AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

I don't think they are doing her a favour anymore though, I think they like the extra 'income' even though they probably aren't actually making any money, and the live in help.

of course they don’t want you to move out: they’re taking advantage of you.

£500 p/m not week, apologies! It would be about £700 inc bills. Very small one bed. £300 inc bills for a shared room in a decent house.

I’d just move out, £150 a week is a fair amount for someone’s spare bedroom. I do think its unfair expecting the full amount when you’re not eating there etc. Tell her you’re giving notice that once you’ve house sat you’ll be getting your own place and won’t be providing free childcare and dog walking. She is taking the P expecting £600 a month for a spare room when you’re also helping them out. 35k isn’t a huge salary at all, though maybe is to your sister. Don’t let her talk you out of leaving, say the house sitting made you realise you want your own space. I assumed you were saving to buy, but if renting you just need enough for one month rent in advance and deposit of around the same.

yes to moving out. I’d also tell sister and BIL that helping out HIS parents is actually costing you money. His parents should be paying you to house sit. We pay our house sitters £500/week (plus look after 2 dogs and a cat).
and they are letting someone else stay in your room whilst you aren’t there! Maybe they should be contributing to bills whilst staying, as you will be paying for someone to stay.

What on earth are you on about, have you been drinking? There’s no suggestion from the OP that the vets bill was an anticipated one. Why doesn’t your dog have insurance? Do you expect your vets to offer you free or discounted care just because? Do you have the same attitude when you go to see a doctor about your own health? If you can’t afford to have pets, don’t have them.

I’d snap up the one bed flat at £700 per month including bills - don’t take the house share, just enjoy independent living for a change. Pay the deposit and set a move in date and only then tell your sister you’re sorted and will be leaving.

And for pity’s sake, do not carry on with the baby sitting, dog walking and the rest - those days are over, don’t let them guilt trip you into carrying on. Make sure BIL’s parents pay you for those vet bills as well as understand you’re doing no more housesitting!

The dog gets an injection every month for medical issues so it is pre planned, and I was requested to book him in for next months one too!

They are all taking the piss with the ‘favours’ in this arrangement. If you factor in the babysitting and dog walking etc you are paying way over the market rate for staying with your sister. Expecting you to dog sit for months for free is saving the PIL thousands. Get something set up so you can move into a rental as soon as this arrangement ends, not back to your sister. How can you be a graduate earning £35k and value your time so little? It’s one thing to help your sister who it does sound like initially did you a favour to get yourself established but you are not a skivvy to be loaned out!

pay The rent as usual and get out asap. You are being abused here let’s be fair. The babysitting, Ubers and now house sitting that you were volunteered for. Say thanks for everything , but you want your own space and then get out of there - this is not going to end well if you stay

Dog kennels were £40 per day a few years ago. You're being taken for a ride. You sister is short of money at the moment with her 40 year old apprentice husband and her working part time which is not your problem.

After your update (I did wonder if it was £500 pm, not week 😁) definitely move out - I think you'll save more by NOT living at your sister's.

They've been taking advantage.

OP can you Move your stuff out your sisters flat if you decide to housesit? If so do not pay them any money as you have fully moved out . Use that time to find a one bed flat to move into once your BiL parents return .

The going rate in your area for a flatshare is £300pcm and they want you to pay £600 from next year? Not to mention all the other freebies you give them. They’re taking the piss and mistreating you as family! I can’t believe anyone is justifying this.

Or alternatively tell BIL and his parents you can’t afford to do the house sitting anymore and stay at your sisters/BIL, continue paying them but look for somewhere to move into asap. Learn to use the word no, but I appreciate it’s hard considering it’s your much older big sister.

She’s clearly taking advantage though and it’s sad your mum doesn’t have your back either. Not all family can be trusted to act in your best interests.

Your friends are right, they’re all taking the piss. I’d advise a one bed flat instead of a flatshare too. It’s worth the extra money in this case.

Go back to BILs DPs and say that as you are still being charged rent, you need them to pay £100 per week for dog sitting, which is still incredibly reasonable.

Pay the £150 per week but tell your sister you won't be doing dog walking or babysitting any more without payment - and move out.

If you went on holiday you'd still be liable
For rent and bills. This is the same thing.

Well in that case the PIL are massive CFs! I think you need to get out of there ASAP if there’s to be any chance of salvaging a future relationship with your sister.

This, but I would be tempted to put this through the BIL, given that he’s the one who arranged it for you. Might give him pause for thought over the rent he is charging you too.

If you do the math you may already be paying £300 per week given the other things you pay for and if you add up all the free labour it's going to push that amount higher. It's time to move out because the situation isn't working for you anymore. Do it secretly so you can avoid the emotional blackmail.

Don’t pay the vet bill. Get them to pay the vet online. That’s what I do when cat goes to vet whilst at cat sitters.

This is all about jealousy about your salary. Your sister is seething you earn so much more than them. You should move out ASAP. Otherwise a long term feud could erupt

Whilst £400/month inc bills for a spare room isn't bad, it isn't good when you consider all the extras you're providing them for free or paying for yourself. Dogsitting, babysitting, vets bills, takeaways and taxis. I don't think you can complain that you're paying for your own food whilst staying at PIL house though, that's just normal adulting, but certainly the rest of it would not come with a normal lodging agreement so I think a) they've taken advantage of you/the situation and b) your mum is OTT to suggest paying a 'retainer' as if this is some sort of a formal arrangement. The extra stuff they've benefitted from for free suggest it isn't.

That said, given you agreed on 12 months upfront you might just need to see this through, especially if the plan is to move out in January anyway.

I would be less than inclined to offer any favours in the future though and might find my calendar suddenly very busy the next time I'm asked to provide my dogsitting services.

She’s not on holiday - she’s been loaned out by her BIL to his parents as long as she also keeps up the babysitting/dog walking duties for him!
Contact the CF PIL and tell them they need to reimburse you immediately for any dog expenses.
Whoever you are supposed to be dog sitting for in January tell them you won’t be doing it. Good luck to them finding another free pet sitter.
Get yourself a room or flat sorted for 1/1/2025 and make a New Year resolution that you are nobody’s servant.
Every time they try to guilt you remember they want to charge you above market rates (double market rates if it’s normally £300/m for a room) whilst absolutely taking the piss with the favours they expect.

Yes, I would just pay them the 150 but no more Ubers, takeaways or babysitting. Don’t pay the vets bills - ask the vet for online payment details and pass those on.

Can you spend this evening finding a new place?

Right - they won’t pay her back. It’s pre planned visits there’s no reason for them not to pay in advance or send the money to OP the day before each appointments. They will make it very difficult to get this money back and why should Op be out of pocket for any length of time?.

A pp said you just need to present them with invoices and you’ll easily get your money back -sorry it’s not that simple if someone doesn’t want to pay! Lol

Even as a freelancer I’ve had companies take months to pay invoices and it involved me chasing them up multiple times.