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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think men shouldn't be midwives

1000 replies

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 19:37

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
CaptainCabinets · 29/11/2024 20:09

Shopgirl2 · 29/11/2024 20:06

I think males shouldn't do sweeps, they're already painful, would rather smaller and gentler hands.

Ha! I have a student midwife as well as a qualified midwife looking after me and I already know I want the qualified midwife to do my sweep because she is strong-looking with large hands and I want the job done effectively 🤣 the student midwife is wonderful (and she’s coming to deliver my baby!) but she has delicate little hands and I don’t think she’d be as firm in her sweeping!

Nellieinthebarn · 29/11/2024 20:09

If you'd asked me before I was in labour I would have said I wanted a female midwife, at the point of delivery I would have accepted anyone that would get the little bugger out of me.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 29/11/2024 20:09

Personally I couldn't give a shit about their gender. I had a male student midwife help deliver my eldest son and he was first to notice a complication with my labour. I also have had a male student doctor when having a chunk of my cervix removed due to pre cancerous cells. My thought on that one was if having a male doctor trained to perform that procedure means waiting times are lower, it saves more lives than waiting for a woman.

birdglasspen2 · 29/11/2024 20:09

I’ve had 3 babies and without a doubt the male midwife who got my 2nd out without an op was by far my favorite of all the (MANY) involved in delivering my DS’s.
He was a father of 3 and I couldn’t fault him. He didn’t bullshit me but he gave me the confidence to know I could do it. I don’t believe the sex of a midwife affects their quality! Might make the DHs squirm but so be it.

Mattins · 29/11/2024 20:10

I wouldn’t want one. And I’d be perfectly upfront about that. Just keep saying so if you don’t want a male midwife.

oakleaffy · 29/11/2024 20:10

Shopgirl2 · 29/11/2024 20:06

I think males shouldn't do sweeps, they're already painful, would rather smaller and gentler hands.

I had a REALLY rough young male doctor do this - He made my husband wait outside the room - now I know why!

A female nurse was with me, but it was incredibly painful.

Put me off having another child after that- It still makes me wince, thinking about it.
🤢

Justanothermum9421 · 29/11/2024 20:10

I think you're getting a hard time here OP... In my first labour, it was a male midwife who saw to me first when I went into the birthing unit and I had a sinking feeling. I felt uncomfortable, but didn't say anything as I wasn't really sure why - it just didn't sit right. I ended up having my baby delivered by a female, I am now expecting my second and think about this often. I'm not really sure what the uncomfortable feeling was about but it was there. Having said that, I feel he was probably an absolutely amazing midwife and no reason why he shouldn't have trained in that profession! Maybe it's more of a 'me problem', and I should learn to be more vocal about my preferences?

FindingMeno · 29/11/2024 20:10

I tend to agree that midwifery should be a role restricted to women.

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 20:10

FelixtheAardvark · 29/11/2024 20:06

There have been male midwives since the 18th century.

Why should there suddenly be an objection now????

It's not exactly 'sudden'...

They've only been able to train as midwives in this country since the eighties.

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 29/11/2024 20:11

ShanghaiDiva · 29/11/2024 20:07

Yes OP what is your opinion on male gynaecologists?

But a midwife is a person doing something different : the screenings asking questions about your relationship, checking on your mental health, with you when you are at your most vulnerable. I wouldn't want some bloke in my home while I'm pooing myself in a birthing pool and struggling to breastfeed 😂. It's an interesting conversation though.

butterfly0404 · 29/11/2024 20:11

I had a male midwife 27 years ago for my 3rd child, he was fantastic and hopefully has had a long and successful career.

Eono · 29/11/2024 20:11

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:04

You were being an arsehole, but call it whatever you like.

That's fine. My opinion isn't everyone's opinion.

And for that we should be extremely grateful.

mymumwouldntapprove · 29/11/2024 20:12

I think it would be reasonable to have a marker in the notes saying no male care.

I have spoken only this week in the course of my work with a woman who was extremely distressed at having received an appointment letter asking her to attend a gynaecologist appointment involving a transvaginal ultrasound, giving the name of a male consultant. She was a domestic abuse survivor and the victim of brutal rape. She didn’t want a man, any man, anywhere near her, but she didn’t feel she could refuse given the nature of the tests and the state of the NHS.

I also had a bad experience with a male consultant who appeared in the minutes after my DC was rushed away to emergency care straight after birth. I was alone in the room, having just watched them resuscitate my newborn baby, covered in blood, all the staff had disappeared and my husband had gone with the baby. I won’t write here what he did but I don’t want a male midwife anywhere near me ever again. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for that.

potatocrates · 29/11/2024 20:13

I prefer male medical practitioners. They’re less likely to compare my experiences to their own and (subconsciously) assume that their own experiences are normative.

oakleaffy · 29/11/2024 20:13

CaptainCabinets · 29/11/2024 20:09

Ha! I have a student midwife as well as a qualified midwife looking after me and I already know I want the qualified midwife to do my sweep because she is strong-looking with large hands and I want the job done effectively 🤣 the student midwife is wonderful (and she’s coming to deliver my baby!) but she has delicate little hands and I don’t think she’d be as firm in her sweeping!

