To make my son pay

[SirHisss]

For his own coat?

He has lost his at school. The replacement for the one he lost at the beginning of this year.

I can't let him go through the whole winter without a decent coat, so it's not something I can just refuse to replace and let him put up with not having one.

He has been round the whole school/lost property twice and it hasn't turned up so I believe someone has taken it, but it wouldn't have been taken if he hadn't left it at his arse in the first place.

He is always losing things, I feel like banging my head off the wall. I don't know how to get through to him. Jacket, sports equipment, trainers, we are on our third replacement bus pass since term started in September.

He was made to replace the lost sports equipment with his pocket money, and when he loses his bus pass he has to pay his own bus fare whilst we wait on a replacement but it doesn't make a difference.

He is a teenager, tall and broad shouldered so has outgrown kid's sizes - a decent jacket does not come cheap!

He is going to buy an air tag for the next one, which I think is a good idea and he can pay for that himself. It's just so frustrating, I work hard and he has nice, good quality things - this wasn't a flimsy cagoule from Primark and it'll be a significant chunk of my budget to replace it. But clothing him is my responsibility and it feels mean to get him to pay for something essential.

Dont allow it to be “a significant chunk of your budget to replace it.” Buy him a cheap one from a charity shop or primark, and if he wants a better, branded one he can pay himself.

Yep Vinted. Everyone looses things and it is frustrating but it's a first world problem not worth falling out about.

It sounds like he's trying to solve the problem with the airtag suggestion. I think I'd be inclined to pay for the replacement.

I meant for the name label they first suggested. The secret name label is pointless a lost coat needs to be easily identified by the finder to return it and a secret label will be no use

I used to make my DSs pay for things by earning them with chores. They lost so much that I never had to iron a school shirt after Y7 amongst other things.

I would agree that losing things is a very common inattentive adhd trait. DS2 was diagnosed as an adult and it explained so, so much. If this is a possibility, making him pay seems mean as he can't help it but paying in "chores" would get round this.

To be honest OP I think your attitude in your replies stinks. People have offered reasonable advice and asked reasonable questions and you're sniping back at them.

The point of the secret label is that the visible one can easily be removed. If you include a hidden label as well you can identify a stolen coat.

Does he mind second hand stuff!

I would go for Vinted. My son is also always losing stuff so for school it's a Primark mens puffa jacket because they are cheap to replace. At home he wears gilets (autistic, doesn't like sleeves on coats but can't really have them to school as the uniform code is strict). I don't mind spending money on decent brands for those.

On Vinted you can get some absolute bargains in decent brands, think Nike for example. That's what I'd do. Air tag is a great idea going forward.

@theywill I have 2 kids in secondary so yes I do have experience. It was only last month my DD lost her school shoes after a pe club, I rushed out to buy new shoes for the next day but rang the office to check lost property. The pe teacher took time out of their morning to email me to let me know she had sent an email to other teachers in that department and double checked with the office again. My DD went back to lost property when the office staff emailed the pe teacher to say a pair of shoes had been handed in and my DD picked them out as hers…… so yes a teacher got involved to help. Infact 3 staff members contributed to the return of the shoes. Might not always be the case but your wrong to suggest a teacher wont help

I didn't get a choice over weather I "minded" second hand as it was all my mum could afford. I second everyone else who has said Vinted as there are some absolute bargains to be had and often the stuff doesn't even look worn.

Get him into the charity shop habit. Or EBay/vinted. We’ve had some great finds.

When my son lost his entire sports kit I off to go to the school and help him look for it.
He soon found it….

Personally I wouldn’t make him pay. I went through this with my son at primary and secondary school, football games, mates houses. No mater what we tried he continued to lose/forget things. Don’t think he ever managed to go into class with a pen despite
me going through a ton of them.
Recently diagnosed with ADHD so it all makes a bit more sense. Not saying that’s the same for your Son, but it doesn’t sound like he is doing it on purpose, he literally just forgets!

Teenage boys grow out of this.a lot of stuff is stolen at secondary school, calculator, pencil case, PE kit, jumpers, coats , ties, it comes with the territory

Don't make him pay for a new one he's probably stressed about losing it and feels guilty

I forgot to say mine were always losing wallets and bus and train tickets and phones as well then they get older and stop losing stuff

I’m going to nick the AirTag idea for one of my form. ADHD diagnosis, forever forgetting/losing stuff. Fab idea! We have a huge storage cupboard that is emptied at the end of each term, loads of stuff goes unclaimed, even with names written on! I had to give a boy’s coat to his sister when he claimed it wasn’t his, despite the name tag sewn in!

They guve a rough location but not pinpoint accuracy.

Oh I don't know, my next door neighbour can tell when their cat is in my house!

Boys seem to be quite careless with mislaying coats and jackets, or is it that they just don't attach importance to the value of clothes (particularly if they're not paying for the items!). DS lost one during his secondary school days. When we went in to see if we could find it in the lost property pile at his school, there were loads, some of which were expensive branded ones. DS's was there, of course. But without me with him, doubt he'd have ever bothered to check.

Kids lose coats at school.

If his was nice it could very well have been stolen.

I personally would buy him a new one as I don't think it's his fault as must have been taken by someone else. Was it labelled? No. So he trusted, and someone took it.

Buy him a new one but say it can't be a super desirable one for school. He can't be without a coat.

Then let him do his security on it, with the air tag.

Poor lad.

Sounds fair, he should buy a lanyard for the bus pass as well. If it he doesn't want to wear it, that's part of the punishment/learning process.

Vinted is your best bet. You’ll definitely get something there

The amount of theft in schools is ridiculous. I only buy cheaper non branded coats and stuff anyway but I learnt my lesson back in pre-school when some brand new shoes went missing.

DC had done a dance class in socks and when they went to put their shoes on, they couldn’t find them and the only pair left were the same style but very worn and a size smaller. I was livid as they never turned up. Clearly the other parent would immediately have realised that their kid had the wrong shoes on but felt entitled to keep them. This was in a naice middle class area too.

When DC were at school no one wanted to go through the lost property because of all the smelly, dirty rugby kit mixed in with everything else. At one stage the PTA went through it, washed items and returned those with labels (for a donation) and sold the rest. If he went into school with it and it is not in lost property, then where has it gone? There was a spate of expensive things going missing at DC’s school. I sewed in hidden labels as well as the obvious labels in blazers etc. He once came out minus a new shoe after a sports match and was told to buy a new pair. I contacted the school and made them look for it, someone had thrown it behind the sports lockers for a ‘joke’.