Feeling a bit sad that 2 of my best friends don’t care we just bought our first home

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Took us a decade to save towards a deposit but we finally made it and recently moved to our new, modest home.
I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home, never asked any questions when we were looking, only replied with a brief msg when we said our offer was accepted and din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.
AIBU to expect my closest friends to show some interest in such a major life event?

I'm excited for you. I hope you have many happy years in your new home and if we were friends I'd totally have been asking for pictures and what your plans were to decorate. But I'll happily browse rightmove as entertainment.
Pretty miserable friendships if you can't share the joyful times.

So many bizarre assumptions and joyless attitudes on this thread - sending a congratulatory WhatsApp message or card to mark a significant occasion in a friends life is hardly ground breaking amounts of effort! I’m sure people do not expect their friends lives to revolve around them, but what is the point in having friends at all if not to share experiences/achievements/occasions? It takes 2 mins to acknowledge and send a kind message.

I always sent new home cards to people , but I admit that a lot of my card sending has dropped off a lot since the price of the stamps is more than the card sometimes. It's more likely to be a message online / email or whatever these days

Personally I think it's quite bizarre to make a great deal out of the absence of a couple of WhatsApp messages. Of course it'd be nice if all our friends would always do exactly what we want and what we expect in every aspect of our lives all time...but sometimes they don't, and for me personally that really isn't a big deal. And guess what? That means my life is actually joyful rather than joyless, and more importantly completely drama-free. I generally give and take as needed and go with the flow; I don't put too much expectation on each individual friend. It works very well for me. OP doesn't have to take that approach of course, but she asked for opinions and she's been given a range of perspectives from which she can decide where the balance lies for her.

(Of course it's possible that these particular people are, in fact, entirely self-absorbed, self-centred, nasty, uncaring people...in which case I'm sure there'll be a great deal of history backing that up. But in the absence of such evidence I wouldn't be casting them as such based on just one instance)

OP - congrats on your home! Some of the responses here are bizarre. I think showing an interest in a friend's life and congratulating them when they've achieved something meaningful to them is an important hallmark of friendship.

Those points about people in continental Europe not understanding that buying a house is a big deal are also odd. Of course people understand buying a house is a big deal - even if they didn't get the social nuances of the UK, you can understand what means something to your own friend.

It makes me really sad how little people are expected to care about others. I had a similar situation where a friend posted in our group chat that she'd just bought a house - and we were all delighted for her. But I did notice two people (who bought their own houses years ago) read and not reply, and I just thought, how mean and careless. They couldn't take 10 seconds to wish someone else well.

Given the friends in question live abroad and communicate via social media its not so surprising that they arent that bothered TBH.
It would be weirder if they lived in the area and showed no interest (if I was local I would def congratulate a friend...and probably want to know when I could come round for a nosey as well!).

They are jealous, spiteful and weird. Even if a stranger said they had bought a house, you would say congratulations. So why not them? They are joyless who are in competition with you even if you are not. The pain is there's, talk about your house as much as you can.

Does it really matter? If you’re happy, who cares? I learned to stop giving a shit what people thought about me years ago, and that I cannot control how others respond or behave and to just get on with it and concern myself with my own life and goals. It’s much less stressful and I’m happier because the weight of seeking approval has vanished. It’s great.

I agree with your last paragraph in particular, house envy is a very real thing there have been many threads on here about the very subject, and as for all these people apparently who have zero interest in seeing their friends new house is more likely they don’t want to see it because it brings out the green eyed monster, either because they can’t afford to buy, or their friend now has a bigger and better house than them and they now feel inferior, and yes even a stranger online brings out these feelings as many replies show.

So, every post on here should be ignored unless it's agreeing with the OP?

FFS! Life's not like that dear. Not everyone is going to agree. And differing views should not be 'ignored.' What a silly attitude you have.

Absolutely this, I don’t know why this line is trotted out so regularly on here, it’s an urban myth.

