To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

[Grealish]

DD is 10 almost 11 and in 5th class. They do secret Santa every year, and they pulled the names last week. The budget is €5-10 and they don’t do cards or presents for teacher etc as teacher is included.

On Monday I got a text from one of the other mams saying that her DS got my DDs name for secret Santa, simply saying they won’t be buying a gift as they don’t believe in this kind of thing. I wasn’t too bothered at first, as it seemed like an easy fix- whoever had her DS could just swap and have my DD instead.

I was speaking to her teacher yesterday about a separate thing and just mentioned the secret Santa issue, she said it’d be too late to start all over again because some people have already bought gifts - but that it should be easy to just swap the two around. But today I got a message from the mam (she was lovely about it) who had the other child and said they’d already bought him a present. She told me what it was and said DD was welcome to it, but it is quite specific to the boy and I know she wouldn’t enjoy it.

I’m not really one to make a fuss about things like this, and part of me just wants to ignore it, she’ll get loads of lovely presents over the Christmas, a €5 gift won’t make or break her Christmas. On the other hand I hate to think of everyone being excited opening their presents and her not having anything to open/opening a gift meant for someone else.

Would it be too much to secretly buy her a gift and give it to the teacher to give out as part of the secret Santa?

who is ‘they?’

I am surprised a school in encouraging this, especially without consulting parents. Lots of families may not want to take part in this, and while the amount is low, for some people it is still an unnecessary cost. I would be talking to the school about stopping this in the future. At least you are aware your daughter won't be getting a gift so can provide something, but I wonder if there are others in the class who might also end up empty handed if other children don't bring in something. (Unless the teacher is prepared for this and has a supply of multiple gifts).

Can't stand secret santa, there is always someone not happy guaranteed. I have opted out of our office one for a long time and this year our team one has quietly died a death after the politics last year!

Yes, secretly buy her a gift this year but I am astounded that a Secret Santa is being instigated at a bloody school! FFS, isn't there enough pressure on families without having to fork out for a gift for a random person??

I would buy your DD an amazing gift totally ignoring the budgetary restriction.

At our school they did secret Santa book swap. After the first year seeing a little girl in tears because her gift giver was off sick that day, I used to buy an extra gender neutral book and send it in with my DD to give to the teacher - so that she could use it for anyone who was missing a gift or just keep it for her classroom if not needed.

I always dread secret santa. Never opt out though as I'd look like the only meanie in the village. So many times I've bought carefully considered gifts for my allocated individual and received something very generic like a chocolate orange, cheap candle or a shopping bag. Twice I got earrings which were very nice but unfortunately the giver had not noticed I did not have pierced ears (I suppose that's fairly unusual though).

Old boss was the worst as she'd always forget. Every year she would be given the chance to opt out. No no, she wanted to "join in the fun" then the deadline would pass despite prompts and she'd bad temperedly throw a tenner at her secretary or just ask her to go and get a present for her (which she'd forget to pay back) and recipient would end up with whatever Tesco Express or Boots had available. She always enjoyed receiving a gift though, apart from one year when she got a mug that said "What I need is more money and time and less shit from you people" which was exactly the sort of thing she would say. She did NOT find it funny. Cathy if you are reading this, it was from me

What a shit situation all round.

Buy a present for DD and give it to the teacher.

I don't think it said the boy should be the only one not to get a present because his mum doesn't want to take part.

A kids class secret Santa sounds like it was destined to be a disaster from the start. What a terrible idea from whoever started it off !

I don't think the school should be requiring people to spend £5 at a really expensive time of year. So I don't think the mum did anything wrong but I would probably just by my child a gift. Maybe feedback to the teacher that it isn't the best idea for future years.

I'd buy a present for the DD, and to be honest, at <£5, I'd be tempted to hand in a few extra "spares", (maybe instead of doing a present for the teacher this year). I bet that mum will not be the only one and at least she had the decency to let you know. What a daft idea for 10yos.

That other mum is garbage. She didn’t even need to spend £5 … could have gotten Xmas thing sg Poundland, sweets, small thing.

Wonder if she will announce next year to take her child out in ADVANCE … or does she enjoy being thieving Scrooge !

I think that's a perfect solution OP

I think it's a good idea to buy your DD a present to be given out. However, I'd be extremely pissed off that the child not participating will willing accept a present from someone else - his parents should have told the teacher long before names were drawn, especially as this is an annual event.

That girl should have handed her gift over to your DD.

I would definitely buy my DD a secret Santa gift for a fiver.. I would be irritated but would try not to be irritated (for my own sake and who knows what the other mum is going through I guess) with the other mum for not pulling out earlier.

I think the mum did something wrong when she said, after names were given out, that she simply ... won’t be buying a gift as they don’t believe in this kind of thing.
Funny enough she believed in it when her son's name was in the hat 🤔

I think you have a good solution, do that.

pretty embarrassing of the boys mother, but not something you can insist on. She should have told the teacher ahead of time.

This

and tbh I would be speaking to the other mother telling her that next year she speaks to the teacher beforehand so no other child is left out because she doesn’t want her child to take part

and having just seen a post I would ask the teacher to remove that child’s gift on the premise that his mother has said they don’t believe in it.

No she isn't. If it's not something they believe then it's totally valid to not participate.

The teachers should have checked with parents beforehand.

That parent who doesn’t believe in secret Santa is a massive CF. I bet she accepts the sons gift 🙄

Sorry just to clarify- she absolutely does believe in Christmas. It’s just secret Santa she doesn’t believe in.

... this year.... for your daughter.
😠

I was going to suggest you buy something and give it in. Really miserable and inconsiderate bordering on cruel behaviour from the other parent. How would her son feel?

Most offices do secret samta. I can remember vividly one year everyone gathered and gifts were handed out and there wasn’t one for me, I felt so embarrassed and I would’ve been about 28 at the time!

Wow. You don't sound any better yourself.
You've just assumed someone is a CF when you know nothing about them.

Correction: it’s giving Secret Santa gifts that she doesn’t believe in. She’s perfectly happy to receive them.