To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

I rather got the impression OP's DH was in a strop with his brother for suggesting such a stupid idea and springing it on them so late in the day, not stroppy at OP for saying no!

I give up

Why can't BIL wonder about cooking the turkey?

It's a little depressing how you think the woman is responsible for the neal.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sorry you’re depressed about the fact that BIL can’t cook. It must be hard to take on the woes of others like that.

Most people wouldn’t expect to take a dog to another house in those circumstances. Of course there’s driving in the dark. That’s why cars have headlights and roads have street lights and cats eyes. Most people will drive in the dark. You should have seen the roads the Christmas Eve I drove back. It was dark all the way home and I swear the SE corner of our island must have risen in the sea with losing the weight of all the traffic heading north . It only eased from tailbacks to a steady stream after Manchester.

It would never even cross my mind that people would expect to bring their dogs to my home. I don't think I'm unusual in that regard.

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo "I do bear some responsibility for not even thinking about it. Everyone just assumed they were coming here as always (which is fine albeit a lot of work) and I just assumed they would use kennels. I didn't dream that they would think it was ok to bring their dog."

Ask them to host this year and say you'll put your own pets in kennels. They won't want the work and you'll get the benefit of looking like the reasonable one without actually having to go to that expense etc.

I regularly drive in the dark, but I don't enjoy it. I find car headlights too dazzlingly bright these days. Besides, I imagine a three hour drive won't have streetlights all the way.

@twogreentrees I'm sorry that this is all happening and causing stress. Loved your update with the ease of reference! Glad your DH is being supportive - I imagine some of his grumpy is aimed at his brother for not just sorting the damn dog out!
I have 2 dogs, 1 is a right handful and can be reactive to other dogs, although we are working hard on training her and she IS improving every day. That said, if my SIL (who also has 2 dogs) invited us to stay with her, I would either say no, or make arrangements for a sitter for the handful dog.
BIL and SIL really need to accept that when you take on a dog like that, it comes with some major changes to your life, and you can't expect other people to accommodate your choice. If they aren't already, they really need to engage a qualified dog trainer and behaviourist, or the dog will continue to get more antisocial. They will also find that many UK rescues will not take a dog with known reactivity towards other dogs.

A suggestion for you to pass onto DH or BIL, I highly recommend Rover - it's a dog sitting app. It can be cheaper than kennels and people are often available at shorter notice. I've used for both our dogs this year, and the sitter we had was amazing!
I hope they manage to find a solution, and I hope you have a lovely peaceful Christmas with or without them.

And then OP goes on to say:

I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel.

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo I'm not sure what your point is. Obviously at some point OP has let them know that the dog cannot attend, otherwise this thread would not exist.

My point was that I was surprised she didn't think about this sooner, which is something OP has acknowledged herself.

Uninvited them. Job done. Why should your Xmas be ruined? Don't be bullied you are completely in the right 👍

It’ll be a lot worse for family relations if the dog kills your kittens in front of everyone.

‘DH is trying to keep the peace and not upset BIL/SIL too much.’

What about your feelings and upsetting you?

You definitely aren't being unreasonable you have your own family and pets to consider.
They shouldn't have got such a dog if they expect to be welcome.
Tell them they are welcome but dog isn't

What! You have to put your dog in a kennel to accommodate theirs. NO NO NO.
They are being completely unreasonable. Time for a change at Christmas.

Absolutely no way should that dog enter your house. It's a dangerous dog. It should be nowhere near anyone but definitely not children and other animals.
You can make it clear to them that your responsibility as a parent and a pet owner precludes you having untrained aggressive animals in your aka their home. Their place of sanctuary.
You would be incredibly unreasonable and frankly reckless to accept that dog.

OP you took in those cats with the full responsibility to keep them safe. Having a dog terrifying and even killing them doesn't come anywhere near providing adequate care.

Our dog didn't get on with the in-laws dog for quite a long time until he grew up and calmed down as he got older. Plus zoomies on the in-laws grass didn't go down well.
We either put him in kennels or one of us stayed at home with him.
Your DH needs to realise who he needs to be on the side of!

Are you serious?? Surely you don't need advice on this? Its a no brainer, tell them too stay home, cheeky sods, put your dog in kennels so he's away from his family while their vicious dog takes his place! My husband would tell them too take a running jump fgs.. tell him too man up!

100% correct - OP does NOT need advice as she has already sorted it.

What I love about aibu is that at least 50% of posters can't actually read the ops posts.
To summarise OPS DH HASN'T MADE OP THE BAD GUY, HE HAS JUST TRIED TO FIND A SOLUTION THAT WILL APPEASE EVERYONE, HE CAN'T SO IS BACKING UP HIS WIFE, NONE OF THIS MAKES HIM A BAD PERSON.
Hope this is helpful for the hard if reading.

Time for a change maybe they could stay at home and just be with their children. Definitely would not allow them to bring an out of control pet to your home. Tell them to suck it up and you do your own thing.