To make my son pay

[SirHisss]

For his own coat?

He has lost his at school. The replacement for the one he lost at the beginning of this year.

I can't let him go through the whole winter without a decent coat, so it's not something I can just refuse to replace and let him put up with not having one.

He has been round the whole school/lost property twice and it hasn't turned up so I believe someone has taken it, but it wouldn't have been taken if he hadn't left it at his arse in the first place.

He is always losing things, I feel like banging my head off the wall. I don't know how to get through to him. Jacket, sports equipment, trainers, we are on our third replacement bus pass since term started in September.

He was made to replace the lost sports equipment with his pocket money, and when he loses his bus pass he has to pay his own bus fare whilst we wait on a replacement but it doesn't make a difference.

He is a teenager, tall and broad shouldered so has outgrown kid's sizes - a decent jacket does not come cheap!

He is going to buy an air tag for the next one, which I think is a good idea and he can pay for that himself. It's just so frustrating, I work hard and he has nice, good quality things - this wasn't a flimsy cagoule from Primark and it'll be a significant chunk of my budget to replace it. But clothing him is my responsibility and it feels mean to get him to pay for something essential.

Magda that would be part of the punishment. Good consequence for his careless behaviour scouting round charity shops looking for a new school coat is not most 15 year old lads dream afternoon I would imagine. Will focus his mind on not losing his coat unlike if a new one magically appearing care of mum.

😂I think this is part of the problem. He didn't miss it until the end of the day because he usually stuffs it in his bag.

Just go online and order one, it'll probably be here by monday/Tuesday and you can take advantage of the black Friday sales.

Just look on vinted, you can get good coats at very reasonable prices.

Maybe he needs help on his organisational skills.

To people who say charity shops, I regularly buy clothes / other items from charities - on eBay which is where a lot of the good stuff is listed these days.

Charities want to make as much money as possible which these days means online listings.

You know teens hate coats, don't you? My eldest never wore a coat to secondary after a certain age - nor did the rest of the pupils we saw out and about - hoodies only (it was a non uniform school). They moved to a different school later and I was glad the school required blazers, as it served as a sort of coat. He may be losing the coat on purpose or just leaving it around as he doesn't feel cold.

My kids went to three different secondaries between them and lockers were always an issue - ie not necessarily near where their lessons were.

It is and as someone who has a ADHD diagnosis, I would be getting him to buy a new secondhand one. As I tell my ND DC it's not a get out of jail free card. It's a reason to take more care than others do and make more efforts to remember.

Get him a new coat for Christmas? He can cope with just a fleece until then. It doesn't sound as though he really values his coats anyway.

Probably, and I'm very forgetful myself so I do understand and I don't want to be too harsh on him.

100% buy on vinted or eBay - you will get something good for a tenner.

Also could he being bullied? One of mine constantly lost their PE kit. I even went into school with them one INSET day to look for it. The changing rooms etc were full of abandoned clothing though none we could find belonged to my child. Months later, a whole bag of their things was mysteriously found and returned to us.

I mean you could just say that he has a part time job or that he gets pocket money rather than being sarky couldn’t you?

I’m going against the grain to say yes, I think YABU.
Hes in school, he shouldn’t have to buy his own stuff when he’s not earning a wage.
Also, as many apps have said, stop buying him expensive stuff for school. There’s absolutely no need. An unbranded coat is no less capable of protecting him from the elements. Stop being a brand snob. The expensive stuff should be for outside of school, the cheaper stuff is for in school. You have to take some responsibility for his things being stolen if you’re going to send him to school in pricey stuff

I work in a secondary school. I can never believe the number of coats left lying around that don't have names in! There must be 2000 very similar black coats in the school. Biro on the label is all it takes to reunite coat with child!

As soon as ds started saying he wanted branded items, I said fine, they'll be from Vinted then. When he loses or breaks something he's expected to contribute for a replacement, yes, after the first strike.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask him to pay / contribute towards a replacement. There needs to be some sort of consequence for being careless with his stuff.

@SirHisss
I work in a secondary school in the library where we have a lost property bin. Omg you would not believe the number of kids girls as well as boys who lose things. And the coats amaze me, North Face Canada Goose and so on. We are in an area of economic deprivation as well.
Myself I have been influenced by seeing the carnage and waste over the years I buy my coats in T K Maxx now. I wholeheartedly recommend them for your son.
And yes put a name tag and phone number on any item. I have some sympathy for school kids they do have to keep moving around and even if they have lockers they would still have to trek to them two ot three times a day.

Where have I said that any of his things are/must be branded?

She didn’t say anything about branded, she said effective, a coat that is actually weatherproof. If you want something waterproof it generally costs a bit more.

Genius! I wish I'd thought of that, I have 3 now adult DC , and the amount of time and money I've spent replacing lost clothes adds up to a small fortune!

My son was the same for the first few years of senior school. He’s not much better at 17. He left his back pack at a party last year with his house keys in and god knows what else. He just doesn’t see the issue with some random person having keys to our home. It really annoys me. He works at MacDonalds and is forever losing his cap. I’ve bought so many replace off of eBay as there are no spares at work . I have started doing the same and making him replace stuff.

My daughter, a year older has never lost a thing!

You’re so right, I’ve absolutely no idea why they prefer to be absolutely freezing than do the sensible thing and wear a coat!

OP I think 50/50 is fair so you at least make your point that coats don’t float down from thin air, tell him loses another one he buys his own next time, hopefully he’ll be more careful.

I lose everything. Doesnt matter if I love it or bought it. In school most kids don’t lose stuff - the same kids do over and over again. I would buy pragmatically rather than punish

Yes, that's a fair point!