AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

She is paying them a fair rent. £100 a week for a room in a private house with a live in landlord, is actually slightly above what’s asked in our area - around £300-£350 a month here, depending on the amenities. Add in all the extras and she’s likely paying double that. She’s been asked to pay £100 a week while house/dog sitting even though she won’t be living there, won’t be incurring any extra expenses and her sister wouldn’t otherwise rent out the room - and to top it off, her sister will be having a friend to stay in the room OP is renting. She’s also been asked to pay £150 a week when she returns which is well over what it costs to rent a room in a private house. And yes, her BiL is her sisters’ husband, who volunteered her for the house sitting job - she’s also expected to pay all vet bills for the dog until the owners return, so I think it’s fairly obvious that she’s being massively taken advantage of by everyone involved.

They shouldn’t be relying on the extra money, or everything else that OP contributes to. If OP were renting a room from a landlord she wouldn’t be spending on any extras the way she is now. And if BiL was the one who volunteered her for the house sitting job, then he should have agreed terms with her first, instead of assuming she would still pay for her room - which it seems her sister will now be using for her friend to stay in while OP is away. If OP is living somewhere else doing his family a free favour (and saving them a lot of money in the process) then they shouldn’t be expecting her to still be paying for the room as she’s not incurring any household costs. It’s massively unreasonable, as is increasing the rent by 50% on her return. That’s £600 a month. No way would lodging in a private house with a live in landlord cost her that much. I’d follow through and move out.

Sadly I think you should have agreed the terms of the house and dog sitting before you agreed to do it, even if it wasn't at your instigation.
It's reasonable to reduce your contribution to account for the food/heating you won't be using, but they're clearly now relying on your money and until you have an alternative you're relying on them for accommodation, so for the sake of good relations (and given you're reasonably well paid by your own admission) then I suggest you pay up.

But by proposing £50 per week rather than £100, OP was broadly doing this, and DSis wasn't happy.

I’ve a suggestion OP. Ask the CF’s who are BiL’s parents to pay for your room while you house/dog sit. You’re saving them a lot more than that, trust me.

They are using you to subsidise their household. Do not pay anything to them whilst you are house sitting elsewhere. And I would move out ASAP & once you have moved out, do not fall for any sob stories and give them any money. Good luck in finding your own place.

Of course he's getting a good deal. He's getting OP out of his house for a month with full rent paid, he's painted himself as a knight in shining armour to his parents for coming to the rescue, and he's dressed it all up to OP as doing HER a favour.

Not only will OP have to pay rent she's being asked to pay for expenses at the dog sitting house that she likely won't get back, because her sister has previously told her her PIL do not reimburse costs.

I can only imagine you are similar to BIL to be defending this behaviour.

You need to charge for the dog sitting. Pay rent while you're away and move out ASAP. Don't be available for loads of baby sitting or paying for treats unless you really want to.

You haven’t got much imagination then.

Not much to say eh.

Aside from the fact it's not for you to decide what's a fair rent. I mean what's fair to them. Both OP and her sister seem to feel resentful of the situation. I get the impression they both think it's unfair and they are giving a lot of- the sister giving the accommodation and she thinks OP should pay more and the OP is doing a lot in terms of gifting, paying for meals and helping in other ways.

OP should ask sister what she wants her to pay and then OP can either pay it if she thinks it's reasonable and not do all the other stuff as she's paying a "fair" rent (as in what sister asked for or if it's too much then OP needs to make other arrangements.

I always paid my parents even when I went on holiday. I went away for 3 months one summer to work in Spain I still paid rent, just like I would have had to if I'd had a landlord

You earn £35000 per year and that's more than them combined?? Where exactly are u guys located? That's a terrible wage for less than two people no wonder they are getting funny about money, however, not really your problem, u need to move out pronto before this becomes a family fall out.

For the record I live in Bedfordshire and my partner earns 32k full time (which compared to our friends is not that great!) and I earn £24k part time, hence why I'm shocked at the wages your sister and bil must be on.

Time to move out now. Your cosy family agreement has soured so move and do your best to salvage relationships. Chalk it up to experience!

TBH this sounds like a pretty toxic relationship and I think they are all taking advantage of you and you are just a nice person who struggles to stick up for themselves. They sound like they have overstretched themselves financially, massively and/or are bad at managing money - takeaways, uber etc whilst being strapped for cash. It seems like she almost resents you for being single, care free and with a decent starting salary. I hope your relationship improves over time, but I would suggest you put some distance between you and her. It may never be a great relationship, mine with my only sibling is not and I just have little contact with him now. It’s sad, but I have learnt it’s the best way. I am older than you, so it has taken many decades to get to this. Good luck

Yeah, if you read OP’s updates this is not a holiday. BiL has volunteered OP to house/dog sit for his parents for a couple of months. They’re not paying her and expect her to cover regular vet bills until they get back. The least they could do is cover her rent for the time they are away, considering how much she is saving them in kennel fees. And her sister isn’t an official landlord. She and BiL insisted OP stay with them - they wouldn’t normally rent out the room, so how is OP actually costing them anything while she house sits, given she won’t be there ? And when you add in the fact that sister has invited a friend to stay for a few weeks, in the room OP is paying for, you begin to see what CF’s they are. The cherry on the cake is the proposal to up the rent by 50% on her return. She could rent a room as a lodger elsewhere for half the price and without the drama and added expense.

