to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

Not at all. It's possible to feel uncomfortable without implying that the person making you uncomfortable is a criminal. It's about personal preference at the most vulnerable point in your life.

You can get female midwives who make you feel desperately uncomfortable, too.

It depends on the practitioner. You can always request someone else.

Also why stop at midwives? Are you saying all obstretics should be female? Not much point having all female midwives if then you need a consultant who rocks up and is male.

I just want the most qualified and compassionately skilled people on the day. An ever increasing challenge given their awful working conditions. If you’re giving birth vaginally, chances are at least 8 people are seeing your vagina, the fact one might be male is pretty irrelevant to me.

I got to a point where I thought I was going to die. And I knew from DH face he thought so too. What is relevant in that moment is the conscientious, ability to think quickly and on the spot and knowledge and confidence to make quick decisions...what is not relevant is a log book and under experienced midwives who lack confidence or speed. I'm that moment you're at the mercy of these people and have to hope to god they know what they're doing and can do it quickly.

If this is your only concerns when giving birth u must have had it very easy
Surely as long as the person is qualified and present and calm does it really matter you needed a man to get the baby in there lol

To add to this, I think YANBU to want the choice of only a female midwife but on the other side, I think mothers should also be able to choose only male midwives or no preference. I had a male trainee midwife during my checkups pre-birth and he hurt me to the point where the pain lasted a few days, and while yes, I should have spoken up as soon as he was being a bit rough, I feel like I personally would have been more comfortable speaking up sooner to another woman, although I understand not everyone is as reserved as myself.

I had a male midwife with one of my babies and he was utterly amazing

He was so lovely and supportive with me while keeping my ex busy by chatting about football

I'd have taken him over the female midwife I'd had about 3 days earlier when I was rushed in (high risk pregnancy)

She was an evil,nasty and her empathy had gone for a walk

She made me feel like the biggest waste of her time and I felt an inch tall after she walked out of the room-not what you want when your at your most vulnerable

I did panic a tiny bit when he walked in but I remember thinking 'I don't care if he's a bloody Martian,as long as he gets this baby out'

I'll never forget him,he made a high risk pregnancy and a difficult labour much easier

I would prefer a women (female) midwife

but in the throws of labour I didn’t care who was in the room I just wanted my baby to be delivered safely

there are situations I feel I would prefer to see a woman doctor but if the issue was very serious and I was feeling desperate I am not sure I would care so much then

I also had a child delivered by a male doctor. It was an emergency and there was a medical need - I was fine with it.

Midwifery is traditionally an exclusively feminine profession for a reason. I think there's a difference between a male doctor/nurse performing an emergency or less intimate role and a male midwife being constantly present and performing intimate procedures at a time when the woman may feel less able to protest.

I am so completely and utterly done with being pregnant now that Mr Blobby could rock up to deliver my baby and I’d be thrilled.

I don’t personally give a shit if my midwife is male or female, but there are of course women who will only accept a female midwife. Whatever their reason is for their choice is absolutely valid and would/should be accommodated as it wouldn’t be the first time the situation has arisen on the labour ward.

I don’t think a blanket ban on male midwives is the answer.

That’s absolutely irrelevant, she obviously doesn’t want her midwife doing that to her 😂

Op is not implying that.

I think women should absolutely be able to choose if they have strong feelings about it.

I personally wouldn't care if my midwife was male or female, and presumably I am not the only woman who feels that way, so they shouldn't be banned from the profession entirely

In my long experience, every male midwife that I have encountered has taken enormous care with interpersonal skills and often impressively concerned with respect and privacy, more so than some of their female counterparts. They also obtain consent from their patients to give care, especially so where cultural norms prefer that a woman is cared for by females.
Its such a shame when old stereotypes are trotted out without any thought of checking what happens in real life

Would having a lesbian midwife be similar to having a male midwife? BTW I’m not saying I have an opinion it’s just a question?

I most certainly did not have it easy, and I'm not just thinking about myself.

It's quite childish to imply that the level of comfort a labouring woman has with a male midwife should be the same as the level of comfort she has/had with the father of her child, assuming she conceived the child consensually.

Haven't rtft but honestly, the only thing about the male registrar who helped deliver my baby that bothered me was the size of his hands. Ouch.

I've spent a year going through a series of gynae appts and surgery and probably had 5 intimate exams from my lovely male gynae. At no point did I wish he was a woman (and in fact I chose a male gynae as this was private).

He was sensitive, patient and good at his job.

I don't have anything against male midwives. Though the only one i've come accross professionally was less than pleasant. But i have always wondered why midwifery isnt exempt from sex discrimation laws. I remember breast screening always was (not sure if it still is) with job adverts specifically saying you had to be female. Personally i find spreading my legs and having someone stick their fingers up my vagina more personally invasive than having my breasts squished by a machine?

I agree. I requested female only midwives at my very first appointment. Its my body, baby and choice and i wanted to ensure i felt comfortable.

What a horrible thing to say.

Midwife means “with woman”. The ‘wife’ part does not reflect the sex of the person doing the job. HTH

Personally, I don’t give a shit - I actually can’t remember who was in the room during my dramatic birth with DD and their sex would have been the least of my worries.

However I think that all women should, at booking in, be asked whether they want an all female care team or are happy with mixed sex and that should be completely respected except in life or death situations.

I and most women I know are lucky enough that we would have said ‘mixed sex team fine’ but for the small amount of women I know who would specify ‘female only’ it was extremely important.

It truly doesn’t bother me. Several members of the team who safely delivered my first child were men, and I was grateful for their kindness and professionalism.

I don’t dismiss what you say about how some women might find it hard to say they didn’t feel comfortable with a male midwife. Women should have absolutely free choice in the matter, and the question should be asked in advance and in a very sincere way so as to ensure they genuinely are comfortable answering and don’t feel put on the spot. But I feel this concern can be mitigated in less drastic ways than by banning men from the profession.

I also don’t think it particularly matters that men don’t give birth. Neither of my midwives (both women) in my first birth had their own children. Didn’t mean they weren’t hugely experienced at delivering them, which is a very different process!

What? Do you therefore by extension feel that there should be no male gynae?

I wouldn't mind a male midwife at all

*What a horrible thing to say.

Midwife means “with woman”. The ‘wife’ part does not reflect the sex of the person doing the job. HTH*

Yes it's horrible. I wasn't being nice; I was being frank.