AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

The OP says £300 pw not pm but that doesn't align with my question that they live somewhere with a lower cost of living illustrated by them seeing her £35k salary is viewed as a lot, when in reality is a fairly normal graduate salary that MN would see as a pittance and with student loan repayments and high pension contributions she won't take home that much more than if she was on NMW.

But I now see that the sister works PT and the BIL is an apprentice, which could obviously be an investment in his career but it's a decision you'd question whether it was sensible/affordable at their stage of life.

Asking you what you earn set the wheels in motion for their epic piss take.

It really does not sound like a much older sister and her dh are helping out a younger sibling at all. This is a bit of a grift for them - even down to offering you up for some free dog/house sitting and selling you a dodgy car.

OP, in order to salvage a future relationship with your CF sister, I would find a place asap.

Fact they have now raised the 'rent' on you, tells you of their intentions, which wasn't to give you the chance to significantly save for a year, while settling in a new country.

Oh and the fact you earn more than them combined is their problem. Don't let them use you another day longer.

I'd tell his in-laws you can no longer do Jan, and move asap.

You have to make your own choice here. I don't think either side is unfair. Before this latest dog walking was expected. But it's cheeky treating you as general dogsbody for all the family. But your expenses are heavily subsidised. Rent, utilities food council tax. So weigh up the pros and cons. Are you saving money. Household bills need to be paid whether you are there or not.

£500 a week plus all the bills. Or living in a stranger's house/HMO for £300 a week, who she will still have to pay if she housesits or goes away for weeks, plus buy all her own food. Moving out is not the cheaper option.

I think once you've done the dog sitting, move to your own place. Start looking now. They are all taking advantage of you and taking the piss.

We don't know unless OK shares how much she is paying for her sister and BIL's Ubers, takeaways, date night contributions etc. Sis is demanding £600 from Jan. And even one or two takeaways and Ubers a week can add up to hundreds a month.

And OP will be independent in her own place and not have to live with people who use her like a service and offer her up for free dog sitting for 2 months whilst still expecting rent and sell her a dud car.

If you add up all the costs of the extras....free babysitting, takeaways, dog walking....they are getting a lot more than £100 per week. Add in the fact that they offered you for free house and pet sitting, I certainly feel that they are using you. You also say you are house and pet sitting for them after Christmas.

I think they are now used to the extra help and money and are being greedy. Move out ASAP and then be unavailable for dog walking and babysitting. Family should help each other, not take advantage .

You’re doing everyone a favour to be honest. They don’t want you to move out because from the sounds of it you’re an easy guest and provide free childcare. Even au pairs get paid an allowance to available in the afternoon after school for children, despite having free board.

I’ve had a sibling stay for 2 years for completely free - initially it was meant to be short term hence not charging but the living situation worked for all of us, so they stayed longer. We never charged even during the expensive winter months because the cost and pressure my sibling eased from the help with childcare alone was immeasurable in financial terms. It wasn’t regular childcare but once or twice a week after school, some evenings and occasionally a whole weekends so me and my husband could travel for work.

Personally, I wouldn’t pay bills to house sit- since your brother in law recommended you for the dog/ house sitting I’d ask him to sort it out the finances with his family. Tell your BIL that you’re happy to continue paying them the £100 but you can’t pay that as well as bills for house sitting you’re doing as a favour to his family because he asked you and you wanted to be helpful.

I think your decision to move out as soon as possible is the right one. It's getting too messy. Of course you should pay something whilst living there, a contribution to the bills, a bit of baby sitting and dog walking would have been more than enough for some people.

I am another one who thinks they are over relying on your money. And this will go on and on. As they feel entitled to it.

The first thing you need to do is keep your own council. Stop telling her things. You must regret telling her your income. Do not tell them if you are viewing places to rent/live so they can talk you out of it.

The second thing you can do is learn to say 'No'. What a cheek them volunteering you to house/dog for 2 months whilst charging you rent on the room. 'NO that doesn't work for me'. And for selling you a dodgy car. 'NO, it's not what I am looking for'.

