Feeling a bit sad that 2 of my best friends don’t care we just bought our first home

[Seekingchange]

Took us a decade to save towards a deposit but we finally made it and recently moved to our new, modest home.
I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home, never asked any questions when we were looking, only replied with a brief msg when we said our offer was accepted and din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.
AIBU to expect my closest friends to show some interest in such a major life event?

We share a lot every day about relationships, friendships, family issues etc so I would assume buying a first home is not a small event and at least a bit of interest could be showned, based on the type of closeness and dynamics we have in our group

I had the exact same earlier this year with someone who I considered a very close friend. Think bridesmaid close. She barely even acknowledged that we managed to buy after saving for over 5 years with zero family support, and would very swiftly change the subject, or just blatantly ignore it, on the few occasions I brought anything house purchase related.

It got to the point where I never even bothered to share when we exchanged or completed because I knew she would just brush it off and complain about something in her life.

Bare in mind she'd bought a few years ago, with support of her family.

It definitely opened my eyes to a lot of her behaviour and how dismissive she was about all her friends big life events and now I hold her and our friendship to different expectations.

Friends can be strange! My closest friend didn't invite me to her new home for nearly two years, although I was longing to see it.
They don't seem to be the sort of friends who are interested in that aspect of life, or could they possibly be envious?

Yeah I was wondering this too but didn't want to say. I am wondering if the OP has gone on about it a bit to people (even though she says she hasn't) and has come across as crowing and bragging and being a bit full of herself?

OP said she has barely spoken about it when I asked if she could have been boring people with it, but then said she's told all these people and no-one cares. So which is it @Seekingchange ???

Being salty and irked because people haven't been showering her with lots of compliments and attention, for doing something that 1000s of people do every day is a bit odd IMO. As numerous posters have said, very few people are going to be excited about someone ELSE buying a house. They literally don't care.

And maybe some of the people who are still renting, feel she is rubbing their nose in it, that she has got on the property ladder and they haven't. Taking 10 years to save for a deposit is a heck of a long time though. I bet they're wondering why the OP took so long to save for a deposit!

.

Perhaps your friends who are abroad live in countries where home ownership isn’t such an all-consuming obsession as it is in the U.K. and thus it hasn’t really registered that this is a big deal for you.

I have to admit I’ve never considered buying a house a “major life event” and would have no idea when any of my close friends bought their houses. Some might still be renting for all I know.

You’re being really precious about this sorry. It’s insensitive to expect renters to swoon over a friend’s house purchase. What are you even expecting them to say?

I don't think I'd be bothered about it - when we moved into our house I don't remember any of our friends asking for photos or making a fuss. Life is busy and we've all got a lot going on. If they rent, they probably move house relatively frequently? Maybe they just don't think it's a big deal?

Yeah this. And also, as I already asked the OP, why does she think they have not been swooning over your new house?

Home ownership may not mean a great deal to other people. I get it as I am also a homeowner in London and we bought in our 20s after scrimping and saving so it felt like a big deal to me. But to dh's siblings who rented and live abroad (they now live with their in laws abroad), where you live isn't as important as other things for example weddings and having a baby. Dh's sister must have spent 30k on her wedding with contributions from family, her MIL was happy to pay for a really expensive henna ceremony complete with outfits for the guests and dancing and music and a huge buffet and disco lights (looked like something out of Arabian nights) but said she can't afford to help them out with deposit . Dh's sister rented then moved back with in-laws, daughter in tow. So for her, I think life events and children are more note worthy events. I recently got pregnant and I have never seen them so excited..

OP, ignore some of these replies. Of course it is normal for good friends to show an interest in a major life event like a house purchase. Anyone suggesting otherwise frankly probably has questionable social skills.
Why your friends are not showing any interest or enthusiasm can only be guessed at. They could be jealous perhaps.

I don't know how you all find the time to share the minutiae of your lives daily on a whats app group with people whom you are living in a different country from. You can hardly support and see each other in person anymore. Are you sure people are even reading posts daily? It sounds like a big dear diary,,,

You don't see them f2f it's just words on a screen. So emotion is absent in many ways.

Yes it's big for you but not for your screen friends. What about your real life in person friends?:)

Are they homeowners?

Before I bought a house I had no idea what a big deal it was, and took very little interest when friends bought houses. I’d react very differently now and am a bit mortified at how uninterested I was.

Agree with the above poster, it's definitely normal for friends to show an interest in something as big as a house purchase, and I'd be deflated if they didn't

I’ll be honest OP I love my friends but I don’t care about the houses they buy. I’d probably ask for a link to the estate agent page and make approving noises but that’s it

Actually I agree with this as well. I'm mortified at how little interest I paid people's newborns now I have my own kids

They haven't bought a house.

You have.

They are probably a bit jealous of you, and sad that they don't own a property. They might find it hard to celebrate and make a fuss of you. Just let them be. I'm sure you have lots of things to do in the new property.

I think that’s possibly a good point. Many other cultures don’t have the same obsession with property ownership, and have secure longterm tenancies etc. And the concept of ‘getting on the property ladder’ in the sense of it being something you’re supposed to climb is quite an alien one to many places.

And my apartment-dwelling Parisian friends are honestly baffled why anyone would want a house rather than an apartment — to them being solely responsible for external maintenance, garden etc is unnecessary faff.

When I bought I didn't expect friends who hadnt bought yet to be excited for me and I tried not to rub it in their faces. It can be a really sensitive time if buying still feels out of reach

Probably repeating what others have said but are you serious that you only speak to your "closest friends" via a WhatsApp group? Not even direct messaging or phone calls? If so, I am not surprised that they are not super interested in your house. They're not that close a friends.

I really find this kind of thing exhausting and tiresome.

Do you think they are generally good friends? Are they interested in you and your life usually? Do you feel that the friendship is normally evenly balanced, with both sides making roughly equal effort and investment in the relationship? If so, it seems very unlikely that they're trying to snub you and more plausible that it just doesn't occur to them to make a big deal of it.

I swear people didn't used to be like this; constantly looking for offense where none was intended.

"... they haven’t bought a house. They live abroad and rent."

In many counties it is more normal to rent so they may not see it as the bog step it is.

Of course you should expect your close friends to show an interest in a major life event.

is there something else going on here? Are they resentful that you’ve managed to get on the property ladder? Do they approve of your partner?

Congratulations on your new home, OP. I hope you’ll be very happy there. It is a big deal, though probably not to your friends in countries where renting is the norm.

Have lots of fun with the decorating and furnishing. And remember there’s a Homes and Gardens section on Mumsnet, where you’re sure to find interested people to chat with.

Spot on!

Perhaps you are all outgrowing each other. Different lives, different paths and different ambitions? Perhaps they think buying a house is no deal. Are they travelling a great deal and having new experiences abroad? Distance will impact on people's interactions.