Feeling a bit sad that 2 of my best friends don’t care we just bought our first home

[Seekingchange]

Took us a decade to save towards a deposit but we finally made it and recently moved to our new, modest home.
I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home, never asked any questions when we were looking, only replied with a brief msg when we said our offer was accepted and din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.
AIBU to expect my closest friends to show some interest in such a major life event?

But these aren't just "others", these are her closest friends, who are supposed to care about what goes on in their friend's lives.

YANBU OP.

It is disappointing I agree but unfortunately most people don't care about other people's life events.

Maybe they're a little envious? Or you're at different life stages and they don't realise what a huge deal this is for you?

People can be so miserable on here. Congratulations op. It’s normal for good friends to show some interest in big life events. Ask a few questions etc. Just as we do for them. We care about them and what’s going on in their life. Otherwise what is the friendship about?
Are they normally interested in other parts of your life? Or is this something you’ve noticed recently?

Really surprised at people who say they’d feign interest in such a major life event for a good friend, when my friends or we have bought we have all shown interest, looked at pics, told them how fab it looked, discussed progress, supported them , went to visit, exclaimed how lovely it was etc,

I find the fact anyone would say they would simply feign interest in such a major thing for a friend, very odd. In my circle friends support friends, we are interested in their life events.

Couldn’t have put it better!

Try not to look at it in a bad way. I had a group of close friends, when they all bought their first homes I got them presents and cards because I was so happy for them. Granted I was the last out the group after many years of struggle to buy and I didn’t get a single card. I was gutted, heartbroken infact. But I’ve had three amazing years in my home and have realised the friendships weren’t as solid as I thought. I put my attentions elsewhere and have a new group of close friends who all support the big and small wins in life. It was hard at the time but if you change your mindset it will all work out.
p.s congratulations on your new home, wishing you many many happy memories xx

This - there was the classic "no-one cares about it as much as you" on the first page, which gets trotted out on here for any significant life event. Well, sure - but that doesn't mean your friends wouldn't have ANY interest or at least show some because they know it's important to you.

Congrats, OP - I hope you're all really happy in your lovely new home!

I suspect it might be this. If they're in Europe, long-term rentals with stability and rights is normal.

My friends have houses. I don't. My main thought is that I'm glad that I'm not responsible and paying for major improvements and repairs.

I would say congratulations. But it's just not that major here, at least in my experience.

I am wondering if it is an age thing? When we were younger (20s) and the first few friends bought houses, it was so exciting - the rest of us couldn't wait to visit and were genuinely interested in new flooring etc, because the idea of owning a house was almost like an exciting new toy.

Twenty years later we have all lived in so many places and bought and sold and moved and fixed gutters and unblocked drains...we have lost that sense of excitement. I still express a polite interest but if you rarely see each other and they are unlikely to (ever?!) see this house, I can understand if it seems a bit abstract to them.

Congratulations on your house though, it genuinely is a huge achievement 🍾 🥂

Congratulations!! YADNBU. This is what friends are for - to celebrate life’s successes and milestones, I always send a gift/card when a good friend buys a new home (especially their first) and I love taking an interest and asking all about it.

However - I have experienced similar to you and it has been surprising and upsetting at times, especially considering how much I enjoy celebrating these occasions for others. I try not to take it too personally, sometimes you never really know what is going on for people and it is rarely about you. We are living in such difficult financial times with rising costs of living and I think sometimes people buying houses can shine a light on anxieties around this. In my case, I am in my mid 30s and I know some of my friends feel great pressure to tick boxes which society dictates are markers of success e.g home ownership, marriage, children. I have experienced similar lack of interest/acknowledgment when I was pregnant too and again I try not to take this too personally, but we are only human and it is understandable to feel disappointed.

Hopefully there will be people want to congratulate you OP, focus on them and enjoying your new house.

@Plastictrees one of them was the same with me when I was pregnant/had my baby. Thank you for this comment💐

I am not surprised by this. Your feelings are totally valid but try not to let it marr the excitement of this time.

We are currently in the process of moving - upsizing, which I realise is a very fortunate position to be in. My DH’s family have barely acknowledged our upcoming move at all, even though the extra space will be so transformative for our family and we are so excited. We are taking it with a hefty pinch of salt and sharing any updates with those who do take an interest!

