Feeling a bit sad that 2 of my best friends don’t care we just bought our first home

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Took us a decade to save towards a deposit but we finally made it and recently moved to our new, modest home.
I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home, never asked any questions when we were looking, only replied with a brief msg when we said our offer was accepted and din’t even once bother asking to see a pic or a question about where the house is, what does it look like etc.
AIBU to expect my closest friends to show some interest in such a major life event?

If they have never bought a home of their own and only rented they may not appreciate that it is a big deal, if they rent and have no ambition for home ownership it may not register as important to them. If you are the first to own they may feel it changes the dynamic in some way, if they rent and would like to buy but cannot as yet there maybe some envy/resentment. The only way to know for sure is to ask them why they are being like this

I've got family members in other countries and when they moved abroad they were surprised by how little it matters about home ownership, I think some countries prefer renting to buying. So I do agree with other PP's that it could be this.

I don't think you can put buying a home along side relationships and babies etc.

If you saw them regularly they probably would show interest (unless you went on and on about it, they might switch off at that), want to visit, give you a housewarming card and gift, etc. However, to people you don't see, with whom you just communicate online, it is less important than other things. No doubt most people buy first houses, move house or whatever, all the time amongst their acquaintance, it is not such a big deal. Don't read too much into it, I wouldn't expect it.

I honestly don't see what you really expected from this WhatsApp group of your friends. You said even those two made a general remark once you made an offer etc. Did you expect each of them to comment on every step of your process and ask tons of questions? We all know how these groups are - if one person said something , another may just leave an emoji and yet another will just assume 'nuff said on the matter and won't comment. You really can't expect the conversation in the group to evolve around your house all the time, can you? It sounds like chat about random stuff there. Do you have close relationships with each of these friends separately, eg do you chat with them individually, genuinely care about their life events and go deeper? Why don't you nurture those individually instead of a group chit chat?

If they haven't experienced it then they aren't going to really get it.

If your friendship is otherwise good, let it go. Different people have different experiences at different times. I found it hard to be interested in my friends' babies when I didn't have any of my own and didn't have any desire to have one. Nights out where the conversation revolved around the contents of nappies bored me to tears.

Seriously this thread is peak MN where way more people than normal have no friends and don’t want people to visit or often don’t even want to leave their house.

Meanwhile out in the real world of course it’s normal for good friends to take an interest in and be excited for major life events, including buying a first house. I recently bought a house, not my first, and my close friends were excited and wanted to see photos, I am the same when my friends are buying. Not unreasonable to be disappointed, but not much you can do about it if they’re otherwise good friends.

Congats on the house purchase OP.

I have a few really close friends (some of them live abroad) and we are in contact almost daily in a whatsapp group amd always talk about everything. However, teo of them have showed basically zero interest in our new home

So two of them didn't, but how many did?

How many friends are in the group?

I find it odd they're not remotely interested. I'm always curious about people's new homes, want to see photos, check out the location on google maps etc. It doesn't matter whether they've bought it or are renting. Maybe its just me and I'm unusually nosey.

I don't think it's the same as having a baby because babies are all consuming and new parents haven't got the time to think about anything else. If you haven't had a child yourself that can be difficult to relate to but moving house is different because we all live somewhere and have all had the experience of moving somewhere new.

They might not see it as such a big deal if a) they live in places where property ownership isn't seen as the huge thing it is in the UK and they've adapted to that, and b) you've not mentioned it much yourself. If you want to chat to them about it, maybe say how excited you are and send the photos rather than wait for them to ask!

I've had friends who found house buying stressful and were constantly having to update family on the process so they were glad of a subject change, I followed their cue and didn't ask. Or maybe they're juggling other stuff you don't know about.

Close friends tend to care what's going on in their friends' lives

That's why you're close friends not acquaintances

I have to say, from reading the responses, many people seem to be entirely self-centred, shit friends.

I think that’s because you’ve built it up into a big thing for you - because it was. I don’t think everyone shares that sentiment. Not everyone sees it as a ‘life event’ to be celebrated by a large group. For some it might be a right of passage, maybe they take it as a given you’ll have a ‘home’, maybe others think home ownership is a bad idea for many reasons. You see it as an achievement of sorts because of how hard you had to work for it and your own personal values. Everyone has different versions of those two things so I do think you are making a fuss unreasonably yes tbh.

Not everyone is going to be as excited as you happy for you but not excited.
Im the same as your friends im afraid im happy for them but im not going to get excited and have constant chats about it same goes for them having or had babies.
Pleased for you but i really dont want the constant jabbing about it.

