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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling a bit sad that 2 of my best friends don’t care we just bought our first home

223 replies

Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:50

Took us a decade to save towards a deposit but we finally made it and recently moved to our new, modest home.
I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home, never asked any questions when we were looking, only replied with a brief msg when we said our offer was accepted and din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.
AIBU to expect my closest friends to show some interest in such a major life event?

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 27/11/2024 22:52

It may be a major life event to you but not others unfortunately.

MasterBeth · 27/11/2024 22:53

Yes. I'd be interested in my best friend's new home and would want to share her excitement about it.

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 27/11/2024 22:54

It's really not of interest to anyone but you. Some people might be good at politely feigning interest but honestly it's really not that a big deal to your friends. I'm sure they're happy for you but they shouldn't have to jump up and down with glee...Don't let it get you down! You bought the house for yourself and that should be reward enough. 💐

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 27/11/2024 22:54

Have you gone on about it too much perhaps (and bored people?)

As a pp said, someone else buying a house is not really a hugely exciting event for them. For the people who are buying it yeah, but very few other people will care.

It's a very normal and ordinary thing to do for most people.

.

Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:54

@Neveranynamesleft yes of course but showing interest in your close friends major life event doesn’t mean it needs to feel like a big event for you too.
I definitely would ask questions and make a bit of a fuss for them

OP posts:
SmalllChange · 27/11/2024 22:55

Two out of how many didn't show an interest?

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 27/11/2024 22:55

Yea but that's you. And it's nice of you to be that way. 🙂 However not everyone's like that. Doesn't mean they can't still be good friends.

Brainded · 27/11/2024 22:56

And what was your reaction when they bought their house @Seekingchange?

Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:56

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway O have barely mentioned the topic twice: when we made the offer and when we exchanged. Then never mentioned anything again.
It is a big deal for us in our circle as home ownership isn’t easy these days. We live in London

OP posts:
Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:57

@Brainded they haven’t bought a house. They live abroad and rent.
I am always very interested in other events of their lives, relationships, travels etc

OP posts:
Namenamchange · 27/11/2024 22:57

Friends are meant to support each other and show an interest. It’s not hard, a few positive comments and a bit of care is what friendships are made of.

They are a bit rubbish. But at least you know.

pikkumyy77 · 27/11/2024 22:57

If you are sad what do you propose doing about it? There is absolutely nothing you can do. So just note it for yourself. And think about whether these friends celebrate your good news or ignore it other times, while expecting your enthusiasm for their events??

Itwasnttrue · 27/11/2024 22:58

I wouldn't expect people to show interest on a WhatsApp group. Chatting face to face, yes.

SprinkleCake · 27/11/2024 22:58

I’d be excited for my friends and family.

I think it’s fairly common for people to be uninterested in life events though unless it’s just the people I’m surrounded by. My own mother wasn't even interested in my recent new home even though it was a dream to me. She came a couple of times when I got the keys and has never been back.

Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:58

@Itwasnttrue well sadly we all live in different countries so we barely see each other face to face but talk regulalry almost every day and have been close friends for decades

OP posts:
Brainded · 27/11/2024 22:58

Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:57

@Brainded they haven’t bought a house. They live abroad and rent.
I am always very interested in other events of their lives, relationships, travels etc

Maybe buying a house is a contentious issue for them, maybe it’s triggering for them and they just can’t engage with it right now.

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/11/2024 22:59

I've always been pleased for my friends when they've bought houses but not tripping over myself with excitement, that's for them. I didn't expect anyone else to be thrilled when I bought my first flat, in fact the day I got the keys I went to a close friend's 30th party and didn't even mention it as that was her day to celebrate.

Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 23:00

@Brainded maybe yes. Although I would still make an effort to show interest if a close friend (for example I did with one of them when she had a DC and it was triggering for me)

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 27/11/2024 23:01

Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 22:56

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway O have barely mentioned the topic twice: when we made the offer and when we exchanged. Then never mentioned anything again.
It is a big deal for us in our circle as home ownership isn’t easy these days. We live in London

But it's obviously not a big deal to some, as clearly some of your friends aren't fussing over you and cracking the champers for you.

Why do YOU think they're not fussing over you/not arsed?

Original poster
Seekingchange · 27/11/2024 23:01

I am not asking anyone to be jumping with excitement but simply to at least ask a couple pf questions or even say “show us a photo” or something really minor like that. I never said they should be all excited

OP posts:
Lovelysummerdays · 27/11/2024 23:02

I think this is one of those things that’s only really interesting to you. I mean genuinely if someone told me they’d bought a new house I’d think that’s nice and that’s it. I wouldn’t ask, In my experience houses are mainly something to whinge about as you uncover all the shitty things the last owner covered up.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 27/11/2024 23:02

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/11/2024 22:59

I've always been pleased for my friends when they've bought houses but not tripping over myself with excitement, that's for them. I didn't expect anyone else to be thrilled when I bought my first flat, in fact the day I got the keys I went to a close friend's 30th party and didn't even mention it as that was her day to celebrate.

Exactly. Something that is very exciting for you, is very likely not going to be exciting for anyone else! (Well not most people anyway.)

Questionary · 27/11/2024 23:03

My close friend has just bought a house. I would consider it rude to start asking loads of questions or to see interior photos via text. I would respond oh that’s great news about an exchange but not much more until the practicalities of the move are relevant

It’s a major life event but also a financial one. That pushes it into an area that can be tricky to discuss.

Honestly you really need to move past this one. And maybe can I suggest gently that you examine your motivations. Are you feeling very proud of your financial ability and seeking a bit of flattery? You mentioned it’s rare event amongst your friends to be home owners as if you expect them to be a bit impressed.

MarketValveForks · 27/11/2024 23:05

How much do you know about their own housing situations? Are they caught in a rental trap and unlikely to ever escape? How much do you ask them to share their housing concerns with you and offer them support and sympathy?

Onlyvisiting · 27/11/2024 23:06

Good manners would dictate they express some interest. Basic congratulations, show a picture, are you gokng to redecorate etc etc.
I wouldn't actually BE interested, I find other peoples house and cars monumentally dull 😅 but would recognise that good manners and being a decent friend requires you to show an interest in what is going on it their lives.
Are they usually interested in things you are doing? Or have you just noticed this more as things a really significant event for you?