I had zero idea as to what a 'sweep' was at the time- but it felt like a very rough man trying to sweep a chimney - What the heck do they do?

I haven't dared google.

igglepiggle599 · 29/11/2024 20:13

mymumwouldntapprove · 29/11/2024 20:12

I think it would be reasonable to have a marker in the notes saying no male care.

I have spoken only this week in the course of my work with a woman who was extremely distressed at having received an appointment letter asking her to attend a gynaecologist appointment involving a transvaginal ultrasound, giving the name of a male consultant. She was a domestic abuse survivor and the victim of brutal rape. She didn’t want a man, any man, anywhere near her, but she didn’t feel she could refuse given the nature of the tests and the state of the NHS.

I also had a bad experience with a male consultant who appeared in the minutes after my DC was rushed away to emergency care straight after birth. I was alone in the room, having just watched them resuscitate my newborn baby, covered in blood, all the staff had disappeared and my husband had gone with the baby. I won’t write here what he did but I don’t want a male midwife anywhere near me ever again. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for that.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

OP posts:
Nousernamesavaliable · 29/11/2024 20:14

If it wasn't for the male obstatrician that came in to check how my labour was going myself and my son wouldn't be here today. He was the one that initiated the emergency section that was absolutely put off by his female colleagues.
That said, as a member of the nhs working within the community, most of patients prefer female staff.
Personally I couldn't care what sex you maybe or what you identify as, as long as you are competent and confident in your job role I for one have the utter most respect and faith in you.

ItsyourSam · 29/11/2024 20:14

I had a male midwife deliver my first baby, and I was surprised (and still am) that I didn't mind a bit!

SnoopySantaPaws · 29/11/2024 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Christ, how old are you??

spoonfulofsugar1 · 29/11/2024 20:15

mymumwouldntapprove · 29/11/2024 20:12

I think it would be reasonable to have a marker in the notes saying no male care.

I have spoken only this week in the course of my work with a woman who was extremely distressed at having received an appointment letter asking her to attend a gynaecologist appointment involving a transvaginal ultrasound, giving the name of a male consultant. She was a domestic abuse survivor and the victim of brutal rape. She didn’t want a man, any man, anywhere near her, but she didn’t feel she could refuse given the nature of the tests and the state of the NHS.

I also had a bad experience with a male consultant who appeared in the minutes after my DC was rushed away to emergency care straight after birth. I was alone in the room, having just watched them resuscitate my newborn baby, covered in blood, all the staff had disappeared and my husband had gone with the baby. I won’t write here what he did but I don’t want a male midwife anywhere near me ever again. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for that.

That's terrible. So sorry that happened to you.

ilovesooty · 29/11/2024 20:15

Taytoface · 29/11/2024 19:52

I used to think that male midwives should be celebrated. I have totally changed my mind. Some things should be female centered and birth is top of that list. I question the motivation of men who want to be in spaces where females are vulnerable.
The vast majority will be fine chaps, but there will be some who are there to abuse their power, and some have been found out.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4463617-male-midwife-facing-29-charges-of-misconduct

There are only a couple of hundred male midwives in the UK, and I know if at least 4 cases of misconduct. I don't like those odds.

Not all female midwives are perfect, but I can be pretty sure they are taking pictures of me for their own perverse pleasure

It didn't take long for the suggestion to surface that men who choose to become midwives might have perverted motives.

The same thing happens on threads about men working in nurseries and changing nappies

birdglasspen2 · 29/11/2024 20:16

Couldn’t stand the male trainee who stomped loudly around the rooms where we were birthing or recovering with newborns spouting off about his sex life loudly at all times of day and night. Until he came in and said my baby was lovely😂 everything about martenity care needs changed but no the sex of who’s doing it. We need more midwife’s and separate rooms and people to help establish breastfeeding. We need people who understand a new mum needs sleep and recovery time.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 29/11/2024 20:16

No. It was a male consultant who started me on my ivf journey and numerous male drs and nurses involved the various procedures along the way that helped us get our much longer for child. It would make me sad to think of others in similar positions having to wait longer to get treatment because talented medics are excluded from the field due to their sex

Dobest · 29/11/2024 20:16

Do you suppose that male midwives train for years to satisfy an extremely niche fetish for labouring fannies? Come on now.

I know I'm on a hiding to nothing here, but niche fetishists will go to endless trouble.

JeanLundegaard · 29/11/2024 20:16

Are there any jobs that you don’t think women should do? Perform vasectomies, prostate examinations?

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