They are just not interested. Maybe if they lived in the same town as you or came to your house regularly and you showed them around, they would be 'present'. They have their own lives. Don't invest so much interest in yourself and your achievements. They are yours to savour, not other people's. Bet your close family would be interested.

Everyone has their own life events going on. I’m part of a friendship group that has just started having children. Some in the group will text new mothers weekly (or more) to check how they’re doing. I of course congratulate them on the birth, but their day to day trials with a newborn are not top of my mind, so I rarely message unless to catch up more generally.

I expect some of them see me the way you see your friends OP, but I have my own life and household to run, and don’t have time to consider the minutiae of every friend’s life on a daily basis.

We are all the centre of our own worlds. Give your friends some slack and let them get on with their own business, without needing them to validate your life choices.

WhatsApp can be a bit strange in terms of friendships, I’ve definitely missed some things so have probably come across as not caring sometimes. Also, if it’s a large group then the reams of “Congratulations” etc messages can get a bit much if everyone has to say something.

I also think that perhaps these days you just have to state things yourself and post a photo rather than waiting for people to ask questions, like you might do if speaking face to face.

This is such a myth , home ownership in most of eu is the same levels as in the uk, yes long term rentals are more the norm for those who rent, but buying a house is still an achievement and the aspiration. And I’m fairly sure you know that.

OP every day I read MN & realise just how vast the cultural gap is between my experience of life & what often seeks like the majority of posters.

I have friends who live geographically far away but we're really close & message daily & often multiple times a day via WhatsApp. One is a group of 4 of us & you bet that we all celebrate ALL our highs & lows. We meet about every 6 weeks but in between we have a lively group chat. We champion each & support each other and things like house buying/ selling / moving; new jobs; kids exam achievements; university entry for kids; overseas trips; fun nights out with other friends; partners achievements; siblings news (marriage/ babies etc) are ALL noted & shared & celebrated.

Along side chat about books we're reading, gigs & films & theatre & events we go to. We share photos a lot.

So in my group we wouldn't wait to be asked - if one of us got the keys to a new house we'd share pictures ASAP & the others would be full of questions & planning to come see it etc

The majority of replies you've received here are honestly really baffling to me & I guess I don't understand the basis of many of these friendships if you can't share or be happy for someone else's good news in a world full of bad & depressing news

Reading these replies I think a LOT of people struggle with being happy for friends who achieve something they may not (yet / ever) have. And that's crap.

Congratulations OP! And wishing you many years of happiness in your new house. It's them, not you.

I don't actually, as I'm in Scandinavia and have friends in EU where it is definitely the case as I said it. So, get over yourself giving me motives I don't have.
Q

People here buy houses. My friends have, as I said. But it's not as hugely built up as I have seen it be when I lived in the UK.

Do they have their own home, or do they rent?
I agree buying a first home is a really big deal {Or it was to me!} after years of crapulous renting and feathering landlord's nests for them.
Maybe if they rent, they feel a little bit jealous?

@Pippinsdiary people use WhatsApp differently I suppose

We bought our first house a few years ago but I didn't expect my friends to fall over themselves in excitement, though some were a bit more invested because we'd asked them for advice along the way. I didn't make any sort of grand announcement about it in any of the group chats either - just ad hoc casual mentions which people politely said congrats to. I don't think anyone asked for photos and I didn't offer!

I absolutely wouldn't have expected friends who were still renting to be overly excited. Surely you realise how getting on to the housing ladder can seem totally out of reach - it did for us at one point - and might make them feel sad about their own situation.

Everyone came to the housewarming though, that was brilliant. We were drowning in fizz.

Also frankly the house-buying process is such hell that by the time you finally reach the end of it the overwhelming emotion is relief, not excitement.

I would be interested. But you shouldn't take it as an insult if all your friends aren't. To some folk somebody else's house just isn't really anything they'd be interested in. But I agree that good manners would suggest something like glad to see you are settled in your new house.

This is exactly why you have a partner!
To have someone who is just as excited as you are, because it’s also happening to them.
Just as all the wedding / baby hype, exciting to those it’s happening, to everyone else world still spins the same way.

maybe you are making them feel awkward, particularly if they live in a rented property.