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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think men shouldn't be midwives

1000 replies

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:37

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

OP posts:
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12
TaxDirector · 29/11/2024 20:01

Lots of elderly gentleman are looked after by female carers and are very uncomfortable with it, especially where incontinence etc is concerned. No one seems to be bothered about ensuring we have enough male carers to guarantee men their dignity.

DryIce · 29/11/2024 20:01

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Wow savage! I am not sure that is the etymology, and in any case we manage to adapt to having female policemen and firemen...

ImthatBoleyngirl · 29/11/2024 20:02

I was in too much pain to give a monkeys who was delivering my baby!

whosaidtha · 29/11/2024 20:02

I had a male midwife help with the delivery of my second. I also had 3 female midwives, a female dr and 2 male drs in the room also. The male midwife was hands down best of them all. I think because he was male he was extra careful at protecting my dignity, adjusting sheets etc and he asked before every time he touched me and explained what he was doing and why. No one else gave a hoot.
Very few people seem to be against male gynaecologists or obstetricians. Why's that?

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/11/2024 20:02

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Men that clearly aren’t hung up on gender stereotypes.

CaptainCabinets · 29/11/2024 20:02

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:01

*What a horrible thing to say.

Midwife means “with woman”. The ‘wife’ part does not reflect the sex of the person doing the job. HTH*

Yes it's horrible. I wasn't being nice; I was being frank.

You were being an arsehole, but call it whatever you like.

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:02

What? Do you therefore by extension feel that there should be no male gynae?

As I said, I suspect...

ShanghaiDiva · 29/11/2024 20:03

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FFS- what a ridiculous comment.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/11/2024 20:04

under this reasoning, there would be no male gynecologists either?

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:04

You were being an arsehole, but call it whatever you like.

That's fine. My opinion isn't everyone's opinion.

Delatron · 29/11/2024 20:04

I had a lovely Northern Irish male midwife. He was amazing. Funny I had a chat about him on here a few years ago and some other mumsnetters had him too.

winterdarkness · 29/11/2024 20:05

If a woman is uncomfortable with s male midwife, she should discuss that beforehand, not when she's already in labour. Therefore your argument about being in pain makes no sense.

Personally I had a male obstetrician deliver my child by using a ventouse. After 30 hours of waiting I'm glad the useless female midwife called him

Radiatorvalves · 29/11/2024 20:05

I had a male midwife briefly about 20 years ago… no issues. I’ve also spoken to a male consultant gynaecologist recently about menopause and lack of sex drive.

While choice is important some of the comments on this thread are appalling and downright discriminatory.

oakleaffy · 29/11/2024 20:05

I'd want the most skilled person being the Midwife- one who gets a difficult baby out with least trauma to mother and baby.

Their sex really wouldn't bother me in this instance.

XenoBitch · 29/11/2024 20:05

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 29/11/2024 19:59

I don't have anything against male midwives. Though the only one i've come accross professionally was less than pleasant. But i have always wondered why midwifery isnt exempt from sex discrimation laws. I remember breast screening always was (not sure if it still is) with job adverts specifically saying you had to be female. Personally i find spreading my legs and having someone stick their fingers up my vagina more personally invasive than having my breasts squished by a machine?

Following that logic, only men could perform prostate exams, or STD checks for males.

FelixtheAardvark · 29/11/2024 20:06

There have been male midwives since the 18th century.

Why should there suddenly be an objection now????

Shopgirl2 · 29/11/2024 20:06

I think males shouldn't do sweeps, they're already painful, would rather smaller and gentler hands.

ShanghaiDiva · 29/11/2024 20:07

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/11/2024 20:04

under this reasoning, there would be no male gynecologists either?

Yes OP what is your opinion on male gynaecologists?

spoonfulofsugar1 · 29/11/2024 20:07

TaxDirector · 29/11/2024 20:01

Lots of elderly gentleman are looked after by female carers and are very uncomfortable with it, especially where incontinence etc is concerned. No one seems to be bothered about ensuring we have enough male carers to guarantee men their dignity.

And elderly women looked after by male health care workers when they dont like it. Care for the elderly is often abysmal and plenty of people are bothered by it. But it's nothing to do with what op is talking about.

StormingNorman · 29/11/2024 20:08

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Do you suppose that male midwives train for years to satisfy an extremely niche fetish for labouring fannies? Come on now.

Swanchaser · 29/11/2024 20:08

I have 3 children, all in their late 30s now. I had a male midwife for my second birth and he was by far the best in terms of supporting me through the birth and aftercare. Not necessarily because he was male, but his professionalism and skill were second to none

RawBloomers · 29/11/2024 20:08

I‘ve never cared about the sex of my doctors. I had a female surgeon but a male anesthesiologist for my c-section and possibly some male nurses in the OR. and that was fine. But I definitely felt less relaxed with male nurses pre- and post- birth and all else being equal I think a male midwife would have made my experience less good. I think it’s to do with the informality you have with midwives and nurses, it feels more intimate somehow and so vulnerable in a more complex way.

However, I would prefer to have good midwives (or nurses) than female ones. If you cut out all the men that means you’re pulling from half the talent pool and that doesn’t sound great.

RosesAndHellebores · 29/11/2024 20:09

Ime the female midwives, with one or two notable exceptions, were barely competent, dismissive and didn't give many shots whilst chatting inconsistent shit anti, in labour and post natally. The one male midwife oth was fabulous as was the registrar (male) who sorted out a difficult labour. My next baby was consultant obstetrician led (male) and he made sure I was looked after by competent and experienced midwives when the baby turned and I didn't need an elective c-section any more and elected not to have it because he promised I'd have a competently managed labour.

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 20:09

winterdarkness · 29/11/2024 20:05

If a woman is uncomfortable with s male midwife, she should discuss that beforehand, not when she's already in labour. Therefore your argument about being in pain makes no sense.

Personally I had a male obstetrician deliver my child by using a ventouse. After 30 hours of waiting I'm glad the useless female midwife called him

This wouldn't necessarily occur to everyone beforehand.

OP posts:
ForGreyKoala · 29/11/2024 20:09

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:01

*What a horrible thing to say.

Midwife means “with woman”. The ‘wife’ part does not reflect the sex of the person doing the job. HTH*

Yes it's horrible. I wasn't being nice; I was being frank.

You were being weird, not frank. Your ignorance is shining through.

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