 4 adults - between you you can make sure she doesn’t choke on a hypothetical penny down the side of the sofa!

@Samatha09

You have said that your friends don't need to cook for you every time - suggesting they do now.

Why not suggest you meet at theirs but you'll bring the take away - let them choose what type they fancy and arrive with it.

After treating them a couple of times to thank them for hosting you then you could settle into turn taking between them providing food and you arriving with take out. Hopefully they then look forward to a treat after tidying up for visitors etc.

@BettyBardMacDonald thanks! I feel its very easy for some parents to judge and insult childfree or non parent friends. For not always acommodate for their childs needs. We dont have child so we don’t know and i could never forgive myself for a baby getting really hurt by stuff here or like said, finding button battery

Why do so many posters post in the style of American chat bots these days?

@Winter2020 forgot we have also brought take away pizza with us to them

Sounds perfectly reasonable to have movie night / games night at their house where they have everything their baby needs. Adult games can happen after baby goes to bed, like plenty of other groups of friends manage to do.
Child free households (and now those with older kids) were the ones who travelled to visit friends with little ones in ours. Child free (baby free) households shouldn't need to change anything for other people's children in their home, it's up to their parents to parent them and make sure they don't break or swallow things or get into danger.

Baby proofing means watching the baby and moving anything she looks like she’s going to grab and break.

There are four of you - it’s really not very hard to keep an eye on a one year old.

Yeah this. It's fine to not invite them over but be prepared that your friendship with them will change. Thats just life- adapting to changes and phases of life.

@LittleBearPad thats litteraly a boring as way to spend time with friends over. A baby would be crawling everywhere and putting stuff in her mouth. Easier at their own home

It makes sense more often than not to go to theirs of course but I think it’s precious and unreasonable to insist that they never bring their baby.

I would be fucked off if I had a small baby and someone adopted this position as a blanket policy.

If you want your friendship to survive you will have to unclench a bit. The baby won’t be small for long and if you suck it up for a bit it will pay dividends for your friendship long term.

if they're visiting for an evening, wouldn't they bring a travel cot & the baby be in it much of the time?
if it is always you visiting them, are they bearing all the cost, or are you contributing equally?

How many button batteries do you have scattered across the floor on a regular basis

@Lemonade2011 most people on here think its a really big deal tho

I mean, in the league of things one might ask of a friend, this ranks pretty low. I suppose it boils down to, what lengths are you prepared to go to for your friends? You won't even inconvenience yourself this much? They're not babies forever, it might only be a handful of visits.

Your choice but you sound selfish and that's not likely to leave you with many friends in the long term.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, your house isn’t child proofed, it makes sense for you to go to them, surely the baby will need to be put to bed if it’s on an evening too? Obviously if they can get a babysitter you’d be happy to host but otherwise either you go to them or meet on neutral ground, a restaurant or whatever.

I completely get your anxiety of having a child toddling around your house, pulling up on vases and potentially damaging your things to hurting herself!

@Nolegusta only in response to hyperbole. I have hosted many babies, and had my own. I've never had a single incident that has damaged or broken a household item.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable and I have three children. I liked people coming over to me as I knew my house was set up for it, also, why would you want to have to watch a child when you’re socialising, that’s not fun. Why is your mate so keen to come to you do you think? Is it so they can leave when they want?

You dont have to invite them over but bear in mind that most people would get a bit fed up of constantly hosting someone else without any return invites.

I wouldnt mind if it was say, 70/30 but if you never, ever invited me over in return I'd get a bit pissed off with constantly having to host. Friendship is about reciprocity so carry on, but dont be surprised if you get less and less invites over time.

@Lincoln24 no need to be insulting, i guess i got lots of police mums in here. And btw got lots of friends that we have over and even 2 of them come over for an adult free time.