To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

They need to find a dog sitter or kennels or one of them stays at home with the dog.

Of course yanbu. Does your husband want to see your animals killed?

Why is your husband against it? Is he not fond of your existing animals? Sounds like a reasonable request since the dog is known to kill smaller animals regularly?

Absolutely not. If the dog is really that bad I am surprised they are even considering taking it to yours. Sounds like they have their head in the sand re dog's behaviour.

Stand your ground.

Bil is a nob and so is your oh for siding with him. What exactly is his plan for his dog when he gets to yours? Does he expect his dog to have the run of your house while you lock yours away to stop them being mauled?

It would be unfair on all the animals involved.

You have done more than your share by hosting the past 17 years.

Is it too late to find somewhere between all three houses where you can meet for Christmas dinner? Our family had to find somewhere at the last minute because the restaurant we had booked into decided they weren't going to do Christmas Dinner in mid-November. We ended up in a Miller and Carter. The staff really made an effort, it was nicely decorated, and the meal was absolutely fine and it gave DSIL a break from cooking for all of us.

Is your husband mad?

DH has been nagged at a lot by BIL and SIL. He's ended up suggesting we try to put our dog in kennels! Apparently it would be fine if we shut our kittens in a bedroom upstairs and just don't let the dog into the garden with the ducks!

I am very much the baddie in this. DH is trying to keep the peace and not upset BIL/SIL too much.

I have an unexpectedly large rescue dog I adore (albeit no prey drive) and despite that I totally agree with you. I would never expect anyone to welcome my hairy wonder, she is special to me but that accept not everyone would want her in their home. Big dogs take up a lot of space before you even factor in the other issues.

Just seen your update - a bit speechless!

Wow, your husband is spineless, isn't he? Just keep saying no.

DH thinks it's OK to put his dog in kennels but not for BIL to put theirs in?
I honestly have no idea what to suggest. Batshit

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family.

Well if he feels this way about pets, I'm sure he can understand that you don't want a member of his family killing a member of yours. Wanker.

Wow. So it's all about not upsetting your bil and sol but nothing about your feelings? The sane one.

If this dog comes to your house it will end badly. The bil will not watch him and the damage will be irreparable. Not to mention distressing.

Hold firm. Say no. Over and over.

So your husband would rather upset you and your household rather than his brother an sil. I see. I still would be annoyed with them for even considering this is a good idea and would be stand my ground. It's incredibly rude of them to railroad your feelings.

Yeah that update is outrageous that not only do you incur the cost of hosting you’ve now to add kennelling fees to your total?!

Doors are left open all the time so to chance that with kittens in the house is insanity. Not to mention the dog will immediately sense them in the house and probably be going ballistic the entire time trying to get at then. Shredded kittens and ducks over Christmas dinner, how festive for the family!

BiL and SiL and CF for even thinking this is a solution. Their dog is the problem. I'd tell them to stay at home this Xmas cook their own turkey and walk their dog. You have done more than your fair share, cooking for them for 17 years. Absolutely do not let their wild untrained dog terrorise your kittens and small dog or kill your duck. Your home is your pets safe place. I'd be furious if my DH supported the crap coming from in-laws. If he continued I'd tell him to go and spend Xmas with in-laws.

You have not ruined christmas, he's a chheky sod and manipulating you into risking your home, your pets and your xmas because of the crazy dog.

Stand your ground, its your home, your rules. If I was in your situation it would be no dog full stop. He has said the dog is a member of the family, he's more related to the dog than he thinks becaue he is behaving like one.

*cheeky

Good grief!
Sounds like a good opportunity to change things up a bit. Let them spend Christmas at home with their big hairy dog if that's so important to them. Don't back down OP!

Your DH sounds completely fucking wet. Is he scared of his brother or something? No way would I let that rabid dog into my house.

When you’re invited for Christmas lunch at someone’s house that invite definitely does not automatically extend to a pet. It’s bizarre they even assumed that the dog could come.

Christ.

Send your DH to BiL’s house and you stay home and have a quiet Christmas with your pets.

I’d be done with the lot of them.

Also, if this dog smells your pets and goes ballistic it may well bite one of you instead.

Yeah, fuck no. Not sure why you're even wondering

Members of the Family.