If you have to move back - you need to scale back the other expenses. No takeaways - No I am saving. No ordering Ubers, come on they can negotiate a mortgage but not order an Uber via an app. No more contribution to their date nights. Their date, their expense. Trips out for the nephews/nieces - walk in the park, take your own snacks. You can offer to babysit but not every day and walk the dog as a way of helping out. But seriously - you need to leave if you want to salvage a relationship with your sister.

Keeping your business to yourself and saying 'No' when its unreasonable may stop them viewing you as a cash point.

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You can’t afford £500 per week rent on a £35k per year salary 😆 I’m on £44k PA and my net monthly salary is is only £2700 so I wouldn’t be able to afford that! I thought you were going to say you were on a 6 figure salary or something. You can move out but you need to rethink where and how much you’ve got to spend.

I think she said FYI which means For Your Information.

£600 plus some Ubers and food will still be a lot cheaper than £1.2-2k a month on rent plus all food and personal expenses. Like I said, if renting privately will prevent her from being able to save up a deposit for her own home it would be wiser to just stay at her sister's for a year. She's on £35k a year, pays 10% into her pension and has student debt. I don't know where she lives, but in the UK that would leave her with less than £2k a month to live on.

But their not keeping the room open a friend is going to stay over in it?

So they now want £150 per week for their free babysitter? I would move out pronto OP as this may turn sour quite shortly. It’s clear they are relying on your money and if I was in this situation I’d feel like they were taking me for a mug. Take back control.

You are a grown up so practice being one and move out no one can talk you into anything unless you let them

Pay the rent but stop paying for the other things. Getting the vet money back needent be difficult, just had them the invoices.

Exactly! Even if she stopped paying into her pension she still wouldn't be able to rent a £500 a week flat on what's left after deductions and student debt.

I’d say it will be fair to all to pay the rent, split or claim expenses and charge for baby/petsitting.

Moving out sounds sensible OP.

You've got to the point where everyone else is making decisions for you. They are convincing you to stay. They are arranging for you to dog sit. Etc.

Move out and be totally independent - the freedom to make your own decisions is invaluable.

I think your decision to move out sounds sensible OP but can you afford somewhere for £500 per week?? Either way you very calmly need to tell your sister you’re moving out date and start saying no to all the extras or at least agree to what you want to do and no more.

And be careful you’re not expected to carry on the babysitting/dog walking/taxi services when you move out! Practice saying no now.

She’s being completely unreasonable.
if you do end up paying the £150 until you find somewhere, I’d suggest no childcare, don’t eat their food. Keep it civil and then get out quick, for sake of your future relationship!

I think you are being taken advantage of a bit. £100 pw is fine but all the other stuff you do/pay for over and above is a bit of a rip off. Walking 2 dogs for an hour a day would cost your sis £100 a week if she had to pay someone else to do it, and the ubers and babysitting will add up. Not sure they've let you stay out of the kindness of their hearts tbh, and the in laws will be saving a nice chunk not having to pay a house sitter.
I 'd be making plans to move out ASAP.

Firstly, you sound lovely. Secondly, you need to get yourself out of this dog sitting thing ASAP. So message your sister to say yep, you should’ve realised they’d want continued rent, you can’t afford to do both due to the travel costs, and you’ll be messaging your BIL parent’s asap to say they need to find a dog sitter. A week should be fine, and is totally their problem.

That will probably result in BIL getting a panicked message from his parent’s, but again, not your problem.

After that, I think you need to realise that your sister is MASSIVELY using you! Free childcare while you’re not even living there and doing her in-laws a huge favour?! Time for this to stop OP. I think you should look to move out ASAP. Don’t be persuaded to stay, it doesn’t work for you to be working and baby sitting etc etc. Good luck!

Run. Don't hang around to do them more favours in the new year. Secure that £300 per week room.

You could even do paid dog walking gigs to supplement your income rather than paying out for the pleasure.

Stop being Cinderella asap.