AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

I'd rent my own place and not beholden to family.

It sounds like they need the money and they’re doing you a favour putting you up for a year. I would keep the peace and pay it.

If you agreed to stay with them for a year and pay them £100 per week, I don't think you should've gone back on that agreement to move out for 2 months, doing someone else a favour.

And it probably is a kick in the teeth that you told her how much you earn.

You need to pay your bills as is, and have a daily charge for checking the dog. It's ten minutes away, so you don't need to live there. But realistically, get your shit together and get your own place.

I think you either need to live there on her terms or move out. Living with family is very often a shit idea IME!

Beyond kind of your sister and her family to put you up for a year. Yes you sound a lovely helpful house guest. But hopefully the family bonds you build will last a long time.

The BIL family sounds a different matter. Perhaps your BIL needs to share the workload. Let him pay for vet bills and he can claim back from insurance or his parents.

So I actually never said yes to house slash dog sitting for my BIL’s family, they just assumed I’d love the break from their busy household and they ended up leaving it to the very last minute so couldn’t find someone for free. My BIL actually recommended me for it. It’s a bit of an awkward situation altogether.

I’ve actually viewed apartments and planned on moving out multiple times but they always convince me not to and use the whole “save for something better and bigger”. We never said a year set in stone but that I could stay for a year. However, I intend on moving out early next year (I am house and dog sitting for them while they’re away for two weeks in January so no point moving out to pay two rents yet) and they’re aware of the same. Everytime I view somewhere they reassure me there’s no pressure to leave! They also asked me my salary and I told them, I didn’t realize it was something to be taboo across immediate family as we often spoke about what we earned per/hr

What would be rent for. 1 bed apartment in your area plus bills?

Also what is your salary?

I think they are relying on your money. It makes no sense at all to expect you to cover your expenses when you aren’t actually there to incur any expenses. They are CF. Especially as they’re letting a friend stay in the room they want you to pay for.

You have been very naive, and still are naive. They're desperate for you to stay as long as possible because they're getting an extra £400 per month tax free for limited disruption and quite a few perks from the sound of things.

Unfortunately money sours an awful lot of relationships, I've had similar with my SIL and jealousy over income discrepancies. There's no reasoning with them. Learn your lesson and keep your mouth shut next time.

With regards to moving out, you need to arrange everything and tell them you're moving when it's a done deal so that they can't "persuade" you to stay again.

Are you supposed to be saving for a deposit to buy property? Because if so, how far off your goal are you? It might be worth sucking it up for a few months more to get on the ladder.

You have said yes.

Make plans to move out and if they try to change your mind, tell them that ‘I just can’t afford to stay with you any longer’.

Once they overcome their horror you can say ‘I can’t afford to pay for my own transport and meals etc while also paying rent to you. And as much as I love spending time with the kids/takeaways at home with you/etc it means I just don’t have the time to work extra hours/start a side hustle/take steps to save further money.’

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either!

Your mum is right. And any arrangement you have with your BIL’s family is separate to that with your sister.

They are expecting you to pay a retainer to keep the room open, which is reasonable. Will you be storing stuff there whilst house sitting? If you are, you should expect to continue paying.

The word “No” exists. You chose not to use it.

But it's free for his parents & gives them a bit of a break. She's still helping them out with their kids & doing a favour for his parents.. she definitely shouldn't be paying them as well. Might be a bit different if it wasn't for his parents. Or they could pay her the going dog sitting rate & she could afford to pay her duster as well.

@freebirdblue no expecting money from you when it's costing you money to his parents a favour is unreasonable, massively so. When my god daughter stays with me (for a few months at a time she doesn't pay anything) now she's getting older (early 30's) and has earnt good money/saved a lot I'd accept a small contribution (towards heating & food) but only if she offered and certainly not if she wasn't here for a couple of months. If she was out of pocket looking after my mums animals I'd certainly let my mum know and wouldn't expect someone else to pay pet expenses up front.

you need to stick up for yourself & point out it's not costing them anything to not have you & it's costing you money doing his parents a favour! Plus all the babysitting you're doing, even while not living there!!

I think it's reasonable for them to expect the money as the agreement was £100/month for a year. It's a very good deal, especially as it includes dinner.
However, you could have offset the cost whilst not there by asking BiL to cover the £100/month whilst you are at theirs doing them a huge favour and saving them a load of money. As a minimum, they should be covering your food as IMO it is one thing to agree to do it for free, but quite another to be in a financially worse position as a result.

Are you storing stuff there? What are the rates in the area for renting a room? How often do you do unpaid babysitting?

Honestly it doesn’t sound like you should be paying them anything when you are not there. To be honest it sounds a bit like you are an aupair but paying for the joy of it! If you only babysit on the rare occasion and have a room of your stuff in their house my answer would be different.

Have you thought about getting a shared ownership house or something like that as a starter home?

Paying family a retainer to keep their spare room open 😂😂😂

It’s not open anyway - they are having a friend come to stay in the room OP is paying for.

I would be so embarrassed to be the CF sister.

They want money for nothing - they even offered OP for house sitting to get her out the house while still coining in all the cash.

Absolutely shameless money grabbing cheek.

Its £100/WEEK, not a month!

jesus your sister is tight . No, you shouldn’t have to pay .

Paying family a retainer to keep their spare room open 😂😂😂

Not sure why you find this so amusing. They could take in a lodger - plenty of people do. Why should this option be removed just because “It’s faaaaaaammmmleeeee!!”?

Hang on, your BIL is your sister's husband right? That's how I'm reading it but everyone seems to be replying as though you're swanning off to somewhere unrelated, not that it's your sister's in laws you're helping out?
If that's the case then they can't realistically expect you to be helping with their kids, and their parents and charging you when you're not even there. It seems a bit much to me. And a bit ridiculous that family would even expect that. They're treating you like some kind of personal servant.

BiL’s parents should be paying you.
You need to pay your sister, but because you are not using utilities/ food it should be less. Your sister isn’t keen to take half, so split the difference at 75