No one thinks about you as much as you think about you. It's a huge life event for you and just an event that's happened for them. Everyone is the centre of their own universe

I'm amazed how many people are 'so what' about this.
What's the point in having friends if you're not interested in them and therefore their life.
If you care for someone why wouldn't you notice if something happened to them that would likely be making them feel very happy... Don't we notice and share when people we care about are happy!?

For those who are off the 'so what it's not my life why would I look up for that' point of view, do you not talk to friends about what's happening for you? Everything from how's work, to wrestling kids to do homework, to a great film you saw... Etc

Op I'd share your happiness. Want to know if you were going to decorate (happy chats about that), if you'd seen the neighbours, were the sellers ready to deal with, was moving stressful etc etc

Anything you fancies sharing, I'd be all ears.

YANBU

In my experience people buying houses can often go on about it a lot.
(Realise you said you haven’t, though.)

I’m finding the constant chats at work involving a colleague buying a house a little difficult and tune them out a bit because our circumstances are so different; colleague is 20 years younger than me but has a husband with a very well paying job and family help from both sides. So it’s straight to a four bedroom detached in a lovely village. I’m happy for her but I’m only human.

din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.

if you are in WhatsApp the usual think to do is post a link to RightMove without being asked, same for move in pictures. Why were you waiting to be asked?

I once was talking to a Mum friend about the house she had offered in but when asked her to show me in RM she refused, said she didn't want to jinx it (I knew what the offer amount was so wasn’t a financial privacy thing). Maybe people think that by not offering up pics you’re thinking along those lines?

You aren't maintaining an ongoing interest, but you did say you if course congratulated them.... So you're agreeing with op that this would be normal and nice for a friend to do.
She's feeling disappointed not to get a flicker of a reaction... You're right, keeping up a conversation about it might be everyone's interest but a quick 'nice one, congrats' isn't platinum standard friendship services... It's basic.

I do think people are envious about it. You just have to listen to how they complain about their landlords, about renting in general, about "dead money" and how they feel like they are being forced out of London...

It would be hugely insensitive to bang about my property when they are clearly so unhappy about renting. So, I don't talk about anything that is specific to home ownership. It's just reading the room...

I didn't get any help and I bought on my own. That's out of reach for a lot of normal Londoners. I know I've worked hard and made huge sacrifices, but I don't expect anyone else to recognise that and give a damn but me - I expect them to just go, she owns her own home, isn't she full of privilege? I cannot truthfully say I wouldn't have a similar reaction in their shoes.

That’s exactly the same dynamic in our group which is why I was a bit surprised! 5 of us and talking daily about everything that happens in our lives, highs and lows. We celebrate achievements and support each other when things are not good. One of the two people who are not showing interest in the new home was also not interested in my pregnancy/baby stage at all and it did hurt. We are like sisters since we were kids.
I would ‘t want to be friends with the MN people in this thread!

They are not in London. They live abroad and one of them is way wealthier than me, just prefers to rent at this stage in life

I find it very bizarre how many of you would classify a simple polite text message to show antiny bit of interest at the same level of “your life rotating around your friend’s life”!!! i mean, is it really so hard to see a difference between these two concepts?

Of course it isn’t. This thread is bringing out the socially inept!

It definitely is disappointing and impacts friendships negatively when friends show no interest in important milestones such as pregnancies and buying a house. Obviously you do not expect your friends to be as invested as you are in your own life, but they should reciprocate the interest I’m sure you’ve shown them! It’s hardly difficult to message congratulations with a few happy emojis - it’s just basic decency really.

@Plastictrees 👌👌

I try to ensure my excitement really shines through when my friends achieve things other than marriage and babies as I think those things are the only things people really value. I’ve been the person who’s had things to celebrate and tried to organise a dinner for myself and friends aren’t interested but once someone’s engaged or pregnant they organise a big party for them.

I think it’s a sad and sexist thing that we don’t celebrate other things women do, so I try and be that person that I didn’t have.

Two things

the fact you're saying here it's a major life event makes me think you've gone on about it and either been braggy or annoying

it's not that interesting to other people but some people are better at feigning interest than others