No, you’re right. It’s not for me to decide what’s a fair rent, but there are market rates and even a brief google on lodging websites shows that Dsis is proposing to charge almost twice as much as the average for a single room in a private house, with a live in landlord. And l’m pretty sure that a formal agreement would prohibit them from using OP’s room to accommodate guests in her absence.

The rent was agreed when OP moved in - at her sisters’ insistence - and now they’re increasing it beyond what is fair and reasonable. There is no formal lodging agreement in place and if l was OP and planning to stay, l’d be insisting on one so that sister has to stick to market rates and OP has some control and recourse.

Why ? Sister isn’t a landlord. She wouldn’t otherwise rent out the room, so there is no loss to be compensated here. OP isn’t there so is not costing them anything. Dsis is also using OP’s room for house guests in OP’s absence. Pretty sure that wouldn’t be possible with a formal rent agreement. And OP is expected to house/dog sit for nothing. BiL’s parents should be covering her expenses and if she intends to stay with sister and BiL on her return, she needs a formal lodging agreement to stop them taking advantage of her.

Initially I was going to say that BIL’s family can pay you and you could give that to your DS + SIL but I then skimmed through your posts. Your DS and BIL are taking the p*ss. Someone is taking your room and you’re still expected to pay when you’re not there? TTFO!

You’re paying £100/week and helping to finance their social life as well as providing additional childcare support for them and dog-walking services which they’d otherwise have to pay for. You’re contributing more than your fair share.

Move out of their home properly when you do the house sitting. Tell BILs family you need vet bill money in advance (+ extra for house/pet sitting if you like?). Save the money from rent and put it towards your deposit.

DS + BIL can get screwed. They’ll soon see the grass isn’t greener.

hope you find something OP, sounds like you are being taken for granted

Except it is when you add in all the freebies she is expected to do and the additional costs of users etc

@HollyKnight Where are you finding HMO for £300 a week. Where I live they're like £350 a month or less!

Never yet come across an HMO that orders you to alter your working hours in order to do childcare/baby sitting, nor that has you paying for Ubers and takeaways for the landlord.

I was responding to the OP who had initially said she could get a room for £300 a week. She later corrected that to £300 a month.

OP has no formal rent agreement with her sister. And that’s the point. The arrangement was for OP to cover her expenses. If she had a formal rent agreement, yes, she would have to pay rent while away, but Dsis wouldn’t be able to use the room for house guests in her absence - lodgers’ agreements don’t allow for ‘retainers’, you pay the full rent for the duration of the tenancy.

It doesn’t matter if OP’s sister intends to capitalise on having a spare room - the OP’s request to have it held for two months impacts the option to do this. How do you know she didn’t want to get a new lodger instead, but because OP plans on coming back, she’s decided to let her friend use the room occasionally instead?

OP stated quite clearly that they don’t rent out the room. They allow friends and family to stay, but they don’t formally rent it out. And as previously stated, a formal rent agreement with OP would mean they couldn’t use the room in her absence. So OP has essentially been allowed to use the room as per other friends and family, but because it’s long term, she’s covering her costs. That’s not the same as renting. Legally she is not a renter. If she’s not there, there are no costs to cover.

I think there’s a lesson here for both parties. Get a formal rent agreement so you both know where you stand and no one has the opportunity to take advantage of the other party, because the terms are in black and white and enforceable. Dsis and her DH have exploited OP from the start. Now they’ve essentially volunteered her for house sitting for free, but want her to cover non-existent costs while she’s away - essentially paying for someone else to stay in the room. They now also intend to hike the rent by 50% when OP moves back in - taking the cost way above market prices. With a renters agreement they wouldn’t be able to do any of these things, and they wouldn’t be able to evict her on a whim, which is one of the things she’s afraid of.

OP has no formal rent agreement with her sister. And that’s the point. The arrangement was for OP to cover her expenses. If she had a formal rent agreement, yes, she would have to pay rent while away, but Dsis wouldn’t be able to use the room for house guests in her absence - lodgers’ agreements don’t allow for ‘retainers’, you pay the full rent for the duration of the tenancy.

But as you’ve stated yourself, there isn’t a formal agreement. The point I’m making is that, if the OP expects to move back in and store her things there in the meantime, she can’t expect to do that for free.

OP stated quite clearly that they don’t rent out the room. They allow friends and family to stay, but they don’t formally rent it out.

And once again - that does not matter. OP can “quite clearly” state it as often as she likes - the fact is, the sister and her husband could change their mind about that any day. “They don’t rent out the room” is irrelevant - nobody rents out a room until they do.