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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think men shouldn't be midwives

1000 replies

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:37

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
x2boys · 29/11/2024 19:40

It was a mile obstetrician that delivered my second child via ventouse after 17 hours in the delivery suite I was past point of caring.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 29/11/2024 19:41

Given 3 female midwives across 3 twelve hour shifts and at least another female manager completely ballsed up my birth and were more interested in their log book than what was happening in real time...and then a male Dr came along and identified the issue, appreciated the urgency and resolved it immediately, I'd beg to differ.

caringcarer · 29/11/2024 19:42

I think women should be given a choice. Some women wouldn't accept it on cultural grounds.

Pollypoppy · 29/11/2024 19:42

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:37

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

YABU When I was giving birth the gender of my midwife was the last thing on my mind.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 29/11/2024 19:43

I'd take a man over some of the incompetent bitches who "looked after" me.

Not all midwives are incompetent, but fuck me, it's way more than there should be.

Barryplopper · 29/11/2024 19:43

I had a male midwife with my 2nd baby, he was a student and it was his final delivery he needed to do as part of the course. He was fab!

TheBeesKnee · 29/11/2024 19:44

There are less than 200 male midwives in the UK. I really don't think this is an issue to get het up about.

I've had positive and negative experiences with regular midwives, I think it all comes down to experience and the individual person.

KrisAkabusi · 29/11/2024 19:44

Is it just the male midwives you object to? Do you object if a male doctor or nurse walks into the room as well?

If they are qualified, that's all I care about.

Cosycover · 29/11/2024 19:44

I personally wouldn't have an issue but can understand that there will be women that absolutely do. And agree that those conversations would be difficult.

Gowlett · 29/11/2024 19:45

There was great male & female hospital personnel involved in my pregnancy / birth. All were talented medical people. I don’t think I’d question a male midwife. Had a great male PHN.

XenoBitch · 29/11/2024 19:45

YABU
Any woman is well within her right to request a female midwife, but YABU to think that male midwives should not exist at all.
Having the same genitals as the patient does not make them more understanding, or mean they will have great bedside manner. What next... only mothers are are allowed to be midwives?

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/11/2024 19:45

The vast majority of midwives are female, it wouldn’t be that difficult for a woman to request one.

Of course men should be able to be midwives too.

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:45

Pollypoppy · 29/11/2024 19:42

YABU When I was giving birth the gender of my midwife was the last thing on my mind.

Fair enough. Personally it wouldn't be the last thing on my mind.

OP posts:
Heidi2018 · 29/11/2024 19:45

I disagree. The male medical staff I had during my 2 births were amazing! Sometimes I found some of the female staff to be very uncaring and "get on with it" attitude.

LizzoBennett · 29/11/2024 19:46

I must admit I'm glad I had female midwives for my deliveries. It wasn't so much the deliveries themselves but the fact that labour is often long and you're vulnerable. I didn't mind that a male consultant delivered my firstborn. I just wouldn't have wanted a man constantly checking my cervix and hanging around in the room for the 14 hours I was in labour at hospital. I wouldn't have turned a male midwife away though.

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:46

XenoBitch · 29/11/2024 19:45

YABU
Any woman is well within her right to request a female midwife, but YABU to think that male midwives should not exist at all.
Having the same genitals as the patient does not make them more understanding, or mean they will have great bedside manner. What next... only mothers are are allowed to be midwives?

No, because women who are anxious having intimate procedures performed by men (often for entirely understandable reasons) don't tend to also be anxious around women who aren't mothers.

OP posts:
TMGM · 29/11/2024 19:46

I think all pregnant women have the ability to put this in the Badgernotes app in England (at least in my area) I was able to write my preferences and they went through it with me both before and during labour.

jeaux90 · 29/11/2024 19:47

It's irrelevant.

What is relevant is consent and choice.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/11/2024 19:47

Plenty of male doctors deliver babies. The least traumatic smear test I ever had was done by a male gynaecologist.

WonderingWanda · 29/11/2024 19:47

How do you feel about male obstetricians op? My first baby was delivered by a male obstetrician, in a theatre with male and female theatre nurses. Without him I would be dead as he stopped a massive bleed. My first pg which ended in missed mc was removed by a male surgeon, turned out to be a molar pg and so he likely also saved my life. My second baby was delivered by a female midwife who had never given birth herself...did that make her unqualified in your opinion?

I care about the medical qualifications of the Dr's and midwives caeing for me, not their gender.

TruffleShuffles · 29/11/2024 19:48

I had my first child in Spain where there were more senior male midwives than female, I would take every single one of them over the female ones I encountered in the U.K. with my second. I felt listened to by the male midwives and dismissed by the female ones, the Spanish male midwives had all trained in the U.K. too so it wasn’t a difference in their training.

MundaySunday · 29/11/2024 19:50

I think more men should be involved in the actual nitty gritty of what women go through bringing life into this world, not less. It affects and involves everyone, not just those who can give birth. I think it’s great there are men choosing their career, a huge portion of their life, helping women.

eRobin · 29/11/2024 19:50

By being uncomfortable, with this, you are implying that the male midwife could have nefarious intentions

Uricon2 · 29/11/2024 19:50

It bothers me not one whit which sex looks at my cervix or any other body part, as long as they're properly qualified and good at their jobs.

I think this holds unless we want to start taking steps backwards.

Taytoface · 29/11/2024 19:52

I used to think that male midwives should be celebrated. I have totally changed my mind. Some things should be female centered and birth is top of that list. I question the motivation of men who want to be in spaces where females are vulnerable.
The vast majority will be fine chaps, but there will be some who are there to abuse their power, and some have been found out.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4463617-male-midwife-facing-29-charges-of-misconduct

There are only a couple of hundred male midwives in the UK, and I know if at least 4 cases of misconduct. I don't like those odds.

Not all female midwives are perfect, but I can be pretty sure they are taking pictures of me for their own perverse pleasure

Male midwife facing 29 charges of misconduct, | Mumsnet

NMC hearing started today, expected to last four days, of a senior male midwife accused of, among other things, having taken pictures of two women hav...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4463617-male-midwife-facing-29-charges-of-misconduct

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