I’m not sure if anyone was very interested in my house when I bought it, I can’t even remember if anyone asked to see a picture! It wasn’t something that bothered me.
I do show interest when a friend buys a house but I am genuinely interested in houses like to look at Right Move even though I’m not moving.
I would personally forget about it. The house is for you and not anyone else.

If they're your close friends then yes, I would expect a few questions and a "Congrats!" If they rent, you probably can't expect more more, but it's part of friendship to be interested in significant events in their lives, even if you don't rate their partner/don't find their baby's endless babbling cute/aren't interested in their holiday. Feigning enough interest not to hurt their feelings is part of being their friend, imo. So YANBU in my opinion.

I agree. I've experienced some of this behaviour and had friends experience it from their friends too. People are selfish. And don't get me started on the self-centredness when your immediate family member is fatally ill or has died. That's a whole new level. I think there's less community these days, thanks to the internet - i.e. social media, thousands of things to stream on TV, web-surfing etc - and where there's less community, there's more focus on self.

One of life’s major events and apparently you are being unreasonable to expect a smidgen of interest from your closest friends, typical Mumsnet.

I only spoke about buying a home with my friends who already owned a home, and I didn't speak about it that much, TBH. I'm very careful not to talk about home ownership things with the friends of mine who I know don't own, especially when the reason is that they can't afford it. It's a really contentious issue here in London.

It's a big life event, but it's typically not one that makes your life worse, so it's not one where I would expect my friends to put their own feelings aside and support me.

I'm sure plenty of people assume I've bought with family money and I'm sure plenty of people are at least a tiny bit jealous. Honestly, if our finances were reversed, I'm sure I'd feel a little bit like that too. But I've made huge sacrifices that most people don't realise, and it wouldn't make them feel better if I explained. And on top of those sacrifices, there is also some privilege, and that definitely wouldn't make people feel better either. I like my friends. I don't want to make them feel bad!

If a friend who didn't own asked me things outright, I would tell them. But I think it would be incredibly insensitive to bring up this sort of thing unprompted. Instead, I sympathise with them, and I trade funny/frustrating stories from when I was renting.

Talking about home ownership is like talking about religion. You just don't, unless you're very sure the other person shares the same circumstances as you.

If renting is the norm where they live abroad then it probably hasn't crossed their mind that it's an event.

For what it's worth I would have asked though because I am nosey and love a bit of house porn

Show us the link if you want

I am in London and never thought owning a flat was something people were envious about tbh. Which is what most London ftbs own..I mean I don't have the usual leasehold or cladding issues as my flat's freehold is owned by the residents, my dh is a director of the rmc, 1930s block etc but people don't know that about my flat..plus flat values have been stagnant for 7 years.

I don't actually think it's super enviable, the main thing I get out of Home ownership is stability (not having to move) which I get is a big thing . But a council tenant gets the same thing too. I have to pay a lot of mortgage interest to the bank and tie up my savings in an illiquid asset that is the roof over my head (and I would always need a roof) because the government doesn't invest in social housing..sure I am not saying I am worse off than private renters but truly is it an ideal situation? Not really it's just something i don't have much choice over because there is a housing crisis.

My mortgage is 1282 for a 2 bed flat but I do have 150k of illiquid capital tied up in the property (so that kinda cancels it out). I knew I would probably lose money when I bought but thought it worth it for the stability(plus at that time was moving from inlaws home and it was actually easier to buy than to rent at that time post brexit as few people wanted to buy period flats not on a help to buy scheme) but honestly I am not much better off than a council tenant in terms of the benefits I get from Home ownership (and a london flat owner in a new build flat is much worse off). And I didn't want to move outside London and pay 8k in season tickets for both of us.

What I guess was privileged was I managed to buy my flat at 26 with our savings but now we are 32 and 34, I don't think it's that big of a deal anymore

I can understand why people would be envious of those millenials who buy houses with help from bank of mum and dad as many london houses are near the million pound mark so for a 30 year old that's quite a bit of capital but why would you be envious of someone with a 400k to 500k flat (with a mortgage)?

A lot of other countries think our obsession with home ownership when we can't really afford it is ridiculous. Maybe they've adopted those views. There's a German comedian who has a whole bit about us and wanting to own our castles

Why on earth wouldn’t you show interest on a what’s app group? 5 of us in our friendship group all live in different areas of the country so seeing each other face to face is rare, we share everything in the group

It's like when someone has their first child it means the world to the parents but other people tend to just get on with their lives? People send their congratulations a card maybe then unless there close family that's it.

I wouldn't wait to be asked. My friends and I would just send each other the pics.

I’d definitely be asking my closest friends for photos / details and sharing in their joy. Isn’t that what friends do? I might not always care what the thing is, but I show interest regardless as i’m a good friend.