To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

[Grealish]

DD is 10 almost 11 and in 5th class. They do secret Santa every year, and they pulled the names last week. The budget is €5-10 and they don’t do cards or presents for teacher etc as teacher is included.

On Monday I got a text from one of the other mams saying that her DS got my DDs name for secret Santa, simply saying they won’t be buying a gift as they don’t believe in this kind of thing. I wasn’t too bothered at first, as it seemed like an easy fix- whoever had her DS could just swap and have my DD instead.

I was speaking to her teacher yesterday about a separate thing and just mentioned the secret Santa issue, she said it’d be too late to start all over again because some people have already bought gifts - but that it should be easy to just swap the two around. But today I got a message from the mam (she was lovely about it) who had the other child and said they’d already bought him a present. She told me what it was and said DD was welcome to it, but it is quite specific to the boy and I know she wouldn’t enjoy it.

I’m not really one to make a fuss about things like this, and part of me just wants to ignore it, she’ll get loads of lovely presents over the Christmas, a €5 gift won’t make or break her Christmas. On the other hand I hate to think of everyone being excited opening their presents and her not having anything to open/opening a gift meant for someone else.

Would it be too much to secretly buy her a gift and give it to the teacher to give out as part of the secret Santa?

I think that would be the perfect solution. It would be really unfair for your daughter not to get anything.

I would buy the present and give it to the teacher, that’s a great idea. She’ll feel really sad if she’s left out on the day the hand out the presents.

YANBU. it would be really awful for your DD to be the only one not getting a present. And that mum is a bit shitty for not joining in unless there is some hardship going on - in which case the school is being entirely insensitive organising it in the first place.

Yes buy her a gift. She shouldn't miss out just because another child is.

Has she told the person who pulled the sons name out? I bet she's a CF and her son will take a gift still though.

100% buy your daughter a gift for it.

I would suggest to the school that they use an opt in system, rather than assuming everyone can, or will get involved.

I certainly wouldn't have a spare tenner to buy a random kid something at that time of year.

Your suggestion of buying your dd something is perfect.

100% buy a gift yourself and give it to the teacher. Problem solved. And a happy DD who feels included.

Why on earth didn't the DS say they don't believe in secret santa

This is why I hate secret Santa

Yeah I'd do that and I'd get something really nice, that mother should have told the school they don't celebrate, they're quick enough to pull the kids out off mass and RE .

Did your daughter pull a boys name from the hat? If so, just ask the other mum to put his name on it and you buy your daughter a gift (secretly). That way your not out of pocket and the only one missing out will be the child who’s parents wish for him not to participate.

We had a manager who was keen on this kind of thing. But I and another colleague both bought gifts to find the other two hadn't. So we both swapped the ones we had bought which caused an issue as it meant tgexpeoplewr were to have bought for had nothing. The following year it was done differently. I suggested we bought a ticket to get a prize, so we spent the money on prizes and raised money for a charity. I got a?bottle of prosecco whilst one of the staff had whisky. I can understand the parent not agreeing with it but it seems that this proves it needs to be discontinued or tge teachers to fund the presents

I would buy a gift I know she would love

Secret fucking Santa. It's forced entertainment and the cause of a lot of grief. £10 is a lot of money to some people, especially for some kid or colleague that means basically nothing to you. I just think it's wrong on so many levels, including tat for landfill.

These things are rubbish , usually administered by someone fairly inexperienced, who hasn't got the foresight to see how it can easily go wrong. There will always be someone who doesn't participate, either for financial or more selfish reasons, and unless the organiser has spare presents to cover this eventuality, someone will be left without a present.
Speak to the teacher, ask what their plan is, and send DD in with an extra present wrapped, of something she will like, with instructions to open it if she gets left out. If you have the budget, you could even send her in with a few extra pressies, as there'll be more than one person who did't contribute.

I think that’s a perfect solution, but I would like think that the boys present isn’t given to him, as spiteful as that sounds it’s not the child’s fault really.

It’s €5….roughly £4.

YANBU

And it is super shit of the mum to say her son won't be buying a gift for anyone while not at the same time telling the teacher to remove him from the receiving side of things as well.

Because she hasn't and you can't make her at this point, I think you tell the mum/teacher that yes, you will accept the gift that's already been purchased and it will be donated to an appropriate charity. Send in a little something yourself for her so she gets something on the day.

Definitely unfair that the boy will be getting a gift from someone else but won’t be buying one! If I was the other mum I’d probably return it, the whole idea is that you give to receive

It's rubbish. If I were the teacher I would have forseen this and got a few gifts to compensate for those who haven't brought in a gift.

No not DD either. This should have been an opt in by the school. There may be families where even £4 is too much and it might be more if they have children in different years.

When i worked at TGi Fridays they did a secret Santa and used to do a whole store staff breakfast where the secret Santa pressies were handed out and opened. i bought mine for my person , but come to opening time i was the only person who didnt get one god knows why but it hurt especially knowing the person who should have got mine was sitting in the restaurant never did find out who it was

Yes absolutely buy her a gift.

The alternative is awful.

Well done you for taking others decisions on the chin and finding a suitable solution.

Interesting that the mum who doesn't believe in that sort of thing isn't likely to turn her ds present down and have him go without.

Its a bummer, OP . We have a SS at work but we put our names on a list and tick the amount we would be happy to spend, this year the consensus is £15 apparently. I don't take part. The teacher should have sent a message to all parents asking for permission for their child to take part.

Because his mum probably hadn’t told him he doesn’t believe in it